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Lesbian Still in love with my ex but she's dating someone else

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by JPride485, May 21, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. JPride485

    JPride485 Greenhorn

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    Hey guys, so I dated this amazing, beautiful girl a little over a year ago. We were perfect together only issue was our work schedules didn't work well so we rarely got to see each other. With a heavy heart we both decided to end things. The break up was a nasty break up and we ended up just going separate routes. I never could get her off my mind which made dating other girls hard for me. She was just perfect in my eyes and I have never found a girl that I just clicked with like I did her. We just now started talking again and everything is fine. She started flirting with me and I found out she's dating someone right now. She told me she wanted to be friends and I told her yeah of course! She said that she wanted me in her life. Weeks have passed and we are still talking and she is still flirting. I told her the first day we were on speaking terms that I still had feelings for her and she said she did for me too but she was seeing someone. I'm trying to make the friendship work but when I look at her I see a girl that I wanna spend the rest of my life with, she's my soulmate and it kills me seeing her with someone else but I'm trying because I don't want to loose her again. Help! Can anyone relate?
     
  2. ToniLes87

    ToniLes87 Dedicative Contributor
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    It doesn't sound like there is a friendship potential there since both of you still have feelings for each other. How does she feel about the person she's dating? If she's flirting with you then she has to make things clear with that other person. Otherwise she could just be fooling around with both of you. If I were in your shoes I would ask her to stop flirting with me unless she ended her relationship. It's unfair for both you and the other person. Then I would act accordingly
     
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  3. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    To want to hold a person and feel their heart beating with yours filling your soul with such goodness and the desire to explore every part of her body, does not lead to friendship.

    If you both cannot talk this out and figure out what is happening, you both will be hurt and that is sad as for right now you are on good footing.

    I actually had tears as this is not a good thing for either of you and yet you both wish to not let go.

    Toni is wise and I am just old and a romantic but I wish you to protect your heart and soul - Jo
     
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  4. JPride485

    JPride485 Greenhorn

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    She don't talk about her girlfriend, she's only talked to me once about her and all she said was she had a girlfriend and then a few days later said she couldn't talk right then because she was with her girlfriend. I understand the circumstances of it all and I get that it isn't okay for her to be flirting with me when she is dating someone else. I don't want anyone to get hurt but I also don't want to piss her off by telling her to step back some. I don't want to loose her again
     
  5. JPride485

    JPride485 Greenhorn

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    Thank you! I know! I don't want anyone getting hurt but I don't want her getting mad and walking out of my life but if she has a girlfriend it's not fair to her. I've never been a homewrecker and don't plan on it now. I love this girl with all my heart and soul but there's a good chance her current girlfriend could make her happy the rest of her life and I don't want to be the one left to the side like I wasn't nothing. Already seeing her with this girl kills me, so I can only imagine if she chose to spend the rest of her life with her
     
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  6. ToniLes87

    ToniLes87 Dedicative Contributor
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    I'm sorry if I sound a bit blunt but I only want to help so I have to ask you. What is there you don't want to lose? Some distant flirting and "can't talk right now I'm with gf" kind of messages? This will only hurt you, probably you will end up being frustrated and tired of it, and eventually realize what a waste of time it had been. And I don't understand how you could piss her off. You have every right to be treated fairly and be respected.
    --- Double Post Merged, May 21, 2020 ---
    I love how we usually say the same things but you do it with your special poetical way and I'm just...me lol :) 
     
    #6 ToniLes87, May 21, 2020
    Last edited: May 21, 2020
  7. Kahlan

    Kahlan Well-Known Advisor
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    That nostalgic part of our cotton candy mind telling us, "Things were just better with her." We all do this to some degree about one thing or another. As it turns out, reality is often quite different in that as time goes by so do our circumstances, and reality is a harsh reminder that often reveals, "No, things were actually not that good after all. I just forgot all THOSE parts."

    JPride..what sort of advice would you give a girl who showed up on here, distraught over the realization that her girlfriend has been secretly in contact with, and flirting with her ex?

    *edit* I feel like that came off as harsh, for that I'm sorry. It's not that I have no empathy for your situation. I just know there are tons of girls who come on here who are actually in your ex's girlfriends shoes. I guess I am trying to get you to consider that whatever advice you would give that person about her gf, which in this case is the ex you're in love with, is the advice you should be giving yourself too. :)  I hope that clarifies things a bit, and again, sorry for my rather tired and blunt response. Long day of classes.
     
