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Transgender and non binary experiences

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Gay guy, Jul 8, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    I’m not transgender or non binary I’m gay and identity as a man but I don’t know too much about transgender people or people who are non binary. I know they’re not the same thing but they’re the part of the lgbtq+ acronym that I know the least about. Does anyone wish to share any sort of experiences they went through within these categories to educate a clueless guy like me. I’m honestly not being prejudiced I genuinely want to know more about people who are going through these types of things.
     
  2. River W.
    Jammie

    River W. Close the goddamn door
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    Oh, I have had plenty. You see, I myself am genderqueer/genderfluid, and I've had plenty of clueless people saying that it's not a thing, or I'm just confused. "There's only male and female! Any other 'gender' is just nonsense that you tumblrfucks MADE UP." Yeah, I've heard a lot of that bullshit. Mostly on the internet, but there was one instance in real life a while back.

    You see, I like to present masculine. That means no makeup, button-down shirts, jeans, stuff like that. I also have short hair, so that usually makes people think I'm a guy when they first look at me. Now, I have feminine features (seeing as I am biologically female), so, I've had instances where I meet people and they're really confused as to if I'm a guy or gal. Now, most of the time, i explain, and they're pretty cool with it, and we get along well. But, sometimes... well, I'll refer you back to earlier: "There's only male and female! Any other 'gender' is just nonsense that you tumblrfucks MADE UP."

    Ok so now we get to the instance. So, sometime late last year, I was in lunch with some friends, and this guy walks up to our table. Now, just for reference, our friend group usually just keep ourselves withing our group. We only have maybe two or three friends outside the group. So, anyways, this guy comes up. He doesn't look at anyone else in the group but me. "So." he says in a sneering tone "Are you a boy or a girl?" He keeps looking me dead in the eyes, and of course, at that point, I'm confused. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just ignored him, and tried to get my friends to do the same and just keep talking like before. I thought if we did that he'd give up and go away, but no. He just kept asking me "Are you a boy or a girl?" "Come on you tumblrfuck, answer the question!" At that point I had figured out what he was trying to do. He was just trying to get some sort of negative reaction out of me for his own entertainment, so, I got up out my chair, and basically just cursed and yelled like a sailor in his face.

    Long story short, he never messed with me again after that haha. I assume either his asshole friends dared him to do that, he wanted to just get a cheap laugh, or both. Idk. Either way, that's some of the stuff us non-binary folks deal with sometimes. It seems that society has a long way to go before it accepts non-binary people as a REAL thing. But you know what? At least there are a lot of people out there who already do. :D 
     
  3. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    You see I never understood non binary much like I never understood trans but I never had any ill feeling towards people like that it was just something I personally didn’t understand. As I’ve educated myself more about trans people I understand more and sympathize with them in regards to the things trump is doing in America that affect them and the abuse they face etc. so this is me now trying to learn and understand more about non binary people. Is it rude to say that you can wake up one day feeling like one gender and then feeling like another the next. Or are you one big collective amalgamation of a load of genders? It’s sad to see the abuse people still face, even as a gay guy I feel like if you’re not muscular and lean or attractive no straight guy will accept you. You need to fit the ‘one of the lads’ template to fit in. The world is cruel
     
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  4. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
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    You could ask this question at the Transgender forum. LOL I don't think many of the guys in Gay forum does not know or interested in trans or gender fluid people.

    I'm a Trans guy, so I can explain about Female to Male transgender category. What do you wanna know about us if you do?
     
  5. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    I realized that as soon as I posted it. As for what I want to know I’m not sure just anything educational
     
  6. Tights_and_Skirts

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    I’m gender fluid or something similar and yes you’re correct, sometimes you feel like a girl and other times like a guy. Like sometimes I’ll be totally into lad culture - drinking, fighting, rugby, football and all the rest - but equally I sometimes want to slip on a little red number and some heels and make up and all that goes along with that. My personal experience has been much more guy than anything else, though I think that might be because I haven’t really come out so most expectation is for me to be a guy. I tend to lean toward being feminine on here as I am able to show that side of me without being judged etc. I think a lot of the stigma is that it’s thiught of as ‘not making up your mind’ which I have to say I understand, but that doesn’t make it right. Also I think having endless different labels and categories seems like we are just trying to be different, which I also understand, so I tend not to use labels, though they’re helpful to explain to people what you’re like. However, I think labels only serve to divide people. I don’t want to be thought of as different to ‘normal’ people, I just want it to be acceptable for me to be very masculine sometimes and very feminine othertimes if that make sense.

