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Trigger Warning! Scared of being male

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by MysterIan, Jul 20, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. MysterIan

    MysterIan Open bisexual, closeted transboy

    Jul 20, 2019
    In a girl's body
    +8 / 0 / -0
    Lately there's been a lot and I mean a lot. Of hostility towards males, saying they're all sex addicts, rapists, pigs, and all these horrible things. It's the main reason I'm scared of coming out, I feel like I'm ridding myself of my only defense in this world.

    Ever seen a sexual or domestic abuse shelter for men? No? That's because no one cares about men, they all ran out of funding despite both genders being pretty equal when it comes to experiencing such things.
    I've seen far too many women question the masculinity of any men under 6', even my parents have outwardly criticized men on TV for not being attractive because they're small. I'm only around 5'7" and my height causes me MASSIVE amounts of dysphoria, and I fear it'll never go away.
    And when I'm male, I'll always be the runt of any male friendship circles since I went through a female puberty and am forever cursed with smaller, weaker bones and smaller muscles. I'm forever fragile and there's absolutely nothing I can ever do about it. If my girlfriend is in danger I have no hope of standing a chance at defending her, that, combined with my indefinite infertility means I'll forever be useless as a man. I wish I had killed myself long before I met her so maybe she'd actually find the proper man, and someone as amazing, loving, and beautiful as she is, someone a person like her deserves, someone who could actually give her children that she'd no doubt be an amazing caregiver for.

    I am forever cursed with the scars on my wrists forever showing that I'm emotionally weak, I am forever cursed by the immense amounts of stretchmarks on my thighs and chest, evidence of a feminine figure, forever cursed by the weaker bones and weaker... me as well as a smaller frame, meaning I shall never be truly masculine.
    I feel like being a man will ruin my life. Women are supported and easily empathized with, men are expected to be strong enough to support themselves, but without any of the physical male attributes that allow them to, how am I supposed to do it?
    #1 MysterIan, Jul 20, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2019
  2. Big Poppa

    Big Poppa Tiniest Biceps
    Beloved Member

    Jul 22, 2019
    +25 / 0 / -0
    I am sorry you are in so much pain and discomfort. I wish there could be anything I could say that would ease you. All I can offer is this;

    The world is changing. Every day we are closer to a more accepting world even when all you feel is alone and disgusting. Height, body shape and fat distribution, stretch marks, they're all apart of the genetic lottery. There are millions, if not a billion, of biological males under 6 feet. Curvy, fat, skinny, frail. Guys with eating disorders. Girls with large muscles. Some people think that guys under 6 feet are manlets or whatever. Some people don't. It's not always healthy to base your transition off of societal expectations of what peak male performance is because quite honestly that is impossible.

    Surround yourself with male peers you feel comfortable around. Surround yourself with people who will listen to your troubles and who you trust. Sometimes your brain is just being mean to you, telling you that they all expect you to be a certain way. The only way to break this expectation is to live it.

    You are struggling with similar and the same problems as any other guy (trans or cis) would be. That doesn't make you anything less. If anything, does it not mean you are more of a man than you believe?

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