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    #7 Kahlan, May 21, 2020
    Last edited: May 21, 2020
  8. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Reliable Contributor
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    JP, my heart breaks for you, truly=( I'm in a tough situation of my own, with someone I REALLY love and we both want to make things work, but we aren't sure if it will. I do feel like you do though, exactly like you do where there is no way in hell where I want to lose her. I feel like she's the love of my life, I just want to be with her. Currently there's no other person or potential for another person, but I know it would kill me also to see her with someone else=( I also clicked super easy with her and sometimes it feels like we are the same person. I feel like that increases the bond because it IS rare to find that, lets face it. It seems too that you are like me in that you take none of it for granted, you knew what you had with her and you want it back. It IS true though, she can't have it both ways. She can only either be with you or her and if she chooses her, you guys either have to be friends or nothing=( The feelings i'm sure will always be there to some degree, but I also think in time, they may start to lessen if you are friends and stay dedicated to that because eventually, you'll come to terms and accept that. That happened to me with my best friend who I liked for years and years. After a long while, not gonna lie, i did realize that yeah, we couldn't be anything because there were some very big and serious hurtles in our way and she also didn't feel for me that way anymore. Even if she did, I didn't want to make her choose between me and the rest of her life (she's super religious and her family is the figurehead family of the entire church. They def. do not believe in being LGBTQ). We've also been friends for 14 years, I was not ever going to throw that away. But anyway, for starters, I would just ask her do you want to romantically be with me or them? And then from there, decide what to do.
     
    #8 starlightprincess, May 21, 2020
    Last edited: May 21, 2020
  9. JPride485

    JPride485 Greenhorn

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    What I don't want to loose is her period in my life, we talk all day everyday and I don't want to loose that by telling her to back off because she has a girlfriend but I don't want the other girl getting hurt either. It's tough.... I just haven't ever had the connection with anyone else like I do her. I know it's the right thing to tell her to tone down the flirting, I hate confrontation so between that and the feelings I have for her guess that's what has put me in this bind
     
  10. JPride485

    JPride485 Greenhorn

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    Things were actually good with her, there was no fights throughout our relationship the only "bad" part was the break up but yeah I get it, I should just move on even if it is hard. Guess where I'm coming from is I've never had that connection or chemistry like I did with her with anyone else. It's not fair to the girlfriend at all and I know this. I would be upset if I had a girlfriend and she was flirting with a ex secretly, I guess my advice would be to talk it over and come up with a ultimatum that she needs to decide who she wants to be with but she can't be playing with people's feelings like that and decide what is best for yourself. I get that sometimes it don't help talking it over but I always want to give people the benefit of a doubt and give them a chance. I guess the advice I need to give myself is to tell her how I feel and back away before I get hurt and someone else gets hurt. She's not a bad person at all but she needs to figure out what she wants
     
  11. Kahlan

    Kahlan Well-Known Advisor
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    I think you are onto something there. :)  You're not the bad guy here, ok? Maybe there isn't one in your scenario..I guess my thoughts are on the motivations of the parties involved..if they are innocent, vs. diabolical, lol. As Starlightprincess said...(and I love her thoughtful and empathetic posts) there is nothing wrong with desiring to hang onto a friendship that may bring happiness, but we often hide true motives that are a bit more dubious in nature. Your ex is in the position of power here, as she has you both, but she's also taking the greatest risk, and the ramifications could result is a ripple effect of hurt. I really hope things work out for you. :) 
     
  12. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Reliable Contributor
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    JP, I really hope there is some way for you to keep her in your life, I know exactly what that feels like and the desire to more than anything not lose her. I ended up losing my person yesterday, shortly after I made that post and I’ve felt like the shell of a person ever since. Neither one of us ever wanted this for us and I would never want this pain for someone else, you feel SO broken. I knew she was one in a million and I will prob never meet anyone else who meshed with me so well. I hope to god she comes back someday because I am having so much trouble imagining any version of my life going forward without her. If this girl is as wonderful as you say, do whatever you guys can to hold onto each other, even if it’s just a friendship and nothing more and fight for that.
     
  13. Kahlan

    Kahlan Well-Known Advisor
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    I'm very sorry to hear this. I really don't know anything about the situation you were in with her, but clearly you're in the pit of despair right now. It won't always be this way you know, there is a silver lining, it's just not visible yet. I just hope you come to the point where you're looking for it because you deserve to be happy.
     
  14. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Reliable Contributor
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    Thank you so much<3 I might write you later, just because I don't want to make this about me, its about the original poster. But yeah, anyway JP, II hope things improve for you<3
     

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