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Transgender Trans or crossdresser?

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by ThrowAwayName, Mar 26, 2020 at 11:57 AM.  |  Print Topic

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This thread is being watched by 6 users.
  1. ThrowAwayName

    ThrowAwayName Lurker

    +0 / 0 / -0

    I hope all is well with everyone today. I'm new here (and new to all such forums). Please be forgiving if I accidentally break some rule that I am not aware of. I come here with no ill intent or desire to offend anyone.

    I also realize that, by posting this, I'm kind of sort of asking for information that would be better handed out by a therapist. I'm not there yet. I need additional validation before I can sit down and talk about this with another human.

    Since I was very young (late elementary school to early middle school), I've had the desire to dress up as a woman (I'm biologically male). I started off using my sister's old swimsuits and latex gloves filled with water for breasts. I'm now in my mid 30s and am much better at it. I know less is more when applying Hollister adhesive to breastforms. I am pretty good at makeup (eye makeup at least). I can put on a coat of nail polish without getting a bit on my skin. I've done this all in secret for decades, have never been caught and the only ones who "know" are the people I buy supplies from.

    It feels like I'm living a double life and I would like some answers. I'm curious as to whether I am transgender or if I'm simply a transvestite. My understanding of the terms is that a transgender person actually wants to be the opposite gender while a transvestite is someone (often a straight male) who simply has a fetish for wearing women's clothes.

    A bit more about my double life....

    As a male--

    When im going around normally, I am a more or less straight male. I am attracted to women only and enjoy being with women sexually. I have had successful relationships with women that have lasted years.

    Regarding my masculinity... It's a mixed bag. I'm not very effeminate but not really macho either. When I take a woman out on a date, I always pay for her meal except if she insists otherwise. Also, I've been out with girlfriends I've had, someone has started something with them and I immediately stood up for her and started a fight, which I imagine is a pretty male thing to do.

    There are a lot of things about masculinity that are either just not me and kind of rub me the wrong way. I find "Dick waggling" bragging to be incredibly annoying and piggish. When I see a guy trying to pick up a girl at a bar and he starts in with the hokey lines, imagining me doing that always makes my skin crawl.

    Regarding that... I'm not sure if it's relevant to mention, but I've never "picked up" a woman. I've had relationships, but they've all been ones where she came to me OR they've been ones where we were just kind of talking and one thing led to another. I very much prefer partners coming after me, which I guess is a female characteristic. Hell this one time, a girlfriend and I went to a gay bar. At some point I was alone and, during this time, not one but TWO guys asked me to dance. I said "to hell with it... When in Rome". They both gave me their numbers, which I thought was AWESOME. I wasn't interested in getting with them (I had a girl at the time and I was in my male skin after all). It just felt better to be on the receiving end of the sexual advances. I wondered how great my sex life would be if women acted the way these gay guys did.

    As a female--

    as I said before, I understand the difference between transgender and transvestite is that the transgender person is "stuck in the wrong body" and the transvestite just has a fetish.

    I'm not going to lie, there is a sexual element to this, I do get somewhat aroused wearing women's clothes and that I do crossdress "sexier" than most women walking around (e.g. using large breastforms, wearing thong underwear, wearing low cut tops, etc...).

    That being said, I am not sure if it's just something I get off to or if there is something more to it. It definitely used to be more exclusively sexual... Perhaps that's because I was younger and young people can't stop thinking about sex.

    But anyways, I prefer to wear women's clothes almost all of the time... Even when I'm not sitting back and fantasizing. I like wearing them when I'm cooking meals, watching TV, going to sleep, surfing the internet, etc... Basically if I'm in a place where there's no one around to catch me, I'm almost always "dressed up".

    I mentioned earlier that when I'm male, I'm exclusively interested in females. The opposite is true when I'm dressed as a woman. I have no interest in lesbian relationships and, when I do fantasize, it's about men. Perhaps this means I'm really bi but can only deal with the attraction to males when I'm in the "proper attire". I'm not sure if that's the case because my male self literally feels nothing in terms of being attracted to other men. Please understand that I'm here seeking help and am being as honest about this as I can be.

    What does everyone think? Do I sound trans or transvestite? I've never had a conversation with another human being about this before and I appreciate and respect any answers.

