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Your opinion about closeted people that have two live?

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Jimmijemme, Jul 15, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Jimmijemme
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    Jimmijemme Hot Cookie
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    I would like listen your opinions.
     
  2. Iwilldance

    Iwilldance Look! There's a girl dancing slowly in the shadow!
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    I think you need to specify the question. Our oppinion of them as persons, or the rightness of it, or how society forces someone to it?
    I for example have no oppinion to them as persons, but i think it is sad that people feel forced to do so, and i think it is a hard life.
     
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  3. Larry45
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    Larry45 Amateur bisexual
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    It may not be the best situation by sometimes it’s best under the circumstances. It is in my case
     
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  4. Kahlan

    Kahlan Well-Known Contributor
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    I agree with the previous posts, that it is terribly unfortunately that we live in a world where it is often necessary. Do some people have unrealistic fears? Yes, but for some these fears are also very real, so it's very hard to pass judgement, or expect others to do the things that those of us who are out have managed to do, because everyone's situation is different.
     
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  5. angel70
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    I'm old enough to have lived through a time when being out meant losing your job and your housing at the very least -- with real potential for jail time. Having any queer life at all required compartmentalizing -- straight during the week and queer on weekends, for example -- but then only if you lived in reach of some sort of gay "scene." For people who lived outside of major cities, even compartmentalization was impossible.

    It's a lot easier to be out these days, but it still requires some trade-offs: there remains a lot of discrimination out there. Personally, I feel a lot of sympathy for people who feel they must stick to their closets because of the negative consequences they'd suffer for coming out. It's stressful pretending to be what you're not for years on end, and any chance of real life satisfaction is small.
     
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  6. MysterIan
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    MysterIan Open bisexual, closeted transboy

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    If you're referring to trans people living a double life, then all I can say is
    I am one

    I live as a female literally everywhere else but here.
     
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  7. Thief King Bakura
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    Like the others have said, you need to be more specific about what you're asking exactly. Your question could be interpreted in ways you're probably not even thinking about when you posted it.

    Sometimes living a "double life" is necessary, especially when you're in a place where it isn't safe to come out. It's not cause they want to lie to people, it's because they're afraid that they will be persecuted for being themselves, be they trans, gay, lesbian, bi, etc. They're probably afraid of loosing their jobs, loosing family/friends, and just loosing the access to have agency in their lives.


    A lot of young people (and adults too) who fall on the LGBT spectrum, more often times than not are in a place where they can't come out, especially the young people who live with homophobic/transphobic parents. They are not in a position to advocate for themselves or have the agency to have a say in their daily lives, at least not till they turn 18. I've lived in fear of being disowned, kicked out, and I was an adult but I didn't have the agency at the time to make decisions about my living situation. Point is that sometimes we have to conceal who we are to stay safe, not because we want to. On the other side of the coin we don't also shout from the rooftops we are LGBT either. It's just apart of who we are, one piece of our story.

    Things are different now as I'm living on my own, I have been given agency (actually I took it upon myself) to transition, take hormones (under Dr supervision) and I am relatively out as a trans man, living openly as a man, and navigating the world as a man and it's both scary and liberating. Especially when you have lived 20+ years living a lie and dealing with parents that didn't accept you and love you for being yourself and then it's like a spit in their faces when I get called sir, he/him, or any male pronouns/adjectives. It still surprises me to be called sir because of years of being socialized as miss, she/her, and female adjectives. Point is, I occupy this weird space but it's a good kind of weird. I live openly because I don't see the sense in letting fear dictate my life. I still am afraid of being jumped or worse but I'm not going to hide in the closet and live a lie. I've done that for a good majority of my life and I'm not going back to that dark place anymore, not anymore.

    That being said, in conclusion the reason a lot of people are in the closet is a matter of safety, fear of losing their livelihood/family/friends/jobs/etc, live in a place where coming out safely isn't possible, and it isn't because they like living a lie. It just simply isn't possible for whatever reason for them to come out of the closet. They're not lying to you, they're trying to come to grips with themselves first, gain the confidence to come out, or get to a place where they feel safe to live openly as being LGBT, whatever form it takes for them. I don't understand the hate that closeted folks get because they don't come out. It is THEIR CHOICE on when and how they come out. It's not up to you or me to dictate that for them and nor would I do that. They first need to be safe, be in a safe place mentally (and physically) to come out. That's why people don't come out right away, they want to be sure themselves that they are LGBT and be confident in themselves before coming out as coming out is a big step that ckjkd make or break a relationship or livelihood.

    It is up to a person to come out of the closet, not up to anyone else. To think less of a closeted person isn't right. We don't know their story, and passing judgement isn't our place.
     
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  8. Jianghu
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    Thief King summarized the reasons well. This world is still too dangerous for many of our brothers and sisters.

    And even when their neighborhoods are "safe" and their families are "supporting", a lot of people have been traumatized by childhood bullying and other bad experiences.

    BUT, I will add this exception:

    There are people who are closeted LGBT+s, and in positions of influence - like politicians, business leaders, religious preachers, famous authors, etc.

    Yet sometimes these people make homophobic attacks, or openly support homophobic laws and policies.

    If these people are then exposed for seeking LGBT+ sexual relations, then in my view they no longer deserve the protection of the closet. They should be "outed", and their hypocrisy exposed.
     
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    #8 Jianghu, Jul 21, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2019
  9. Morfar
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    Morfar (10+13)/2=11.5%(225)=26amps
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    Years ago I did say homophobic crap.
    but that was before I admit to myself that I am GAY
     
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  10. Jianghu
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    So did I. I'm still ashamed of it.
     
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  11. Morfar
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    Morfar (10+13)/2=11.5%(225)=26amps
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    I am closeted to my wife, and my business.
    It has been said to me several times, I should run for governor.
    I will not. But the way things are going, my wife fears she will be gone soon. My son will take over the business.
    I think I will then slap an equal sign on the back of my ride, and spend weekends and evenings at the Pride Center and the new Gay and Grub Bar......
     
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