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What's the best way to talk with other gay men?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Aquares, Sep 12, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Aquares

    Aquares Books, games, movies, Oh my!
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    So, I want to start off by saying that I'm interested in relationships, but nothing to serious. This would be the first time I've ever done something like this and I'm quite scared honestly. Not of the people I'll meet, but how I'll be around them or what I do.

    I've never dated anyone, and I don't know if I'm ready to put myself out there by using dating apps. I'm not against dating apps, but... It's intimidating. I found an app called Surge, but so far I've been to scared to set up my profile. I guess I'm just worried people won't like me. I don't want to set this fake me and then pretend to be someone I'm not, I just want to be appreciated for who I am not who someone wants me to be.

    Any advice?
     
  2. Being.
    Depressed

    Being. Rip Me Apart
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    Advice? In my experience only go near the apps if you want to be used. Most of them are on there for sex.
     
  3. Aquares

    Aquares Books, games, movies, Oh my!
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    Yeah, that's what I wanted to avoid. Guess it can't be helped though. I'm sure I'll figure it out someday!
     
  4. Matt314
    Alone

    Matt314 Greenhorn

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    Please PM me if you want! I'm always free to chat! Or something more if you want ;) 
     
  5. lilbrewdog
    Lonely

    lilbrewdog Definitely Probably Not A Robot
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    You misspelled "all".
     
  6. Being.
    Depressed

    Being. Rip Me Apart
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    Well I mean, I wouldn't be. So there must be SOME others, surely, unless I'm just pretty optimistic for a pessimist (Oh ho! A music reference)
     
  7. CanadianBi
    Amused

    CanadianBi Big thoughts in a small package
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    If you do decide to set up a profile just be sure to make your intentions clear, as stated above a lot of them are pretty simple minded but I've found as soon as you make it clear there's more to you then that they don't bother. Also try not to think too hard about how you act or what you saying, that will just lead you to constantly change how you are talking and acting, if you really wanna be yourself don't think about it just do it and you'll be much more true to yourself. And finally the last bit you said is key you want to be appreciated for who you already are, so scream that if you have too, you are a good human being who deserves respect and should accept nothing less.
     
  8. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    Hello and welcome.
    Your opening post actually described two specific issues.

    "The best way to talk to gay men" <--This was your headline.
    On the other hand the body of your post had enquiries on "Where" to meet them.
    (Pardon me i'm a giant nerd)

    To summarize your questions.
    you could meet very nice guys right here..Simply do you homework.
    Read members profiles.. see what they post.. get involved with a "person of interest" in the forums.

    Dating applications are more like menus.

    You see a picture of a person you like... then you have to initiate a conversation based on a particular interest at that moment... then usually if this engagement fails.. you move on to the next individual to start this process all over again.

    I encourage you to find and stick to a LGBT forum .
    I promise you the experiences will be more meaningful.
    Most times distance is an issue.

    (Choose wisely).

    Thanks for posting.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J120AZ using Tapatalk
     
  9. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Get in touch with an LGBT organization near where you live. Lots of them sponsor social events, where you can meet people before you arrange a hookup.
     
  10. Barefoot
    Horny

    Barefoot Casual Observer
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    There are apps that lean more toward relationships than hookups. When choosing a dating service, you can't do too much research. Try before you buy, and try several. See what they offer in your area.
     
  11. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    No disrespect meant here.. but is a hookup always a distant priority?

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J120AZ using Tapatalk
     
  12. Aquares

    Aquares Books, games, movies, Oh my!
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    I want to thank everyone who has posted so far. It's been a great help knowing that people know what I'm dealing with or have had similar situations.

    I think I'll avoid any dating apps for now and see what I can do here. It seems like everyone here is very welcoming and nice and I hope I can continue to experience that when I'm looking for someone to share it with! It's great knowing there are so many nice people on this site!
     
