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The problem with my dad

Discussion in 'Important life issues other than LGBT' started by Fabi, Dec 28, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Fabi
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    Fabi Great Learner
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    First of all my dad is "only" my step-dad but my biological father never cared about me and my step-dad always did. He is in my life now for 10 1/2 years. (I just turned 11 when he came into my life). He always was the dad I always wanted to have. He did everything for me.

    But since a few years it gets harder and harder to talk with him. Espacially about political stuff.
    At my first concert I wanted a shirt as a memory but they didn´t sell shirts with their logo there. But Shirts with the text "Moin Liebe" which is german for "Hello Love". So I bought one of those. Bc I mean it´s also a beautiful message. When I wore it at home my dad said it is a "nazi shirt" and I should not were it. First I thought he was joking but when I wanted to eat with my family he said that he doesn´t want to eat with me if I wear that. I didn´t see why I should take it off and ate in my room. My mom told him that I wanted to wear it bc of the concert. The fight was kinda over and I never wear it again. That was 3 years ago. And I still don´t know what his problem was.
    There are always some little phrases or things I don´t agree with. He even is one of the people who think that we - the LGBTQ+ community - doesn´t need Prides anymore. Bc "they already have everything". But he doesn´t mind that I go there every year (except this year bc stupid Covid).
    That brings me to the next topic.
    For him everything that has to do with the virus is only a positive thing for the gouverment. I always watch videos of people who say that covid doesn´t exist and laugh about them but at the same time I see my dad turning like those people too.
    Acourding to him climate change is also just a mythos from the gouverment.
    The latest thing that happened was one of the most problematic things for me. If you know Ellen - now Elliot - Page you probably heard about it. He outed himself as transgender. My parents and I have watched The Umbrella Academy together so I went and told them bc I felt like sharing. Bad idea. My mum didn´t understand anything and why "she" should be called he now. And dad only said. "Sad. She was a pretty good actress. But I guess they all go crazy at some point of their career." He knows that I am bisexual. But I don´t think he really believes that anymore.

    I don´t even feel like talking to him anymore. It doesn´t matter what I tell him. He finds a reason why it´s stupid. When my parents start to talk about politics I go away or stop listening. When I ask my mum something and she says "I don´t know that. Ask your dad." (About politics or history) I decide to ask Google instead.

    Sorry for this way to long text about my dad. But I had to write all of this down.
    I just don´t know what to do. My mum is sick. I was scared to actually lose her already more than once. And if she dies one day, I don´t think dad and I will still get along. Not the way it´s going now.
     
  2. Fabi
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    Fabi Great Learner
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    Yes, I feel safe at home. I'm just mad and a bit annoyed. And sad

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  3. Jo A
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    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    I am glad you are safe and it hurts when I parents, if step parents do not accept us.

    Also to have you mother not doing well has it's own pain.

    Please take care of YOU and know that you are a wonderful person.

    Please keep us updated - Jo
     
  4. Fabi
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    Fabi Great Learner
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    I will. Thank you

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  5. Tzap

    Tzap Reliable Advisor
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    I feel for you Fabi and send you comforting hugs.
    The only people I know with the thoughts and ideas your father has are the teenage conspiracy believers my sons know (all late teens/twenty), and some people will never be more understanding than they already are. I did have to have a heated conversation after Elliot was reborn from Ellen (Umbrella Acadamy was one the shows the whole house watched together) and I think I got the correct responses.
    Anyway stay strong, we are only a message away (and don't believe all the answers from google it can be sometimes worse than dad answers) and stay safe ;) 
     
  6. Fabi
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    Fabi Great Learner
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    Thank you for your kind words!
     
  7. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Advisor
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    I know this post is a few weeks old now and some other members have reached out, but I wanted to let you know that I am so terribly sorry with how your parents have acted, especially your father=( Its VERY hard to have parents that don't understand/don't support us, or really ANY family member that doesn't. My extended family doesn't know what I am sexuality-wise, and I know that convo will have to be had one day, even though I am def. not looking forward to it lol. They are a mixture of religious, republican and old fashioned so I DO worry very much about their reactions. Will it stop me from doing what i'm going to do and being who I want to be? No way. NOBODY, I don't care who they are to you should EVER have so much power over you that they prevent you from leading the life you want. Yes it is hard if you love that person and they mean a lot to you, but at the end of the day, it is your life, not theirs. Really loving someone is accepting them for everything they are.
     
  8. Fabi
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    Fabi Great Learner
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    You´re right. Thank you for those words <3
     

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