    Just a little of the stuff I thought might help you understand what we are. Hope it helped!
    Ginny xxx
     
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  7. Yami Bakura
    Worried

    Yami Bakura ♛King of Thieves♛
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    I'm ftm, and can only speak from my experience. I struggle with my sexuality. Would a guy date me when he finds out I'm not cis? That question has been bugging me for awhile now. I'd like to think that there is someone out there that would but that's neither here nor there.

    Being a trans Boi has been experience to say the least. Since starting hormones, I've felt like a teenager, hormones raging, and many changes. I am still pre-op and plan on getting top surgery next year if possible. I bind to present more masculine in public, been wearing a t-shirt with a button up shirt open over it for a layer (hoodies/t-shirts with long sleeved shirts in fall/winter) and cargo shorts helps me feel more masculine. Also wear jeans in the winter. I have one pair that is comfy as hell.

    Coming out was a process and it has taken my family some time to come around, especially my dad. Being misgendered sucks ass but I've gotten more confident in correcting people saying things like, "no it's sir", "it's he actually." Things like that. Being pre-t and being misgendered was hell. Now it is just annoying and I can correct others. It can be difficult depending on the circumstances and situation. But I always feel good asserting myself.

    Dysphoria can be a bitch. Being born in the wrong body can be traumatizing. Used to be worse from.me but being on hormones has helped me feel more comfortable with myself.

    Bathrooms are interesting as well. Needless to say I've been using the men's restroom for awhile. Very affirming. I've also experienced guys talking to me like a guy. That felt good. Anyway, wanna be friends? Maybe you can provide some information on your side? I'm always looking to understand people to better enhance my knowledge and learn.

    Nice to meet ya. You seem like a swell dude. Also your profile picture is spicy if you don't mind my say so. (>ω<)
    anyways what would you like to know?
     
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    #7 Yami Bakura, Jul 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
  8. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    It should be nobody’s business what you want to do or not do, only you can know how you feel and only you get to define that, I think it’s so brave it’s been interesting finding out these things
    --- Double Post Merged, Jul 14, 2018 ---
    What country do you live in? Is it hard to be trans where you live or are people accepting
    --- Double Post Merged, Jul 14, 2018 ---
    Those were two different replies for each of you btw I failed at quoting each of your replies
     
    #8 Gay guy, Jul 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
  9. Tights_and_Skirts

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    Assuming the top one was for me, thank you for saying I’m brave, but I’m not really. I started coming out at school a couple of years ago but I choked it and managed to convince most people it was a rumour. Some of the people who I had been most open with and had supported me since the start snaked me out and told people I wasn’t ready to tell and from there it went round pretty fast. I’d been very careful who I told so that it would only stay between those I wanted to know but at least 2 of the 3 I told at the start let me down and it took a long time to get over that. That was probably my lowest time. But it’s in the past and I try to forget it. Dwelling on the past does no good.
     
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  10. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    Just telling one person is brave enough, you weren’t expecting the secret to get out of your hands that’s not your fault. I still think you’re brave, I think anyone who comes out is brave. Unless you’re Kevin spacey of course
     
  11. Tights_and_Skirts

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    Thank you. It hurt a lot when they betrayed me and I value loyalty more than any other trait so it was a bad time. But I have better friends now who are much more accepting so I guess all’s we’ll tjat ends well.
    Ginny x
     
  12. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    Same loyalty is the one quality every human should have, I’ve learned the hard way but now I’ve got to the point where I can spend a minute in someone’s company and deduce exactly what kind of person they are I’ve become very good at reading people which i suppose is good when it comes to deciding who to put your trust in
     
  13. Edwin: Ed or Winnie
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    Hiya! I’m nonbinary and I guess I can tell you about what that means in my experience.
    First, for responses, you can either click quote at the bottom of a post or type @ username (so, Edwin: Ed or Winnie) and that will let us know when you respond!

