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Work Fun

Discussion in 'General (Off Topic)' started by WhatSoNot, Jun 30, 2020 at 11:12 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. WhatSoNot

    WhatSoNot Lurker

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    Hi there!

    This thread has some explicit language and adult themes so if this isn't appropriate let me know and I will edit accordingly.

    Earlier this year I finished my degree and took up a graduate position. As part of our on-boarding process, we were paired up with last year's grads who became our 'mentors'.

    I met my mentor (we are both male) on my second day at the office. We went for a walk, chatted, had a beer, and got along really really well.

    There was a big party at the end of our first week but my mentor didn't come because he flew out for holiday the night before. However, someone took a photo of me and sent it to a group chat he was in, and he subsequently sent me this private message on Facebook:

    "
    [photo]
    Huge fan of your work
    Not your face obviously that needs work
    Talking about the hat
    "
    When he came back from his trip we started to get to know each other a lot better and I began to get the feeling that our chats were progressing from friendly banter to outright flirting. It also turned out that we were the same age, went to similar schools, same city etc. We were having drinks after work on a Friday (a few weeks in to the job) and we were talking about school and stuff and it happened that I beat his exit score by 0.05. The conversation went something like this:

    "
    Me: "youve been talking up your marks all night.. so what did you get?"
    Him: "99.6"
    I started laughing and he asked what I got.
    Me: "99.65"
    Him: "hahaha bro
    what the fuck
    didnt think you were that smart"
    Me: "smarter than u it seems"
    Him: "hahah shut the fuck up ill fucking fist you"

    He then grabbed me and did like an uppercut motion with his fist clenched through the gap between my arm and my torso so that our arms were linked.

    Me: "I bet you would enjoy that wouldn't you?"
    Him: "hahahaha and you would too"

    One of my highschool friends who was there looked at us and said "this is the strangest mentor/mentee relationship I have ever seen".

    The topic of drugs/mdma then came up. One of the boys said that taking M makes 'every girl look a thousand times hotter, I just want to get with every girl' to which most of our group agreed. My mentor then said 'na I disagree, when im on M I just want to get around and have chats with 'the boys' (meaning his friends), girls can fuck off'.

    The next week we moved to a split workforce arrangement where half the trading floor would work from home for one week and then work at the office the following week. I was in the team that had to work from home first. My mentor was in the office. At the end of the week he sent me this message on messenger:
    [​IMG]

    The next week we stopped the split workforce operation and instead had everyone working from home. although we spoke a little on messenger I didn't see him for ~3months, and any feelings I had for him mostly went away.

    A few weeks ago our business decided to restart the split workforce arrangement. My boss wanted me to swap teams so that I was with him in the office, which meant I was on the same rotation as my mentor.

    When were back in the office we started where we left off and the flirting, touching ramped up. The first Friday after being back in the office we went out for drinks. Everyone left for one reason or another and by 8pm it was just me and him left at the pub. He said he had friends coming over soon for dinner but we could get a few more drinks before he had to leave.

    We decided to leave the pub and buy some premixed drinks from the liquor store and then just roamed around the city for a few hours chatting.

    We got on to the topic of sex, relationships etc and he told me he had two previous girlfriends, the last relationship ended a year ago, and that he 'just wanted to fuck like 15 Asian girls'. He asked and I told him about the girls I had seen/was seeing but didnt mention that I'd dated a guy a few years ago.

    After that conversation I thought i was barking up the wrong tree with him. We then started walking back towards the train station (his friends had been waiting at his house for a couple of hours for him at this point) but when we got to the station he said lets just keep walking.

    After a while I needed to pee and he said something to the effect of 'oh I need to pee too.. we can hold each other's dick'. I just laughed.

    We then continued walking home and were getting more touchy, arms around each other. I said something to him and he pulled my head to his shoulder and he said 'why are you so cute?'

    As we approached his place i said i needed to pee again and he said 'ill hold your dick for you'. I said something like 'You keep going on about touching my dick... come on, go ahead, I won't stop you' He then looked me, grinned, hesitated, and then hit the front of my jeans with his open hand and skipped ahead.

    I laughed and said "what was that? That doesn't count. You actually have to put your hands down my pants". Then he replied that i 'never said he was allowed to'. I *should* have said 'you are allowed to', but joked and said something to the effect of 'na na you are the mentor, you are the one who is supposed to take the lead'.

    By this time we were at his place and said our goodbyes. We had a very long affectionate hug and he said in my ear 'you need to come over one night and we just need to take a fuck load of drugs'.. we then had a second hug and parted ways. I sent him a heart on messenger and he replied like this:

    [​IMG]

    The next time we were in the office I walked up to his desk to ask him if he wanted a coffee or anything for breakfast and as I approached he said "Whats up pretty boy?". I laughed, put my hand on the back of his neck and replied "pretty boy? What about you?" He put his hand on my stomach and said 'na im just average'. Then I told him 'i didn't think so', and then asked if he wanted food from downstairs.