    #12 Aquares, Sep 13, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2017
  13. Aquares

    Aquares Books, games, movies, Oh my!
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    I agree, that sounds nice. Although I think it would be an issue for me as I live in a fairly small town and I've not heard about hookups for any LGBT community. That might be a bit out of my reach.
     
  14. lilbrewdog
    Lonely

    lilbrewdog Definitely Probably Not A Robot
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    Ayy Paramore!
    And I guess you're right, but there's really not too much difference between 99% and all.

    Personally, I stay away from online dating, but maybe I've read too many horror stories. (that's a distinct possibility.)
    A friend of a friend set me up with a blind date a while back. The guy seemed like a nice guy until after the second date. Turns out he was kind of a douche.
    Haven't dated anyone since and I can't say I'm particularly eager to try.
    Granted, it'd be nice to have a romantic relationship with someone, but I can't take rejection well.

    I mean, I always talk about how relationships and emotions are gross and I want no part of them, but during this particularly lucid moment, I really wish I could find someone.

    And now I'll just receded back into my stage persona.
    [​IMG]
     
  15. Finis
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    Finis Body of Utopia
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    I wouldn't be too self-conscious over how you will be around them & the things that you do --- Be yourself.

    Through trial and error, something will be lost yet gained. It's only fair.

    Don't be intimated of putting yourself out there, people are just as capable as you are; and, vice-versa --- You are just as capable as everyone else.

    Take your time. You've got plenty of it. Promise.

    When it comes to finding a potential partner, I'm sure that with plus or minus 7, 8, to 9 billion people out there, there's a candidate or group of candidates that fits your desired being.

    Take a deep breath, I'm sure you'll do fine.

    Stay lucky, angel cakes ;) 
     
  16. Being.
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    Oh yes. Online dating is rather risky, found that out myself really fast.

    Hey! It's Bo? Idk how to spell his name XD
     
  17. lilbrewdog
    Lonely

    lilbrewdog Definitely Probably Not A Robot
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    It's Bo yo.
     
  18. Esco

    Esco Greenhorn
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    Dating Apps are getting a bad reputation here, but truth is "people are people" no matter where one meets them.

    When you go to the produce section at the grocery you have to sift through the produce because theres always ore or two rotten pieces of fruit in the bunch and its the same any where people interact. No one wears a sign saying I'm good or I'm bad, you have to experience them to find out whats inside them.

    Many people really are con artist but some people really do believe they are great people and self promote them self but they have all kinds of negative baggage and character flaws that they cant see. If there is a perfect person out there they are as rare as dinosaurs teeth. and already taken. :) 

    One takes a chance when they say hello or someone says hello to them and the potential for a broken heart down the road does exist.... but also the potential for a happy time with a great person exist as well.

    It doesn't matter if your in a bar, on a dating site, or a chat forum people are people and there will always be a mixture of good and bad and we can never really know which they are until we get involved with them.

    As for how to strike up a conversation...some people are extroverts and find it very easy to be outgoing while others are introverts and feel scared, shy and awkward at the thought of saying hello first. There is no rule that says you have to speak up first when interested in some one but it helps get things going.

    I am not expert on relationships, lonely myself but I do put forth an effort to meet people even though it seems a bit awkward... I have found that people like to talk about them self and some the following are some easy one liners to get a conversation started.

    I like your Tattoo where did you get the work done?
    I like your Tee Shirt I'm also a fan of ___________?
    Love your fragrance what is it and where can I buy some?
    Can you tell me where the _________ is at, I am new here?

    On line.....looking at profiles and responding to them...

    I noticed we live in the same town, state etc.
    Just wanted to say hello and tell you that you have a great smile (everyone loves a compliment)
    I noticed you like to ______________ as much as I do. wanna talk a bit?

    Just little stuff like that can start up a great conversation.
     
    #18 Esco, Sep 20, 2017 at 3:46 AM
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017 at 4:01 AM

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