    As a nonbinary person, I’ve never felt like a female, but am also not necessarily male. Both groups feel foreign to me, and I’m uncomfortable in gendered scenarios like guys vs girls activities etc.
    I’d say it’s like I’m 80% male and 20% female, presentation-wise, and an ambiguous blend when it comes to behavior. I prefer not having gender factored into how I’m seen as a person, which is near impossible to make happen. If I were to date a guy, I’d want him to not be totally straight (so pan or bi), and I made sure my gf wasn’t exclusively a lesbian (she’s into girls and nonbinary people, just not males).
    I’ve been taken for male many times, and this makes me feel good. I have a female name and I don’t like having it. I want a flat chest and a deeper voice, but likely not a full transition.
    I’m neutral, and that’s what being enby means to me.
    It may change one day, but it’s just a feeling for however you are comfortable presenting. This is what makes me comfy, so I just go along with it and hope I don’t get too much hate.
    If you have more specific questions, I can try to answer. Or if you want to talk, feel free to message me!
    -Eddy.
     
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  14. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
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    Education...it's hard to define. LOL There actually are many variations in trans-something people, and I will explain about people who consider themselves as the opposite sex of their assigned sex and go through some form of transition.

    Many of us feel that something is off, different, not normal since when we were pretty young, as early as 3 years old (I was 9 when i clearly recognized what's wrong, but the uncomfortable feeling, which is called dysphoria, was happening way earlier since around 4 or 5) or even younger while others eventually find out about their inner gender way later, some even in their 70's, and feel extremely uncomfortable to be in their bodies, or stay in their assigned sex. Hating every minutes of the time when they are exposed to the situations that make them conscious of their assigned sex to the point of thinking of suicide. It gets terrible when they hit puberty and they are the member of the largest suicide group among youth.

    Eventually they find out that the only solution is to have hormone replacement therapy + sex change surgery, but not all of them actually go through them. Many stay in their assigned sex and suffer for the rest of their lives. Many marry pretending to be regular people, but they are constantly unhappy and frustrated, and some choose to live as their heart tells and ending up to change their sex later. I've met a transgender who decided to have transition in her 70's when she finally understood what had been bothering her since her teenager days after she had a family with two grown sons, and after she found out she has a terminal illness. Some choose to not have any treatment while choosing to live as a transgender, meaning wearing clothing of opposite sex, changing names, behave as of opposite sex.

    Their sexual preference varies: large percent of them prefer same sex as in male to female (MtF) transgenders preferring female partners and female to male (FtM) preferring male partners since transgenderism has nothing to do with sexual preference.

    Transgenders are the largest target of hate crime as well.

    Wow, my explanation is pretty depressing. LOL
     
  15. Gay guy

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    It’s up to how you feel I suppose, it’s all very enlightening I’ve never heard stuff like this before thanks for sharing
     
  16. Tights_and_Skirts

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    The problem is that everyone has a price. The three I originally trusted, we good to me for a long time. I’m also good at reading people and I don’t trust easily. Unfortunately, they all gave me up for some attention and popularity. I can sympathise with the struggle - unpopularity is a hard load to bare but I can never understand betraying a friend. I have friends I would die for without a second thought, honestly. It’s just sad that some people will sell out a friend for popularity. I live by the motto ‘forgive but never forget’. They threw away my loyalty to them. Perhaps one day they’ll need it back. Anyway, I said I want to put this behind me and I do so no more on the topic, though do feel free to ask any questions you want :) 
    Gin xx
     
  17. Gay guy

    Gay guy Reliable Contributor
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    I suppose as a transgender person, to use an example, you’re not born a woman and then turn into a man, you’re born a man in a woman’s body and then have to go through the change to finally be comfortable in your own skin
    --- Double Post Merged, Jul 14, 2018 ---
    I find it difficult to understand why people wouldn’t be loyal, it’s like when somebody tells me something and then he says ‘but promise you won’t tell anyone please’ and I’m thinking well of course not you don’t even need to ask, it’s not my thing to share. People can be selfish sometimes
     
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    #17 Gay guy, Jul 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
  18. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
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    Hey thanks! It's very refreshing for us to meet an open-minded and sweet guy like you. You made my day, mate! Too many bigots are lurking in the world.

    If you have any question, feel free to ask me or visit transgender forum. We won't bite you up, but they would love to have people from different circle.

    Btw, I hate it when Harry Kane missed the goal today. Uggggr!
     
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  19. Edwin: Ed or Winnie
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    Yup! It’s a very subjective experience, I’d say. It’s super cool you want to learn more :) 
     

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