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Transsexual your opinion please ...

Discussion in 'Transsexual' started by mayS, Sep 3, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. mayS

    mayS Lurker

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    Hi all ... I don't know if this is the right room ... but ok.

    I've a friend that came out about 15ys ago as a lesbian. She is super cool and we became friends - although I'm a hetero sexual man.
    I met her at a rock festival when she hit on another female friend of mine (they eventually got together ;)  ) Well, their relationship held for a bit more than a year and finaly broke because of the usual relationship-issues ... followed by big drama that caused our friends-circle (partly) to split in two sides. I choose her side (my wife still hates me for that - :D ) and what started as "Xtine's new man" became a deep friendship over the next years.

    She has always been quite a Tommy-Boy and - as I'd say: "you've a man's mind". Although ther "style" remained quite feminine
    She was married 2 ys ago an now her girl gave birth to a mega-cute child.

    Well, maybe that is/was the last piece of the puzzle...
    We had a WA-Chat a week ago and I was asking how they deal with the mom/dad "thing" ... who's gonna be who ... or if they both refer to her as mother(s) ...
    I first thought it was a joke when she told me she'd like to be called Marc now ... and I joked I'd never call her that ... she felt a "bit" dissapointed about my comment (it took me a while to get it ).
    I know she went to a therapist (although I don't know the details why) but it seems she's questioning her sexuality. We had never talked about that, nor did she ever droped a hint (at leat to me).
    We couldn't arrange a longer phone call nor went out for a beer or two lately (with a newborn you've other things in mind :D  ) and so I'm not 100% sure how far she will go.
    On top: being butch is one thing, but transitioning from one gender to another a whola different story ! I've another friend who did that - full monty. Damn scary, damn risky !

    I (still) belive she is a full-on butch lesbian wich is absolutely ok ... and I'm afraid she'd be not-that-happy becoming a man. In my opinion she's too much of a woman for such a step ... but hell what do I know ...
    This scares me most ...

    So what's your opinion folks ... Am I just overreacting ?
     
  2. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Hi mayS and welcome to the forum. Old cis bi guy speaking. :) 

    TBH I'm not sure what you're asking advice about. If your friend, after due consideration and even visiting a therapist, has come to the conclusion that they are male by gender, then that's who they are, and if you are a real friend to them, then you will make it your business to get with the program.

    While we're at it, your terminology-use has gone a bit astray. Unless your friend has suddenly discovered a taste for men, they are not questioning their sexuality. In wishing to transition, they are questioning their gender. ;) 

    The situation here seems to be that you want your friend to remain the butch lesbian you've got used to, and are driven by a desire to "save" them from the inevitable trials of transitioning (BTW you really could be more tactful in the way you express this, y'know: "Damn scary. Damn risky!" is language that's gonna be less than helpful to our many trans members here.)

    The fact is, you can't stop your adult friend being who they have discovered themselves to be. Your friend isn't stupid: they KNOW that transitioning is "a whole different story" - and STILL they're sure that this is what they need. As I said earlier on, if you want to be a real friend to them, get with the program, man. Support them in their identity, whatever that might be.

    After all, you said it yourself: they have "a man's mind".
     
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  3. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Whatsername
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    Hello mayS ,

    I understand you are concerned about your friend transitioning. That is normal and expected. Keep in mind, they have probably considered all the perils of transitioning, and have decided it is worth it. As a friend, they deserve to be supported in this process. Go ahead and call your friend Marc, and if they requested it, by he/him pronouns. They will appreciate it. Also, as Thespis said, they are questioning their gender, not their sexuality.
     
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  4. mayS

    mayS Lurker

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    Hi, thanks for your responses ... and sorry about the wron terminology. I discovered it myself after reading Luca1's thread but was unfortunately unable to correct my sentences. When I tried to alter sex <-> gender sex, the system flaged my message as spam :D 

    Regarding Marc ... I will support they in any aspect. I'm just "afraid" she hasn't thought it all thru ... Anyway I need to address this directly to her - atm there's too much speculation (on my side) regarding her future plans.
    Let's say "I've my concerns" ...
     
  5. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    No worries on the terminology - mistakes happen. :) 

    It's natural to be concerned at the prospect of such a fundamental change - you care about your friend and want the best for them. Something to keep in mind, though, is that, by the time they got to the point of asking you to call them Marc, you can be sure that they had already been giving the matter a lot of thought for quite a while.

    Has Marc told you what pronouns they would prefer you to use when referring to them? (You've been using "she" in your posts ;) ) If they've chosen a male name, I would imagine they'd prefer he/him, but it's best not to assume. If they haven't said yet, ask them, and from that moment on - regardless of whether they undertake any process of physical transition - be careful always to use their preferred pronouns. You'll make mistakes occasionally, but with time it'll become 2nd nature. :) 
     
  6. Funk Pirate
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    Funk Pirate The poly, naughty bi-trans futa ^^ happy to chat
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    Also to add to what BiBiLife and Thespis has said, just remember that they will still be the same person, just a lot more truer about themselves.

    Just be there to support them and also mention that after reflecting that you agree to use the name marc etc just again as mentioned above.

    ~Fiona.
     
  7. AudryLeigh
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    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    I have to make a comment here. I'm transsexual, and I had my World rattled a while back by a comment from another transsexual on the subject of our (transsexuals) allowing friends and family time to grieve the loss of our old selves. It makes sense to me. I've even experienced it with someone I knew well before they transitioned. I loved the new them dearly, but couldn't help, at times, to miss the old <dead name>. People sometimes need time to grieve that loss, and forcing them to always use new names and new pronouns from the get go, denies them that right to grieve. We think we need to have our new identity completely and right now, without regard for how hard it might be for some people in our life to let go of old whatshis/her name, no matter how much they support us and are trying to remember to use the right pronouns.

    Hugs,
    Audry
     
  8. Reena

    Reena Lurker

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    Okk i will support u
     
  9. Pixie Poodle
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    Pixie Poodle Pixie
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    mayS
    I am not trying to be mean but it is not about you.
     

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