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Should I Do It?

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by Analisa, Oct 11, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Analisa
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    Analisa Hot Cookie
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    Been a few weeks since I've been on here and I need feedback on my situation......

    At the end of August I gave birth to our first child and a friend of mine from the gym came over to see my baby. We started talking and turns out that she's bisexual and both of us were flirting with each other big time. When she left, my husband started asking what all that was about and I admitted to him that I've always liked women (although I was only with one once) and he got pretty upset as he wish he knew before. To top it off, I'm also a sex addict and have been going for therapy to deal with it. Obviously it was too much for him to handle. However, after our huge fight he actually said he would be okay if I wanted to pursue her and he wouldn't consider it cheating since it wasn't with another guy. I know.....sounds crazy but I really did appreciate him understanding my situation. I did think about it for a while and decided not to go ahead with it as I would have felt bad sleeping with a married woman behind her husband's back. Truth be told, she was very disappointed and although I have seen her at the gym on a regular basis, she is definitely keeping it low key with me.

    Flash forward almost two months later and I have been thinking of hooking up with her. I can't stand it as I'm incredibly attracted to her and want to be with her. I just can't get over the whole 'cheating on her husband' thought but the bad girl in me is telling me 'fuck it, just do it'.

    I don't get turned on by every gorgeous woman out there, but she is different as there's something about her that I want to get to know. Honestly, I'm losing it and I want her badly.

    I appreciate any feedback!
     
  2. Jayme82
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    Jayme82 Addictive Advisor
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    I have a few questions
    Does her husband know she is bi and attracted to you?
    Is she planning on divorcing her husband or is she in a loveless marriage?
    Would her husband possibly be ok with the two of you hooking up if he knew?
    Does she feel that she made a mistake marrying her husband and could possibly be a lesbian?
    the reason i ask this was the case with one of my cousins who believed herself to be bi and thankfully wasn't married to him but cheated on him with only women and realized she in fact was a lesbian
     
  3. Analisa
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    No, he has no idea she is bi and she told me she's cheated on him with other women. She won't divorce him as he's very financially stable and she doesn't have to work.....but it sounds like a loveless marriage. I don't think he would be ok if the two of us hooked up as she's kept this a secret from him. Not sure if she's a lesbian, but I've decided to try and hook up with her. I'll see her at the gym tomorrow and ask if she wants to go grab a coffee and talk. I've pretty much decided that I'm going to pursue her as I can't stop thinking about her.
     
  4. Jayme82
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    Thanks for answering my questions with this new information the bad girl in me agrees with the bad girl in you fuck it and have a hell of a time
     
  5. Analisa
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    Analisa Hot Cookie
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    Thx...I don't want to look back years from now with the 'what if' questions and deny myself to someone that I'm incredibly attracted to. Will provide an update and I'm nervous as shit approaching her today.....
     
  6. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    Hello and welcome.

    My personal opinion;
    It's a terrible idea to hook up with her.

    *You are a new mom..

    *You just came out to your husband..

    *He's not totally ok with it..

    *He's trying to level with you.


    The circumstances are way too complicated.
    You should really focus on your newborn and your husband.. adding a fourth individual to this dynamic is not worth the risk.

    Cancel your membership..
    change gyms ..

    An hour of sex is not worth the complications.
    No judgement or disrespect meant.
     
  7. Analisa
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    Analisa Hot Cookie
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    I appreciate your feedback and it does mean a lot, however, my husband is okay with it and I spoke to him last night and he still feels the same way. I will be seeing her today and as I turned her down weeks ago, who's to say that she won't be receptive to me. I'm curious and I want to see what happens and I'm very confident that this will not affect our marriage. It could only be a one time thing and if not, so be it.
     
  8. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    I hope it works out.
    Thanks for replying.
    Again..
    no judgement or disrespect on my part.
     
  9. Analisa
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    No worries, I do appreciate your take on this as I needed to hear someone else's perspective on this. I've thought this through for weeks now and I'm very confident that this will not affect our marriage.
     
  10. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    I need you to answer this question honestly...
    (I'm not being rude )

    Do you think you are being selfish?

    Are you glorifying and rationalizing an event that could turn out to be a disaster?

    Would you agree it's almost impossible to predict the outcome in a situation like this.

    Let's be honest.
    You are a new mother that just announced to her husband that she likes women..and is about to sleep with one .

    Doesn't this scare you?
     
  11. Analisa
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    Analisa Hot Cookie
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    Yes, it does scare me a bit and maybe I'm being selfish but it's not like I've wanted to sleep with every good looking woman I've met. This would be my second as my first was in Uni when I had a 3some which was years ago. Then there's the sex addict in me that wants this and if my husband wasn't 100% okay with this, I wouldn't be pursuing it.
     
  12. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    I totally understand..and
    i'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.

    It's just..
    I've read posts like yours on other forums.
    The last thing I'd want you to feel is ridiculed and judged by my comments...

    Husbands are never really a hundred percent ok with their wives sleeping with someone else.. (No matter what HE saids)

    My personal opinion.

    *I think you should wait.

    * I think your husband needs to understand more about your sexuality.

    *I think if you are going to hookup.. Do it with someone that you don't see often.
    *Someone that you are Not so much in lust with.
    *Someone that your husband has met and is comfortable with.

    If you are spending so much time entertaining this event.. wheather it's right or wrong ..how it will affect your marriage... etc..


    Definately wait .. or
    it's probably not worth it?
     
  13. Analisa
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    No, no worries at all and I can see where you're coming from. Trust me, I value and appreciate your opinion on this!

    Regarding waiting, I have done that for the last 5-6 weeks and have thought about it.

    You may have a point about my husband understanding my sexuality as I didn't tell him that I was bi until a few weeks ago. Honestly, I never wanted to admit it to myself so coming out an telling him was risky and quite scary. He was fine with it thank god....

    If I were to hook up with her, it wouldn't be every day. But the part I get what you're saying is that I would see her at the gym often and maybe I would or should change gyms.

    Perhaps it's lust. Perhaps it curiosity.....or both. I've known her for about a year and there was always that 'there's something about her I like' on my mind when it came to her.

    He has met her a few times and is comfortable with her.

    Should I wait or is it not worth it? I don't know. I'm confused. I'll see her in a bit and will talk to her and see how it goes. At that point my gut will tell me whether to wait further or forget about it....or pursue it.

    Thanks for your feedback. It's been a bit of a difficult time for me being diagnosed as a sex addict and coming out bi. Besides my husband, no one else knows about this and I appreciate feedback from people like yourself as I'm able to talk about it.

    Thank you!
     
  14. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    You are welcome.
    I'm so happy you understood I wasn't being rude or judgemental.

    It's just.. these things cannot be undone...

    Always here to help.
    Anocxu.
     
  15. Analisa
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    No, I needed to be bitch slapped with another opinion/perspective so thanks...lol

    Anyhow, heading to the gym. I'll let you know what happens.

    Thx again,

    A
     
  16. Jayme82
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    Yes please let me know how things go if you would like to talk to someone I'm always here so send me a message
     

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