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What would have helped you?

Discussion in 'For Parents or Guardians of LGBT+ Children' started by mcf719, Jul 31, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. mcf719

    mcf719 Lurker

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    Hey! I am a parent and I’m almost 100% positive that my teen son is gay. I want to know what you would have appreciated from your parents when you were young/before “coming out”. I love my son dearly and I am his biggest fan and supporter!! I understand no teen wants to talk to their parent about their sexuality, but I want him to know that I always have his back and he can come to me with anything. So...what could your parents have done for you to make your teen years easier?
     
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  2. genderlesspan
    Balanced

    genderlesspan Greenhorn
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    You don't have to talk to him directly about it, just show that you are 100% supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. Personally it would have been easier for me to come out if my parents had talked about their support more often and openly so that I could be sure they'd be okay with it.
     
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  3. Tights_and_Skirts

    Tights_and_Skirts Addictive Contributor
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    Definitely as above. I would hate it if my parents came to me about this stuff but showing that you’ll be open is essential. Maybe let him know (subtly!) that he can come to you with anything but ultimately you just have to wait until he tells you (or doesn’t). If and when he does, let him know you’re supportive but honestly I’d say not to make a big deal, because, as you say, it’s not something kids want to talk about with their parents.
    Hope this helps!
    Ginny xxx
     
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  4. Zannan
    Lonely

    Zannan Hot Cookie
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    Just supportive stuff in general and knowing it would be okay to come out. I wouldn't directly tell him you believe he is gay but, would make sure he knows you are going to be okay with it.

    I'm with the others in this regard.
     
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  5. mcf719

    mcf719 Lurker

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    Thanks for all the advice! ❤️
     
  6. Barefoot
    Daring

    Barefoot Casual Observer
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    When he sees that you are supportive of LGBT people he will come out to you on his own when he is ready. In the meantime, he will be watching you to determine how you feel about LGBT people. I think it will work out fine in a natural progression.
     
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  7. Being.
    Cheeky

    Being. Zone
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    Knowing that you'll be supportive.
    It was a three year battle to even get my parents to slightly accept me after I came out. It would have been much easier if they were supportive
     
  8. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    Anytime there’s a gay person on television or on the news, express your delight or approval. I mean you don’t have to jump up and down or anything but if a gay kiss happens in a show just say ‘how cute’ or ‘aren’t they a lovely couple’. You’ll find that if you think your son is gay then anything gay in the news or on television sort of makes you go quiet or awkward where it should be totally the opposite. If he sees your support he’ll be much more likely to feel comfortable coming out. My parents for example used to sigh or skip through parts on television involving gay kisses which affected me really negatively. So it seems such a small thing but if my parents had made tiny positive comments about gay kisses or gay couples on tv I’d have felt so much more at ease
     
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  9. hauchiko
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    Make sure you're not stereotyping him though. I ended up with a huge personal aversion to any homosexual stuff because I was determined to not be what everyone expected of me, and now its a lot more complicated for me to understand myself. Show support for LGBT anything, like Gay guy said, but don't confront him about his sexuality
     
  10. Freaky.Fiona

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    Sorry if this seems overly forward, but since you’re on here, does that mean you are also bi or gay (lesbian)? If so, I would assume that might help, as you’ll have more empathy for his situation. This is something I have found as a bisexual mother with my 16 year old daughter, as she’s been ‘exploring’ things and is at a place where she’s not fully sure what or where she is (not willing to be labeled and clearly still likes boys, but also girls). I just hug her and encourage her, tell her in many ways I was in her shoes, too (and do understand what it’s like to like girls/be with them, so I get more of her perspective about things), and I’m there for her if she needs me. Not sure if any of this is of any help, I hope so!
     
  11. Melancholia
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    Melancholia Ditch That Bitch
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    The fact that you're on here asking for advice on how to deal with this in a positive and supportive way, gives me the impression that you and your kid are gonna get through this just fine. He's lucky to have a parent like you who wants to accept him for all that he is. Good luck! And keep us updated on how you're managing.
     
  12. Athamantis

    Athamantis Greenhorn

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    Hi!
    Your son needs to know that you are all right with it, (don't say it directly). Follow some of the advices the other users have, I think that will work.
    Let him take his time comming out to you. Don't talk to him about it before he have said it to you.
    And if it turns out he isn't gay, but bi instead. And you don't know anything about bi. That will be a little acward and harder to come out. So I would have read me up about the sexualities, so you knew what it was when he comes out.
    Remember you are his mother so be supportive and be there for him!
    Good luck!
    -Athamantis

    Sent fra min SM-G900F via Tapatalk
     
    #12 Athamantis, Aug 2, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  13. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    Mother
     
  14. Athamantis

    Athamantis Greenhorn

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    Sry T-T
    Thanks!

    Sent fra min SM-G900F via Tapatalk
     
  15. Yami Bakura
    Kickass

    Yami Bakura ♚King of Thieves♚
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    I think what would have helped me when I came out as trans to my dad was for him to have been a bit more supportive. It has been an uphill battle for him to understand that how I see myself isn't just a phase or a choice, I am indeed a man. I haven't had much support from my family during my transition. My dad doesn't even know I'm on hormones.and it is likely to remain that way. Needless to say I think my dad has come around a little bit but it is still difficult. We don't have the best relationship..my mom just doesn't get it.

    Luckily I have some people outside my family that support me and who have helped me during my transition.

    I think that by being open and supportive, your son will eventually feel safe to come out to you. Just letting him know that you're a person he can trust for guidance will be a big help. That's what I would have liked when I first came out. I wish there were more supportive parents like you.
     

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