    The next day he came over to my desk and chatted for a bit. I said I've been super lazy since starting work and haven't been keeping fit. He said "dude youve got to start going to the gym". I replied "na not really.. you haven't seen my perfectly toned and sculpted body yet". He laughed, got up to go back to his desk and said "maybe you should show me". I smiled and told him he can see on the weekend.

    The next day I walked to his desk in the morning, put my hand on the side of his neck/throat and he put his arms back to touch me and said 'whats happening beautiful man'

    Then the following day (Thursday) we went down at around 2pm to have a quick beer. I asked him what he was up to on Friday night and he said that he had plans to have 'a girl over and smoke some weed and chill'. We chatted about that for a bit and he said 'man i bet im going to end up dating this chick'. I was a little bit sad and again came to the conclusion that everything I had thought up to that point was wrong. He asked what i was up to tonight and I said i was supposed to be staying at a friends place but that it was nothing sexual. He said 'yeah right.. who's the friend, what are you doing' etc

    Later that night a few of the grads wanted to get drinks after work and I told my mentor to come. I could only stay for half an hour or so and told him that and he said 'oh na that's ok i can't come anyway im meeting up with that chick im seeing tomorrow night'. I told him that he should just come for a few drinks anyway before he sees her:

    me: 'We getting beers if u wluld like to join
    me: 'Would'

    So I end up seeing him at drinks with everyone. He's there for about 15 minutes before he gets up abruptly and says he 'has to leave'. I locked eyes with him and frowned as he made his way out. Five minutes later he messages me:

    "You know what i would do
    I would fuck you"

    Some context:

    [​IMG]

    I was pretty shocked... and told him I'd fuck him too and that he should come back and we can get drinks away from everyone else.

    He then messages
    "
    I actually love you
    Marry me
    "

    I call him on messenger and he acts super weird on the phone (hes with that girl just around the corner from the pub) but said he'll come back. He messages

    [​IMG]

    He then comes back to the pub im at and i ask him where he wants to go. He says 'im indexed to you, whatver you want to do' so I say we should find a place to have a drink. As soon as we get out of the pub I say 'so are you being serious' and he said 'what do you mean bro?' I said 'those messages you sent.. are you serious or what? I don't care either way'

    And he starts laughing 'bro what do you mean, I'm just talking shit'. He seems genuinely confused, and im definitely confused.. He notices how im feeling and he apologises if he said something wrong etc.

    Anyway we get a drink somewhere. Super awkward. Hes trying to drive conversation, and keeps asking if anything is wrong.. but I don't feel like talking to him about it because I felt like an idiot for thinking he actually wanted to fuck me lol

    We end up catching the train back towards his place because my friend lives that way too. He apologises again, we hug, and then I get an uber. Later on he sends me this on messenger:

    [​IMG]

    The following day (Friday) he is super cold with me. I act like normal, smiling to him, go up and ask him what he wants for brekky, put my hands on his shoulders. He mostly stares at the screen, doesn't lift his hands from the keyboard or mouse, tries to be polite but i can tell he is deliberately being very cold with me. I message him later after work and tell him to come to drinks before he heads off to see the girl. He tells me he is already at drinks with everyone. but again is super cold, distant, curt in his replies.

    So, this all unfolded last week. I don't really know what to do... some of my friends say I should just be normal, be as flirty and kind and happy as I was towards him as I was before but don't talk to him about it... But I'm more inclined to just chat with him and talk it over and tell him why it affected me, because even if nothing progresses sexually this is someone i want as a friend in my life for a very long time. And he really wouldn't care if I told him that I'm bi and would probably appreciate that I confided in him.

    Anyway... thoughts? Are these really the actions of a straight man? How should I approach?
     
    #1 WhatSoNot, Jun 30, 2020 at 11:12 PM
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2020 at 11:45 PM
  2. 2453

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    My guess is he is bisexual and not comfortable with his own sexualiity.

    Can't say for sure, but I had a situation when I was younger where I nearly got with a man who brought me home to his place after a party. Similarly there was nothing said explicitly about sexualiity, but when he touched my thigh on his couch I panicked and apologized and claimed that I wasn't into men - except I am and I ended up leaving. I still regret that interaction and from your story it sounds like he may be where I was.



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  3. WhatSoNot

    WhatSoNot Lurker

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    Thanks for sharing! It's sad that so many of us have felt like that at some point over our lives. My 'straight' best friend completely freaked out and told me very sternly he was straight when I put my arm around him after we passed out in bed at a 21st party. Two years later he told me he had feelings for me!

    But yep, agree with your assessment.

    I think there has to be *something* there. I'm going to try to hang with him after work this Friday and I'll tell him what, who, I like.. and some stories. If he is actually bi hopefully that will allow him to realise that same sex attraction is perfectly normal and he might open up over time.

    Who knows though! We work on the trading floor at an investment bank and the culture is unbelievably in-your-face masculine. Classic 'finance bros' boys club. Not the best place for someone struggling with their sexuality!

    My guess is he'll say no to hanging out this Friday but ill come back with an update soon nonetheless :) 
     

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