1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Sex as an Expectation?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Being., Oct 5, 2018.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 11 users.
  1. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,283
    Ratings:
    +1,925 / 1 / -13
    I don't how anyone else feels about this.
    And I'm not judging people for wanting sex, we all know what I did... 0.0

    But it seems like in the dating world, especially the gay community, there is an expectation for sex, even if you are "just dating" or an expectation to send nudes or "Put out" in some way

    And it annoys me, I don't like the idea that within the gay community you've basically got to sleep around or no one will even take an interest in you.
    What happened to sex developing as part of a relationship, not maybe a relationship if the sex is good?

    Maybe I'm just old fashioned in this way.
    But I don't want to have to sleep around or become a sex worker in hopes of finding someone.

    And like people on dating apps and sending nudes, like, calm down, your sex organ is not the best thing in the world and certainly Isint how you start a conversation.

    But there's this prevailing idea that you must give these parts of yourself to even be considered .

    :/
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • List
    #1 Being., Oct 5, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2018
  2. Zannan
    Elated

    Zannan Great Learner
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2018
    Messages:
    65
    Ratings:
    +49 / 0 / -1
    Yeah, the expectation seems to stem from the are you really gay thing. I'm okay with sex but, I do want to save myself for marriage, it isn't going to make me any less into men. (Granted I'm more into girls so I would absolutely be more likely to date a girl more than a guy regardless).

    I'm not gay but, there is someone who feels the same way as you. You just have to look harder. I am not saying it easy, it probably isn't but, your search is more narrow. That's all.
     
  3. Thief King Bakura
    Festive

    Thief King Bakura 盗賊王☆バクラ
    Moderator Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Messages:
    1,985
    Location:
    Gary Oak's House
    Ratings:
    +2,407 / 0 / -6
    Wow, you brought up such a valid point here. I think a lot of people any more just expect sex, not everyone but a lot of people. It is really unfortunate if you think about it. I would rather take my time before putting out as it were. I won't send nudes, I will NOT have sex on the first date or maybe even the 5th. I would just rather wait until the person is the right one and we are going to be together for awhile. I'm somewhat old fashioned to in that regard. You're not alone in that area Being. I know that feel.
     
  4. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,283
    Ratings:
    +1,925 / 1 / -13
    I mean. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against sex.
    I just don't think it should be how you get to know someone.
    Which is how a lot of the Gay community seems to use it.
    Like, lets go to coffee and get to know each other.
    If something develops then it does.
    But don't expect me to put out because "hey, I'm a male and your a male so let's fuck" UGH!!!
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 5, 2018 ---
    Yeah, a bit. It's like they are all out there having sex to prove how gay they are to who? A hetero community who will judge or not care anyway? it's rediculous.

    But a lot of what I have encountered is a "We're both guys so let's juts fuck, guys love sex" mentality.
     
    #4 Being., Oct 5, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2018
  5. Thief King Bakura
    Festive

    Thief King Bakura 盗賊王☆バクラ
    Moderator Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Messages:
    1,985
    Location:
    Gary Oak's House
    Ratings:
    +2,407 / 0 / -6
    I'm not against sex either. But yeah, I'd rather go to dinner or grab a coffee and get to know somepony before it gets to that point. I totally agree with you. I think making a connection before sex is vital, otherwise it means nothing and that isn't fun. Right, totally, that is true. I wouldn't expect you to put out, because I wouldn't either. If the person doesn't like it, then that is their problem. There are good people who respect boundaries and will wait, those are the best kind of people. Sure they are unicorns in this day and age but unicorns are worth waiting for.
     
  6. Rachel D.
    Adorable

    Rachel D. Greenhorn
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2018
    Messages:
    23
    Ratings:
    +25 / 0 / -0
    I met this guy and he showed his interest and in talking with me the first time he said how he'd take me out on the town, wine and dine me, etc. And then when I tried to connect with him on a personal level, asking his interests and such, he wanted none of it and just kept talking about gettin' with me; it was then I realized he just wanted to use me as a blow-up doll. I walked; I wanted a relationship, not a fuck-buddy.

    The thing is, if he'd been real, he might've gotten some.

    Don't play their game if you don't want too and maybe you'll find the right person. :) 
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
    #6 Rachel D., Oct 5, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2018
  7. illuminati001
    Depressed

    illuminati001 Cuddles plx
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,110
    Ratings:
    +344 / 0 / -9
    I have no experience but I prefer to keep sex and relationship completely seperate. I will have lots of sex but its like I wont expect that for a long time in a relationship. Idk i feel like its fine if you want to hookup as much as you want but with relationships you need to take it slow and get to know each other. I have standards for both hookups and relationships with hookups ranging from average looking to anything better but relationships i could care less about looks honestly. I just want a loving and loyal person with some certain characteristics. Honestly though there needs to be a dating app that is specifically for dating and is safe.
     
