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Lesbian What are the biggest signs that you might be a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by queerandhere, Oct 15, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. queerandhere

    queerandhere Greenhorn
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    As usual, trying to look at any possible signs past/present that I might be gay. What do you all think are the biggest signs that you might be attracted to girls, and not just sexually curious?

    I thought I might be lesbian because I have felt nervous and blushy around girls all throughout high school. I definitely had a huge crush on this girl that I knew for a few years and could not stop thinking about her, but nothing ever happened between us. I started having sexual fantasies about her because that was the only way I could ever feel close to her. Once I tried dating other girls for the first time to move on, I didn't feel attracted to any of them. That's why I am still questioning. Maybe I'm demi too?

    Also, I've been on a date where they didn't believe I liked girls and that killed me mentally and emotionally. I started to believe them and I'm not even sure what the truth is anymore lol.
     
    #1 queerandhere, Oct 15, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2020
  2. Love4Ever
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    Love4Ever Well-Known Contributor
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    To me it sounds like you’re definitely attracted to women so you’re at least bi imho. Do you have any sexual attraction to men or only women?
     
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  3. CherryTree
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    CherryTree Hot Cookie
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    Sounds like you’re definitely attracted to girls. How do you feel about guys? Looking back, the biggest sign that I was a lesbian was that all my sexual fantasies were about girls and that although I liked guys as friends, sex with guys left me feeling really meh. You would not believe how long I managed to convince myself otherwise though! Congrats on having way more self-awareness than I had!
     
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  4. Hatelove

    Hatelove Reliable Contributor
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    If the idea of having sex with a man disgust you.
     
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  5. Divergent

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    For sure if you picture yourself/fantasize being with a woman. That’s a good sign. :D 
     
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  6. queerandhere

    queerandhere Greenhorn
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    I think only to women, but not all women or even a lot of women. That's why I mentioned the demi part. No sexual attraction to men at all. However, I have never had sex with a woman, so it's hard to say if I would want something sexual with a woman. Also I'm not sure if it's just purely sexual attraction.

    Wow, thank you!! I still have a lot of work to do, but I appreciate the comment. :)  I feel conflicted about guys. I can imagine a romantic relationship but only because I feel like it's easier and there is no tension there. I've only had sexual fantasies about girls, but when I asked other people what that could mean, they said that fantasies have nothing to do with your sexual orientation. And now I'm confused AF lol

    Not that it disgusts me but I feel more disinterested and averse to having sex with men.
     
    #6 queerandhere, Oct 15, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2020
  7. Love4Ever
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    Love4Ever Well-Known Contributor
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    I disagree that all fantasies are not an indication of one’s sexuality. Sure, people fantasize about things they wouldn’t do in real life, but if you’re regularly fantasizing about women then I don’t see how that can be anything else other than a sign that you are sexually attracted to them.
     
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  8. queerandhere

    queerandhere Greenhorn
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    Yeah I initially didn't feel like fantasies mattered but since they've been on the regular (lol), it doesn't make sense when other people say it's not significant. I mean... I definitely sense sexual attraction, but I have no interest in dating women anymore. Maybe it's just sexual attraction then. I know people who identify as lesbian do feel romantic attraction, and I feel like that doesn't really apply to me. Thanks for clearing things up for me haha
     
  9. lavender_dreaming

    lavender_dreaming When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade!
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    hmm as for me the signs didn't all come at once, I had to watch them as I was realizing them

    for some time I had to deal with being different and only after that I realized it's okay and normal

    I would say that one sign is attraction of course, although I find it difficult to be attracted to just any girl, I'm extremely picky (I don't even have a type, it's the energy I look for in people)
    and then I realized that my way of thinking is replacing males with females, imagining how things would be...if, for example I would wake up next to a girl, how it would be if I was married to a girl..how life would be if my partner would go visit me at home and my relatives..you know, just generally thinking about relationship life, even more intimate things, always with a girl instead of man

    and although it was difficult at first to accept (because heteronormative society), first time these thoughts scared me...but I couldn't help but get back to them later again...and again...so I found myself thinking this way more and more often, but why?...because I wanted to think this way

    and after some time, life made more sense to me and I felt like it's natural for me

    maybe try ask yourself: there is someone standing in front of you, loving you from the bottom of their heart, cherishing you for who you are and offering you the most beautiful lips to kiss.... who is it? would you rather it to be a girl or a boy? :) 
     
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  10. CherryTree
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    I love it! Exactly!
     