    I do intend on changing things depending on the responses I get here. If I'm a transvestite I will probably just keep doing it in secret or maybe try to stop for the right girl.

    If I'm trans, my next step would be to talk to a counselor who specializes in such things

    Thanks in advance and I apologise for the long post!
    #1 ThrowAwayName, Mar 26, 2020 at 11:57 AM
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2020 at 11:58 AM
  2. ThrowAwayName

    ThrowAwayName Lurker

    +0 / 0 / -0
    Also, are we allowed to discuss sex acts on this site? I feel it would be relevant to the conversation. I tried to read the community guidelines but got an error.

    I'm not talking about anything too over-the-top... Basically more risque than church but less raunchy than porn or erotica. If you can read a gender studies article, this probably wouldn't offend.
  3. Carlita

    Carlita Aww. How adorable
    Beloved Member

    Nov 27, 2016
    Original Star Trek USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)
    +806 / 2 / -4
    I've been here for a good amount of years and most people talk about anything over the sun. The pattern I found was it always had some context (for example, if someone asked a question about men's parts, there's always some sort of reason that lets the reader know its not about the content but the person him/herself). Another is many rated-Rish threads that are genuine tend to be long threads and the point usually being less "rated" than the content. The only few things I haven't came across from long time members is dating-talk, giving examples of being with other members, and genuinely making a thread JUST about sex.

    Hope that gave you some context. In my experience, we're pretty lenient and when we know (and trust on first read) that people who create threads are asking honest questions regardless the context, I don't see many people up in arms.

    I haven't read the rules in years.
    #3 Carlita, Mar 26, 2020 at 6:42 PM
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2020 at 6:43 PM
  4. Gravity

    Gravity Greenhorn

    +7 / 0 / -0
    Hey there and welcome to the community!
    I'm glad you decided to come here and talk as I'm sure we can help you :) 

    One common thing amongst most trans people is body dysphoria. You didn't really mention anything about that in your post, do you feel that way?

    A lot of the "masculine traits" you mentioned are just normal people traits I think. It's always nicer to be chased after than having to do the chasing yourself and it's only the sleazy guys who do the rest. Most men don't.

    It seems like you're attracted to living a double life rather than wanting the female one to take over from the male one. Do you enjoy living life as a a male as well as female?

    You said you're not ready to speak face to face with a therapist and I get that, it's scary but there are a few websites where you can ask professionals through a call about your situation.

    I hope some of us can help you out
  5. Foxglove

    Foxglove Traveler
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Mar 12, 2020
    +22 / 0 / -0
    Hi, ThrowAwayName!

    The question you're asking is one lots of people ask: "Am I a crossdresser (not "transvestite") or transgender?" The fact is there's a grey area between the two, and it's not always easy for a given individual to decide. For me the question is, could you see yourself living female 24/7/365? If you can, I think that's a good indication that you're trans. And the only way to know that for sure might be to put it to the test. Try it. But depending on your circumstances, that may not be possible.

    For me, when push came to shove, the question was easy. I knew that I needed to be out full-time.

    Also, I think all the stuff you're mentioning about your sexuality is largely irrelevant. Sexual orientation and gender orientation are two different things. Transgender people come in all sexual orientations.

    Also, you're talking about different personality traits. My feeling there is that such things give little guidance as to whether or not you're trans. It's not often, if ever, that you can say such-and-such trait is female and such-and-such trait is male. You need to bear in mind that not every transperson by any means is obviously trans before they come out. There are huge numbers of people that I myself call "Surprisers". I.e., when they came out, everybody was surprised. Nobody would have guessed beforehand that they were trans. I was a Surpriser myself.

    For me, the real question is, if it were totally in your power to become a person of the opposite gender in all ways, would you make the change? In my mind there's no doubt. Yes, I'd do it. I wouldn't hesitate. That's the question you have to answer for yourself. But as I said before, it's not any easy question for everybody because there is that grey area between crossdressers and transgender people.
  6. Ahyoka

    Ahyoka Greenhorn

    +5 / 0 / -0
    --- Double Post Merged, Mar 28, 2020 at 7:14 AM ---
    I’m sorry. I’m still trying to figure out how the reply’s and such work. I am not very tech savvy
    #6 Ahyoka, Mar 28, 2020 at 7:12 AM
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020 at 7:14 AM

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