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What it's like to be Pan for you?

Discussion in 'Pansexual' started by Solana, Nov 12, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Solana
    Procrastinating

    Solana A pretty problematic pansexual
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    How do people react when you tell them your pan (negative or positive?), how is the lgbtq community viewed/accepted in your school, college, community, ect. Do you think that its harder or easier to identify as Pansexual compared to other sexualities? Im asking because I live in the bible belt and most of my school knows and accepts me as pan, so i was wondering if the experience is different for others.
     
  2. anon_abstraction
    Talkative

    anon_abstraction sometimes fluxy, always enby
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    I'm on vacation currently so I have had a TON of interaction with my family.

    My mom actually laughed at my Peter Pan joke today. We were leaving the theater (Murder on the Orient Express....sooo good btw). And I was confused what we were doing and my dad made a joke about [whatever the number is] star on the left and straight on til morning.

    I'm all, "I'm PAN not PETER Pan"

    My mom laughed, she loves puns.

    1) My mom and dad are super cool.

    2) My sister...less so. I'm not sure if she expects me to come out EVERY time my gender changes (genderfluid) which would be exhausting for everyone involved or if she was mad about the name change or the label change but we're okay I'd say. She was mad, we made up, we're cool now. She gets mad easy though. \shrugs

    3) My brother was pretty cool too but my sister-in-law is beyond grade AA bitch level and if she doesn't agree with it, no matter the validity, it's 100% false.

    4) My ex was better about the pan/transgender stuff than my sister-in-law

    5) Many of my friends and coworkers are Lgbtq though.

    6) 2 of my high school friends are bi. My straight friend from high school lived in Houston where he met his girlfriend who was basically family members with two transgender peeps.

    6) The owner of my restaurant is married to a bi man. She has also threatened denial of patronage if anyone bothers me ever in her establishment. MANY of the people at work are LGBTQ. From the people I know at work the majority is bi. I have a friend who worked with us for a while she is a woman and only romantically and sexually attracted to other women (she adamately refuses to label her sexuality)

    And I live in Northern Colorado, though I am currently in a super conservative part of the state(vacation), so it is very liberal.

    I've been very lucky in my friends and family and coworkers. Turns out they're amazing. I always feel Soooooooo bad for the people that have it worse than me.

    ( I don't know why I chose numbers....)
     
  3. anon_abstraction
    Talkative

    anon_abstraction sometimes fluxy, always enby
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    Sorry, I just checked your post again. Let me answer ALL of your questions instead of just friends, family, and work.

    I actually learned I was LGBT when I went to the Pride Center on my campus. I lacked the language before to describe how I felt. Odd how language can have that effect. Once I HAD the language and percolated on it for a while, I knew I was a) definitely not straight and b) definitely not cisgender. It took a lot of effort to force the homophobia/transphobia out but it definitely almost completely, if not utterly gone at this point. The person that walked me through the initial sensitivities to language and hate speech and then, since they are agender, which is my natural off state, they were very helpful with the original bouts of AGENDER dysphoria. They worked at the Pride Center and I would probably be dead without the help they provided. They aren't much help with the genderqueer t-girl part.

    School Pride Center is a definite plus. If it weren't for that random visit to the Pride Center, I would probably be the same as I was for most of my life--hiding my attraction to people other than cis women and comfortrable with being called cis (I have identified what cis feels like, and I have probably only been solo cis for <10 hours of my life and I most certainly wasn't ALWAYS cis for 30 years. I may dub it assholegender/toxicmasculinity gender ).

    ~so~

    I definitely approve of campus LGBT organizations. It's how I found myself and a place where I could take my shirt off and expose the spaghetti strap underneath.

    ~I dunno though~

    My work just happens to be very accepting which is where I meet most people or am introduced to people. So I am not sure if it is harder or easier than bi/lesbian/anything really because most of my friends are not straight. Most of them are cis, but the vast majority of people I am around are not straight.

    ~that being said~

    I have had some harassment at work, but boys will be boys until faced with employment termination \shrugs. Homophobic jokes are cool and all until someone is in no way straight. Then when you say things like the following it seems like sexual harassment X_X.

    Dude: "Hyuk hyuk, you know it, after I pull my ____ out of your ____ and I start [insert oral sex joke performed on my person I really don't want to go into which was-also-the last straw]"
    Me *successfully doesn't scratch dude eyes out and starts inarticulately screaming and yelling instead*
    Kitchen manager: Whoa [Deadname] (wasn't Taylor yet) chill out! He didn't say anything offensive!
    Me *still mad in a very bad way decides to go over KMs head to owner*: okay, no, you're right. we're cool

    (I had already talked to the KM about this once, same reaction, something had to be done)

    You would never say anything like that to a woman without immediate repercussions of the legal and lawsuit and fired on the spot variety. When dudes do it, gray area. That was the SECOND time he was that bad. I also hadn't come out. Coming out genderqueer/pan and talking to him about this stuff calmly helped a bunch. The fact that showed up in his review, probably helped too...and i made it abundantly clear in our conversation that repercussions would come from next time. I had guarantees from management. Legal "dude-homophobic-jokes-gray-area" ends when you are calmly asked to stop.....calmly.

    same dude: "I've got no problem with the gays"
    Me internally: "Why god why?!"

    I had to go over my direct manager to the owner, he still works there, he just knows what to say and what not to.

    So for me majority good to the point that it is hard to compare to what "bad" even means. I feel terrible for saying that -_-
     

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