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Where do I fit in in 'the community'

Discussion in 'Gay' started by buffering, Jun 10, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. buffering

    buffering Lurker

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    I went on a date recently with a guy where I was meeting his friends for the first time. Within 2 minutes of being there I have never felt more unwelcome in my life. They were all 'scene' guys who spent the evening tearing apart every aspect of my personality because I was not 'gay enough'

    I have both masculine and feminine traits which I think is common for a lot of people (what ever there sexuality) but I was accused of not being good enough for their friend as I was clearly still in the closet and was repressing my true self. It got to the point where they stopped talking direct to me and instead made snide comments in my general direction and then I just left.

    Unfortunately this has been my experience with the Lgbt community offline, in the real world when ever I have ventured to gay clubs or bars so I have to ask. Where do I fit in this community if I'm not deemed as gay enough to be a part of it??
     
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  2. AliceR
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    AliceR Reliable Advisor
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    I'm sorry you had to go through that. :-(
    It sounds like complete bullshit and absolutely rude.
    Everyone is different. Diversity makes the world a better place.
    What about the LGBT Center? (I've never been to the one in my city, so I don't know, but they're probably more open).

    You are more than welcome on this website, where I hope you feel at home. :) 
     
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  3. flyboy15
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    Honestly, I have found gay guys to be more condescending towards other gays, than straight guys. I feel the same way you do. You want to be part of the community, but dont feel you fit in. I have similar traits....most wouldnt know I was gay unless I told them. Have wondered too if I was gay enough. And yes, that has kept me from engaging in real life gay activities, clubs, etc. I wish I had the answer....i know it's a very diverse community, so I guess I just need to find the right people.
     
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  4. AliceR
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    You both make me sad. I never knew about this. :-(
    Well, that makes two of you already just here, so there has to be a lot more guys like you out there. Just need to keep looking, I guess, like you said.
     
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  5. flyboy15
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    flyboy15 Invisible
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    Thanks Alice :)  The center is a good idea....unfortunately I dont have any near me, live in a small town. But it might be worth a trip to one.
     
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  6. AliceR
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    I'm too chicken to go to the one in my city, but I know I should try sometime.
     
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  7. Pandeya
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    Pandeya Ouroboros
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    Me too! I've been too anxious to engage the local queer community hangouts/groups irl. I'm going to be trying to get the nerve up for it before June is out though! >_<*
     
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  8. flyboy15
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    There is one in NYC, not too far from me. Might have to check it out....if I can get up the nerve lol.
     
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  9. AliceR
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    I'm glad to know it's not just me. *awkward laugh* =p
     
  10. Yami Bakura
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    Yami Bakura ♚King of Thieves♚
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    I'm very sorry you had to experience that. They were the ones that weren't good enough for you, not the other way around. Can I be honest? I don't know where I fit within the LGBTQ community either. I find myself fluctuating between gay and maybe pan, I don't know where to meet people and such. So I feel just as out of sorts as well.

    Truth is, you do belong in the community. There is no such thing about having to be a certain amount of anything to qualify. You fit it. Those people were just assholes. Sorry you had to experience that. You got friends here.
     
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  11. Erin.b
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    Y'all can hang out with the transes! We have cookies! :) 
     
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  12. Pandeya
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    I'll eat your cookies Erin! (I lie, I won't actually, unless they're more of a savoury biscuit/cracker - I gave up refined sugar this year -_-* - I've never wanted ice cream more in my life!!)

    Tldr; cookies are great! o.p?
    Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk
     
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  13. Yami Bakura
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    I need to visit the LGBT center in my city. I just need to meet people more IRL. But it is fun talking to everypony online too. ^^
     
  14. Being.
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    I have the opposites issue. I'M seen as too gay to be dateable by men who want someone "straight acting". Which is annoying because I look masculine as fuck. But I just rock who I am.
     
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  15. Being.
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    I'm not sure what a LGBT center is.
    But the only LGBT group in my town I am officially one year too old for.
    Apparently once you turn 24 you no longer need support or friends!
    News to me!
     
  16. Pandeya
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    I'm sorry to hear that, my partner works at a local community centre with a queer youth group and they have a similar policy sadly. However, the youths are trying to get a mentorship program going so that former members can still maintain contact with the community and stay involved. Perhaps they might consider establishing a program like that? o.0?
     
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  17. Being.
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    I wouldn't know. I never got to go by the time I found out about it.
     
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  18. Yami Bakura
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    Yami Bakura ♚King of Thieves♚
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    It's a shame that they seem to think that once somepony gets past a certain age, they don't need "support" which of course is utter bullshit. Like myself, I am a young adult who is trying to figure himself out and his identity as a trans boy. He has already given up contact with his mother and his dad is dangling by a thread at this point. Of course I'm talking about my own experience, point is, we all need support in some way, shape or form.

    Even though I'm just words on a screen to many of you, my feelings behind them are indeed real. I support you guys and you guys have supported me. Without this place, I honestly don't know where I'd be. It keeps being there for me when I think the real world has turned against me.
     
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  19. Pandeya
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    That's so crap =( *hugs*
     
  20. Erin.b
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    Thay’re trying to defend against predators and sugar daddies. Not saying it’s right. But that’s the motive for the age thing.

    I’ve driven 70 miles to find locked doors and an empty parking lot, trying to find like minds (people really should update websites). I can relate to the small town thing. Toss in conservative state and I feel about as welcome and supported as plague.

    To date this site is all I have too.
    *hugs Otouto*
     

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