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The Final Straw: I'm Done #2

Discussion in 'Dealing with Narcissistic People' started by Thief King Bakura, Aug 18, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Thief King Bakura
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    Thief King Bakura ✰Prince of HELL + UwU❀ ❀ ❀ ❀
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    The final straw is cracked, I'm finally fucking done with my toxic mother's bullshit. Yesterday, when I was visiting with my education coordinator, my mother called (her number has been blocked but that doesn't stop her from leaving a voice mail) and left the nastiest ass fucking message. Basically, she said with the cruelest and nastiest tone possible something to the effect of, "I have barely talked to you in three years and you can't even talk to me over the phone! What the fuck is going on with you?!" Again, these aren't her exact words but they might as well been.

    I did feel that initial guilt, anger, and sadness upon hearing her words. It isn't like I want to go NO contact out of revenge, but out of necessity. It's funny how she demands respect, for me to be in contact with her and to talk to her on an almost daily basis. Yet, she fucking tears me down with her nasty words like she did in the message. I deleted the actual recording but even my Education coordinator agreed that deleting said message was the best course of action. I just can't believe how mean my mother actually is, yet she demands respect and love. Funny how that works.

    What I want to tell her is something to the effect of, "You demand me to talk to you, have a relationship with you. Yet, you talk nasty to me and are cruel. This is the reason I have trouble talking to you is that I never know what I'm going to get. I'm sorry but I'm done. I can't handle this anymore. " I know actually telling her something like this wouldn't do any good but this is more for my peace of mind. I have been struggling on and off to go no contact from her for the past three or more years. I kept relapsing, I had that 3 month or more deep depression as a result of her invalidation, gaslighting, manipulations, etc. Well that was part of it. My point is, I am tired of being reduced to that scared ass little kid. I can't keep doing that to myself. It's difficult for me to go no contact because she is my mother, yet she is so cruel to me. It's so fucked up I know.

    I'm sure you are tired of hearing me talk about it. Believe me, I'm tired of giving her nasty ass attention and clout too. I'm just typing this up to get this off my chest. I have to tell somebody and this is the only place I feel safe enough to open up and leave this here. I am saddened, angered, and disappointed by my mother. I love her as fucked as that sounds. She's my mother, yet she is cruel as hell to me and others. For that reason and more, I have to make going no contact a higher priority and stick to it. I'm going to have trouble. And please forgive me for dragging you all down with this. I'm just trying to get this shit off my chest and get a little bit of clarity. Thanks for reading if you did.
     
  2. john1010101
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    No need, as far as I’m concerned, to appologise for your post. Your situation is a very difficult one.
    One question I do have about your post is what is an ‘education coordinator’ and how to they fit into recent events in your life?

    It may also help if if we knew what professional help you can access. Instance, if you’re in the US and have few financial resources it’s very hard to get help unless you contact a local LGBT etc organisation (If there is one!) . If , for instance, you were in Australia or any number of Western European countries you’d have access to free professional councelling/ psychologist. In Australian we can all access 10 annual appointments with a qualified psychologist if referred by a GP.

    In saying that I’m not suggesting you’re the one who needs anything like a ‘cure’. Your mother I suspect is the one who should be in therapy but as long as she continues to harrass you you’ll benefit from learning coping techniques.
    Given what you’ve asserted about your mother’s behavior I suspect avoiding all contact with her at this point in time is your best option. Not an easy path to tread but a lot better than having to cope with her attacks, and that’s what they appear to be.
     
  3. john1010101
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    I’ve been thinking of your situation based in a way on remembering my father. It’s easy for me to tell you to dump your mother as she’s driving you nuts but she is after all your mother and any total disconnection is far from easy to stick with. At age 16 when I told my father I was gay he threw me out of home.
    Somehow I survived and thrived without him but often found myself wondering how he was. something like 30 years after he threw me out he phoned me. After a lot of inconsequential babble from the old man I asked him why he’d finally decided to contact me. Turned out his second wife ( whom I never met) had recently died and he was lonely. To cut a long story short I ended up travelling almost daily across town to nurse him in his last few years. I don’t think I ever fully forgave him for throwing me out of home. Somehow though the fact I’d made a moderate success of my life without him gave me a feeling almost of revenge.
    Sufficient revenge to not actually hate him forever. That may not make sense or relate to your situation but my feeling is the best way to react to your mother's nastiness is to get on with your own life. Easier said than done though.
     
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