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Why am I like this?

Discussion in 'General (Off Topic)' started by Sammy_Lovencanhurt, Feb 22, 2021 at 2:39 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    Hey everyone,

    I'm not sure why I feel the way I do, but I do, and I don't want to. I hold people so close that I end up pushing them away, and I everytime I lose someone, I feel like a piece of me dies. I feel like everyone hates me, and even if they assure me they don't, it feels like they're just lying to me, because I won't hear from them in a while, and everytime, I feel like I'm just better off gone. My family won't understand, they keep saying "Just go outside and make friends, go spend time with your friends" but I don't feel like I have those friends, I don't think I'm actually cared about. So everyday, I just escape to a world of notes, strumming my guitar, singing the vocals, telling myself that my pipe dream is a reality. It's just right now, it feels like I only have one assurance in life, and it makes everyone my friend.

    I'm sorry, I kinda just kept going,
    Sammy
     
  2. Bowiebabe76

    Bowiebabe76 Hot Cookie
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    Sammy I feel exactly the same way. No one understands. I have bad anxiety and depression myself right now. Medication isn’t working. I feel supremely insignificant. I just don’t matter. Don’t feel like you are alone. I’m here if you ever want to talk.
     
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  3. ilovetea
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    ilovetea tech-preist
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    damn. I can always talk if u are free
     
  4. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    It sucks, whenever I talk to someone, it's almost like they don't truly get it, like I'm talking to an empty room, and it feels more alone then ever.

    There's never a moment I'm not free, I'm always looking through the internet, it's just if I feel up to talking that's inconsistent.
     
  5. Butterfly88
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    Butterfly88 Has fallen 87 times and stood up 88
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    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling like this. You seem to like music. Do you ever use that to express how you are feeling? I think that could be helpful. *Hugs*
     
  6. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    I do, it's the only thing keeping me going right now, and everything I am gets expressed through it, but it never feels like it's enough.
     
  7. the-other-dave

    the-other-dave Addictive Contributor
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    If people don't understand you, it doesn't mean they hate you. They just have difficulty seeing things from your perspective. It is easy to think of people as enemies when they don't react to us the way we'd like them to.

    Since you're musical, it may be that music is your main form of expression. People who aren't musicians won't quite understand how your mind works, they can't relate to that part of you. And that's ok, it doesn't mean you can't get along with musical people or anyone else who doesn't have much in common with you. It just may take a bit longer to find common ground with certain people.
     
  8. Butterfly88
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    I'm glad to hear you are doing that at least! *More hugs*
     
  9. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    It feels like they hate not from a lack of understanding, but from the way they react afterwards, like I'm a blight upon this world, like I've been revealed as a monster from the deepest chasms of hell, almost as if I'm the personification of Tartarus.

    Music is my main form of expression, it brings everything I've ever felt and ever had. People understand it, they just can't accept it. I try and try to find common ground, but people seemingly don't want to find that with me. Even my family doesn't want to find that common ground.

    I just wish for something more, and it's selfish to say that, but I do, I wish for someone to be here for me, to share a hug every so often, to tell me it's ok and things won't always be this way, that this storm will abate, and I can see the sun in its glory for once.
     
  10. Butterfly88
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    I don't think it's selfish to say that at all! Everybody needs somebody.
     
  11. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    I've always been told it's selfish to put mine own desires above the desires of others.
     
  12. Butterfly88
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    The way I look at it is you can't possibly help others if you don't help yourself first.
     
  13. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    I wish I could've been raised with that, I am however stuck with my self-destructive nature at the expense of helping others.
     
  14. Bowiebabe76

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    I totally understand what you’re saying. People don’t get me either. I feel completely misunderstood and misconstrued most of the time. My mind never shuts off. Lately to try and deal with that and my anxiety I try to keep busy. One thing i have started to do is write poetry to just get all those thoughts and feelings out some how. It has been helping. I don’t know if that’s something you might want to try.
     
  15. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    People take what you say and try and place it within the way they want to see it, not the way it actually is. It creates a constant state of panic where I'm constantly trying to alter how I'm wording everything, so it doesn't become to complex to understand. I'm someone who loves to convey thoughts with a conceptual expression, not a logical or emotional, as most tend to. I love to write music, lyrics and compositions, but it is more conceptual then emotional, thus people tell me it will never get anywhere
     
  16. the-other-dave

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    when do they react like this? Is it when you say certain things in particular? Is it in certain situations with certain people? It may be helpful if you give some examples.

    I'm no expert on friendships by any means, but I have managed to form friendships with people I didn't expect to get along with, and I have had a horrible time trying to get closer to people that I did actually like. We all have a bit of monster inside us.
     
    #16 the-other-dave, Feb 25, 2021 at 3:58 AM
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021 at 11:41 AM
  17. Hayden Kun
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    Hayden Kun Greenhorn
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    Hey Sammy,
    Its Hayden again. I'm sorry you feel this way right now. I feel it most of the time at night. I have had a friend who I was close with. She goes to a different school than me now, but I try to contact her through email. I have pushed her out of my life for a bit but then I felt something was missing. She doesn't respond to my emails so I guess she has moved on. I also have an escape from reality. Gymnastics is what makes me feel happy. Being active is what I can do to escape the real world. Hope you feel better :)  .
     
  18. Bowiebabe76

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    they do. I’m constantly trying to word things so that they can’t be misunderstood. Doesn’t seem to matter though. People see and here what they want. Did you write that part with you signature at the bottom? It’s awesome.
     
  19. Sammy_Lovencanhurt
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    Sammy_Lovencanhurt I don't need no love, all I need is a sugar rush
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    It's just when I talk about myself in any capacity, like my interest, my personality, who I am, anything to do with myself.

    I don't think it's a monster inside me, I think they see me as a monster. I've learned to accept that I won't get along with anyone, no matter how badly I want to.

    Hey Hayden, it's nothing you need to apologise for, you aren't the cause. It's just a constant feeling. I used to have one really close friend, I even called him my older brother and I was his baby sister. But we've lost touch, and I'm trying to get that back, it is futile however, he doesn't want me in his life. It's wonderful to hear that you have your escape from reality, and I'm quite pleased that it works for you. I wish I could hope to be better, however it feels like I won't.

    People are and always will be set within their own mindset, no matter where they come from. My signature isn't my own work, it's a verse of my favourite song that I shortened, I'm still not sure if I should place my lyrics anywhere, I'm not confident in them.
     
  20. Bowiebabe76

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    You should. I joined a poetry group yesterday and started sharing my poetry. I’m not the world’s greatest poet by any means but It’s another thing to take my mind off of shit and also gives me the opportunity to talk to people who are like minded and into poetry too. I also get to see others work too. Maybe there’s a group like that for songwriters you would like. I think there may have been a section for that in the poetry group i’m in.
     

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