  8. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,283
    Ratings:
    +1,925 / 1 / -13
    Yes please. Then I wont have to put up with cock shots and bate material requests. Ugh.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  9. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,065
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +668 / 0 / -4
    I've given up even looking while I have my health issue, but if I can overcome it, it's important for me to know what kind of book he reads/music/movies he likes, what does he think about today's world, what moral base does he have, what kind of life he had so far etc. before I even consider dating someone. I don't believe love at first sight, it's the biggest bullshit around to me. It can't be love, it's only their own delusion/sexual desire/fantasy. I'd say you will never be able to really know the person until you live with him, and it can completely shatter such delusion into pieces from my experience. LOL To be honest, I used to do one night stands long time ago, and understand the impulse of sex, alcohol, loneliness and pressure, etc. etc., and how hard it is to find his own stance while he is young. We all just have to go through this painful trials and errors, and first find our own pace and rules, then apply them flexibly I guess.
     
    #9 zen, Oct 6, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
  10. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,065
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +668 / 0 / -4
    Also, I wanna add that it could be ourselves who are responsible if we shoo away the guy who might have been the Mr. Right. So, I think it's important to first set some kind of rules/what we really want and such stuffs clearly for ourselves before start looking. The problem is though, where?? LOL Is there really no right place to look? Then how about building one?
     
    #10 zen, Oct 6, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
  11. flyboy15
    Cheeky

    flyboy15 Invisible
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    518
    Location:
    NJ, US
    Ratings:
    +338 / 0 / -0
    I used to fall for it. After I came out, I had this huge need for self valudation. So everytime someone asked for a pic, I would always send....and keep sending. Then there were the hookups. Eventually I realised I was just selling myself out, and was no closer to being happy. I agree, there needs to be a dating app that is actually for dating, lol.

    Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  12. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,283
    Ratings:
    +1,925 / 1 / -13
    This hits me in the feels. Oh God.
     
  13. illuminati001
    Depressed

    illuminati001 Cuddles plx
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,110
    Ratings:
    +344 / 0 / -9
    Youre 100% right with not knowing what we want. Its all hard tbh because in my case i want to like do a leggit interview of things because I dont want to bother wasting my time. Its pointless making that first date romantic when you dont even know each other honestly! As for creating that place, its super simple. We need to have an app with multiple features with the first priority being safety and the second being a rating system of sort that measures them based on maybe successful first conversations. One major plus would be what stays in that app stays there as in a proper contract which means that anyone who screenshots or potentially gives away important information can even be sued! And the app tells the user if someone screenshotted the chat or any image. It would also include that specifically in the rating thingy i mentioned. Like a sin factor and be there forever. I like this idea lol .
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  14. Being.
    No Mood

    Being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,283
    Ratings:
    +1,925 / 1 / -13
    I like the idea too. But liars will still lie on there. And people will still use it for hookups. Ugh.

    *gives up all hopes of finding a man again again again again again*
     
  15. illuminati001
    Depressed

    illuminati001 Cuddles plx
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,110
    Ratings:
    +344 / 0 / -9
    No actually people wont if it is a bother. If they have grindr and other apps for hookups why use that which is potentially only marketed towards people looking for relationships. Besides what i said wasnt even the only thing that would be a feature. I just cant think of that one thing that would just really make it the most suitable. I am thinking of reviews at the end but that potentially means unnecessary bad reviews and then theres the fact that people may end up misusing the whole system so its a bit hard to think of the thing that will wrap it all up. But honestly its like just another app and not that hard to make. The problem is capital and marketing. Thats it.
     
  16. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,065
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +668 / 0 / -4
    How about an app that allows participants to register after answering all of a certain number (30 to 50) of questions, and the list of the answers are the only clues to find matches? If you have a certain matches, only then the access key to each other can be obtained? Participants can adjust how strict the matches should be, similar to when you buy clothing online. A video or two introducing oneself as a requirement to prevent fake pics and identities?
     
    #16 zen, Oct 6, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
  17. illuminati001
    Depressed

    illuminati001 Cuddles plx
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,110
    Ratings:
    +344 / 0 / -9
    A good idea but i am not sure about so many of those questions. Everyone wants to ask different questions and its hard to standardize that. The video introductiom seems amazing. If i ever get rich or popular mark my words i ll make a great dating app lol .
     
  18. zen

    zen Curator, Royal Academy of Inappropriate Handshake
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,065
    Location:
    Osaka
    Ratings:
    +668 / 0 / -4
    It's true that everyone has different questions, so maybe a list of questions to pick from out of relatively many selective options. Maybe meaningful question options instead of mandatory questions, and serious and deep questions in the options will be the integral part of serious relationship app to curb off the unwanted people and shit heads/sex maniacs. lol
     
  19. flyboy15
    Cheeky

    flyboy15 Invisible
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2015
    Messages:
    518
    Location:
    NJ, US
    Ratings:
    +338 / 0 / -0
    It would be great if someone made this happen one day. The internet can be a great tool, and can open so many doors for people that used to be closed....unfortunately with out proper screening and safety features, you are exposed to all kinds of depravity....which is ok if that's what you are looking for, lol. But that turns away a lot of people that could greatly benefit frin online social intetactions....forcing them back into their shells.

    Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
     
  20. illuminati001
    Depressed

    illuminati001 Cuddles plx
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,110
    Ratings:
    +344 / 0 / -9
    I want to share this that rn the safest way to have a hookup is in a known city with a good gay bathhouse. Grindr and the gay bathhouse together works really nicely. Gay bathhouses are safe because there are other people doing the same thing as you and can easily hear you scream. No ones there to hear it normally. Its also pretty sexy lol.
     

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page