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Straight or Asexual?

Discussion in 'Asexual & Grey-Ace' started by nanodayo, Aug 16, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. nanodayo

    nanodayo Greenhorn

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    Hey guys! I know that I’m at least romantically attracted to just guys, but I can’t tell if I’m a heteroromantic asexual or just straight, since the former could easily be mistaken for straight and could end up a huge problem later. I’m only 16, so it’s not like I have a whole lot of experience (none, actually, I haven’t gone on a single date), but I’ve been researching asexuality quite a bit and the definitions seem so vague that it’s hard to tell. I remember I’d get really sudden, sporadic crushes when I was younger (not sexual since I was a kid) that would disappear pretty quickly, and I still get some but much less now. Sorry to bring this gross topic up, but idk if it matters that I masturbate on a daily basis and use lesbian porn (even though I know I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards girls so ???). However, there’s this weird thing where I can only do it clothed since I get queasy thinking about entering myself (I’m actually cringing typing this oof). What’s weird is I do have sexual thoughts while masturbating, but it’s like I flick a switch and I suddenly have no more thoughts like that at all until I masturbate again. I will admit that sex (especially penetration) freaks me out in a queasy, light-headed way (so idk if I’m a randomly traumatised straight person or what), and I’ve never desired it with anyone I’ve talked to in person. I’ve had fantasies while watching porn or thinking of a fictional realm, but when I think of people in real life, it really turns me off (even crushes). What’s also weird is I’ve called guys “hot” on TV and stuff but it was like an observation rather than what I’ve seen online about people actually feeling like that person’s turning them on by saying that. Ok I’ll stop embarrassing myself; please send help
     
  2. capsicled
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    capsicled Dedicative Contributor
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    Hey there, no need to panic!

    I remember going through all the same thoughts at some point - freaking out when I realised I didn't feel the same way as my friends until I realised it's okay to feel this way.

    I hate labels, and they can be fluid. The asexual spectrum is wide, which can also be confusing to some people.

    I consider myself as an Asexual. While I don't feel sexual attraction I do understand why some people find others desirable in that way. Heck, I find people hot and appreciate their beauty - it's just a bit different because I don't really get the idea of "wanting to get into their pants". Even my mind is usually a hella lot kinkier than my sexually attracted friends'.

    Some asexuals are sexually active. We can masturbate and have sex just like any other people, and some of really enjoy it also. Then there are those who can't even imagine having sex or are disgusted by the thought of it. Usually asexuals imagine fantasies where they're not part of the sexual act, or use partners they know cannot be real (fictional chatacters, celebrities..) and yeah some of us watch porn because that's other people doing it, you know?

    To answer you concerns about watching lesbian sex while not probably having any kind of feelings towards females - don't worry about that either. Lots of straight people end up watching gay/lesbian porn at some point of their lives. Maybe it's to satisfy their curiosity or need to try something new.

    Anyway, take a deep breath and explore yourself. Talk to people and compare your experiences to theirs. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask them.

    Remember - you're good just the way you are and if you end up labeling youself an asexual, it's not gonna be a world-ending problem. Trust me! :) 
     
  3. nanodayo

    nanodayo Greenhorn

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    Thank you very much! That clears things up for me quite a bit since I have realized I only have fantasies about other people or me with fictional people and I know what you mean about describing other people as hot; I don’t feel anything behind it, it just feels like a description for that person. Your information in itself has eased my mind quite a bit, so thank you for that :) 
     
  4. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Since you masturbate regularly, it's clear that you do have a healthy sex drive -- but the most likely explanation for why it doesn't draw you to the real people you meet in your real life is sexual anxiety. Your use of lesbian porn suggests either that you find men especially threatening, or that your innate preference is for women. If it's the latter, it probably is the idea of being a lesbian that you find threatening -- a feeling that's easy enough to acquire given lesbianism's long history of social condemnation.

    Try quitting the porn for a while -- it really is a bad habit -- and using your imagination alone to dream up non-threatening lovers. You're probably going to need some actual sexual experience to get past your anxiety, and it would help if you can figure out what kind of person you might trust enough to take the first steps.
     
  5. sun's feeble rays
    Sunshine

    sun's feeble rays Bored Human Being
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    I am the same way and reading this I was kind of relieved as I have always liked guys but my friends have started talking about wanting to have sex and I was still pretty grossed out by it, at first I thought I would mature past it but still I find it weird that people would do it for pleasure- and I have tried masturbation once just to try to understand but I thought it was boring and kind of gross. So even though this wasn't meant for me thanks for clearing this up
     

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