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sexuality is so confusing

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by just kinda tired, May 13, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. just kinda tired

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    PLEASE HELP! Ok, basically, I've come here cause I'm in desperate need of some advice, having to do with coming out and knowing what the heck is going on with your sexuality.

    Here's the low down: I've been questioning my sexuality since I was 14. I'm 18 now. My problem is that I just can't quite sort out my feelings; whether they're sexual, romantic, or just platonic in nature. Sex seems weird to me and I'm not sure I've ever really been sexually attracted to anyone. maybe that makes me asexual, but maybe I'm too young (although, at 18, that window might be closing), or maybe I'm just demisexual or whatever and when I meet the right person it'll click. I've had what are probably crushes on girls before, but again because I have so much trouble sorting out sexual/romantic/platonic feelings, and since I've never actually dated anyone ever, I feel like I can't know for sure. I don’t get crushes very often, either. I’ve had maybe 3 in my entire life (2 on girls, one on a guy). Maybe my problem is that I'm socially awkward? I generally find both male and female celebrities to be """"'attractive""""" (but again, I barely know what "attractive" means). If I had to put a label to how I feel right now, it'd probably be something like "asexual and biromantic." But maybe with more dating experience that’ll change.

    Anyway, up until this point, I’ve just been operating on the assumption that I’ll come out when I’m completely sure of my sexuality, maybe after I’ve dated someone finally. But honestly this questioning has been going on for so long that I’m just kinda tired of this shit. I started getting a maybe crush on a girl again recently (this would be my third maybe crush ever). One time my friends and I were hanging out and they started talking about crushes, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk about mine because that would mean, you know, telling someone that I’m probably not straight. The realization has dawned on me that I’m probably going to have to come out to my friends and family at some point here. Practically all of my family and friends are very liberal, and I know they’ll support me, but for some reason the thought still seems terrifying.

    So I guess my questions are:
    Anybody have any genius insights as to what my deal is?
    Is it possible for me to really know my sexuality without ever having dated anyone?
    Should I come out to people before I really know what my deal is?

    If I should come out, I don’t want it to be a whole big deal. So especially due to my weirdness of not knowing exactly what my deal is, how should I tell people without it becoming a whole long-winded explanation? I would so much rather just be able to say something like "I’m bisexual," rather than the whole two paragraphs I’ve just wrote y’all.

    Thanks to anyone who’s taken the time to read all of this crap.
     
    #1 just kinda tired, May 13, 2019
    Last edited: May 13, 2019
  2. noriepA

    noriepA Greenhorn
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    Hey.

    Everyone's story is different, but I can feel like I can relate a lot to what you written here. I am 22 years old guy and have been really questioning my sexuality since I was 20. I tried to put up a bunch of labels on myself, maybe I'm gay, maybe bisexual, maybe pansexual or maybe demisexual, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a straight man, sometimes the opposite. And I really hated that I can't find a fitting label for myself and be done with my questioning. I haven't came out because I don't even know which label to present to others.

    And then I realised - screw those labels. Human psychology far too complex to find a fitting label for everyone. Putting a label on yourself is like allowing yourself to be trapped in some mental state and not letting yourself explore your full potential. I identify as myself and I'm happy with that.

    I think that humans can experience a full spectrum of emotions for everyone and everything. Our limits are unknown. And sexuality is fluid, it can change throughout life many times, depending on person's life experiences and how he chooses to live.

    I still don't know a lot about you, but I advise you to focus less on your sexuality. First you have to be at peace with yourself. Seek changes that would lead you to experience true beauty of life.
     
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  3. mie2527

    mie2527 Lurker

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    i think i feel the same as you, i dont know what i feel for anyone but if actually have had crushes on many girls and in just starting to realize i liked them as more than friends. So if you ever figure it out plz tell me how.
     
  4. xxLovelyxx
    Tired

    xxLovelyxx Just your friendly neighborhood whatever.
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    I was really confused not that long ago too. I can't really give you any genius insight or tell you anything for sure. What I can say, though, is you don't really need to give yourself labels. It might not be for you, though. If you like labels that's fine too. When I started questioning I just decided it was easier to not identify with a sexuality or gender (I'm also genderqueer). Not having labels let me feel a little bit more free. Because of this freedom, I was able to take some time to think about myself and everything. I still don't really like labels, but I'm more sure about who I am and what I like. I also have never been sexually attracted to anyone. And I'm not sure if I'm asexual or demisexual or whatever, but I'm more comfortable because I know that I don't need to have a label for myself. I can just be me.
    I don't know how helpful any of that information was, but I hope it helps.
    Best wishes,
    Jamie
     
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  5. Iwilldance

    Iwilldance I am not throwing away my shot
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    Honestly if sex seems wierd to you i think you are just too young yet. The female brain is not fully developed untill the age of around 21. Just do what you feel is right. If you want to kiss a girl, try to kiss a girl if she wants to. If you dont want that then dont do it. You have time enough ^^ You could also be asexual but that is rare, so wait a bit before deciding to come out with that :) 
     

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