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Working out where I lie within 'ace'

Discussion in 'Asexual & Grey-Ace' started by Minniscule, Nov 25, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Minniscule

    Minniscule Greenhorn
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    It's only very recently that I've started to accept I'm PROBABLY asexual. As a teenager, I never felt the same sexual drives as my friends, but always thought I was just a late starter. Now aged 21 and still having not felt the desire to have sex of any description, perhaps I should accept I'm not going to. I realised I might be ace when it occured to me that in a picture I saw (not by choice lol) of a... facial response to a sexual scenario, shall we say, I couldn't equate the expression to a human emotion. It felt entirely foriegn to me, almost alien. After that, I started to appreciate why pornography depicting sexual acts didn't interest me either: again, I couldn't connect the image to any kind of emotion or sensation, and certainly not a desirable one.

    The main reservation I've had to identifying with this is I do have an attraction to bodies, both male and female. I don't like seeing sexual acts or fluids, but I do like people's bodies in less hands-on contexts. I've also definitely had some thoughts regarding sensual touching with a consenting romantic partner, but nothing beyond it, and do get feelings I need to relieve.

    I've considered that this might all just be because I've never been in a sexual situation. Do most people just develop an interest in sex as teenagers without having had it? How do they know they want it? It seems strange to me, but maybe I'd understand it were I to end up in a situation like that. I currently feel like I'd just say "no" out of fear, repulsion and a lack of interest, however.

    Is this valid for identifying as asexual? I'd like to think so but can't be sure. Thanks for reading. <3
     
  2. Dreamsexual
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    Dreamsexual Reliable Contributor
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    There's no clear consensus on the exact definition of asexual. You'll find some interesting, and annoying, debates about that in the ace community.

    Broadly speaking, though, if you don't desire partnered sex with anyone ever under any circumstances, and not because of a religious choice or fear or something similar, then you're asexual.

    Ask yourself questions like: would I want sex right now with anyone in the world, with no consequences? If you'd rather eat a slice of cake (a common joke amongst aces) you're likely some form of asexual.

    There's varying degrees and types of asexual, and debates about whether it's a spectrum, or if objectums/fictos count, or if any kind of sexual appreciation or non-partnered activity (like masturbation) invalidates the label, or if romance is something non-sexual, or if aesthetic appreciation is different to sexual attraction, but ultimately if you don't want sex with anyone under any circumstance, you're probably some kind of ace.

    And yes, most sexuals have already developed a whole slew of sexual attractions (and some kind of inner sex life, if not activity) by the times they are 21. If you haven't, that's often a sign of asexuality in some form. And that's just fine :) 
     
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  3. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Forever in debt to your priceless advice.
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    I can't speak for all sexuals, but I, a pansexual, was already having fantasies of that sort when I was about 11. Earlier than that if you count kiddie crushes. And I didn't even kiss anyone until I was 20.
     
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