  11. Azura

    Azura yuri trash
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    I mean just because you're gay, it doesn't mean that you'll like every girl you see. Much like how every straight girls won't like every guy they meet. Hence that might be why you didn't feel much during your date, simply because you weren't attracted to her. I realized that I could be gay when I had a crush on this girl during high school (it took me nearly 2 years to even realized that I had feelings for her lol because I'm an idiot). I was still confused about my sexuality at that point, but I guess what really solidify my sexuality was that I'm always more attracted to female characters in movies, books, cartoon, etc. I also like female singers more than male singers too. I think that was what helped me realized that I was attracted to females. I hope this could maybe help you sort out your feelings in someways. Have a good day :) 
     
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  12. queerandhere

    queerandhere Greenhorn
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    Thank you all for the great advice <3
     
  13. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Advisor
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    Only you know who you are attracted to, nobody can really tell you that because we aren't you and don't know your exact thoughts and feelings. However, from an outside perspective, it def. sounds like you are at least bi or demi. If you had a crush on a girl long ago, it doesn't discount it for being a long time ago. Even if it was the only girl crush you ever had, it still matters, its still significant and there's a chance you could feel that way again for another. The way I knew I was into girls was I realized many of the feelings I once felt for guys that I liked were exactly the same as the ones I felt for girls I thought I liked, except they were deeper (prob because I was an adult by this point).

    Keep in mind, you won't feel attraction to every girl you meet. You won't connect in that way with everyone, guys or girls. Its just like how there's been people who we have been attracted to, but they don't feel the same way. It actually takes kind of a lot to genuinely like someone and start a relationship with them. You both have to like each other, you both have to have chemistry together and be on the same page and you both have to want to be together. If any of that is one sided, it won't work out. Don't pressure yourself though, don't think too much. Just let things happen naturally. You'll know if you like someone, it won't require a lot of thinking.
     
  14. Lilyinthecloset-✨
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    Lilyinthecloset-✨ Getting over ex gf

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    I think step one to this is the fact you're considering the question: "Am I attracted to females?" This could be a sign that you're becoming more aware in your love life and starting to emotionally react more with females than with males. I'm no expert with love however, I'm simply trying to help :) 
     
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  15. Becky Kelly
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    How do girls hav sex
     
  16. Shelly1995

    Shelly1995 Greenhorn
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    Personally I didn't know that I was a lesbian until I had a girl sorta show me. I think that for you it might just be finding the right one who will help prove your desires and love you for who you are
     
  17. Love4Ever
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    Love4Ever Well-Known Contributor
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    I agree this is how it works for a lot of people. Sometimes you DO need to be in the moment to know.
     
  18. Leighleigh
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    Leighleigh Greenhorn
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    I disagree with this. One can still be gay and tolerate sex with men and not be disgusted. It's different for everyone!
     
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  19. Hatelove

    Hatelove Reliable Contributor
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    Nope. You are totally wrong. These ways of thinking are why no one take lesbians seriously. Lesbian mean only interested in women physically and emotionally. If you want to have sex or even tolerate sex with a man you are bisexual. People should be careful about labels. Or lesbians would never be taken seriously and will end up with half ass “lesbians” who want to sleep with men.
     
  20. Leighleigh
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    I do see your point, but feel there is a definitely a 'sliding scale' for sexuality. While some lesbians might be straight up meaning disgusted with sleeping with men, for those that might be 90%(throwing a random percent out there, it may simplify and make their lives less confusing to identify with being lesbian. In all transparency, I am new to this and am learning. This is how I see it, probably because that is the place I am. But I am learning. I appreciate seeing the views of other gay women.
     
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