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Scared and feeling alone

Discussion in 'General (Off Topic)' started by Alice Blue, Aug 1, 2020 at 11:59 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Alice Blue
    Adorable

    Alice Blue Befuddled
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    I haven't been here much, but recently I've been feeling really empty, alone and frightened, so I thought maybe I could find someone here who could say something that would make me feel better. Maybe this isn't the right place. This doesn't have anything to do with who I am or my sexuality or any of the things that this site is all about, but I'm closing in on desperate for some understanding. It's current events that has me so shook up. I can't stand the isolation, but I'm scared to death of catching the coronavirus. I'm also terrified of what Donald Trump is doing. People around me think I'm being an alarmist. They seem to think the virus simply won't affect them and they tease me for wearing a face mask, and especially because I also wear a face shield. I think people around me aren't taking it seriously because no one we know has had it yet, but people all over the world and especially here in the USA are dying by the thousands. I don't need for it to be someone I know for it to feel personal to me, and everytime I have to go out of my house, even with my mask and face shield, I feel like I'm as vulnerable as a bunny in a foxes den, and I just want to cry. But I don't cry because nobody understands and I'd just be made fun of. And people around me are not paying attention to the news. It's like what they don't know can't hurt them, but I'm more afraid of what I don't know than what I do know, and I know that we aren't being told the whole truth. Nobody except Trumps insiders knows the whole truth and I don't think even they do because I feel like Trump is just a stupid, ignorant puppet of Vladimir Putin and we'll soon all be Russian subjects. Again, I just want to cry, but I can't let myself because I'm afraid if I start I won't be able to stop. I'm genuinely afraid of losing my sanity. I'm part of the LGBT community, but I'm afraid to let that show because of how hostile Donald Trump and his supporters are towards all of us, and I'm afraid of what he will do to us if he wins again. And I'm afraid the election is going to be rigged again. I love this country, not for what it is, but for what it was and what it is supposed to be, but I don't know if the founding fathers made it strong enough to withstand this, and the virus is just making all the political stuff worse (and the political stuff is making the pandemic worse). I don't think I'm suicidal, but I do see that as an escape -- a way out. I am religious, but I'm not certain of what the afterlife is really like, and I'm afraid I'd be punished for taking my own life (I learned in Sunday School that it was a sin). I don't really expect that anyone here will be able to help me, but I had to get this off my chest in an environment where I won't just be laughed at. Growing up, I thought all the people I knew were smart, but they aren't acting very smart right now. Maybe I am overreacting, and tell me if you think I am, but I don't think I am. I have a college education and a higher than average IQ, so it seems like I should be able to understand all this, but I can't understand how the people of this country were so stupid as to get us into this situation in the first place, and I really can't understand how so many of them can still support a madman as our president. How can they not see what he is doing to the country. And how can so many of them be ignoring all the science that tells us how we have to react to the coronavirus, if we are to survive it. I'm going to stop this rant now. Don't feel like anyone needs to respond, I'm used to being ignored.
     
  2. john1010101
    Old Hag

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    You’re not alone in the sense many of us feel just as you do. At times I wonder if most of the human race has lost it’s sanity.
    There are times when suicide is the only sane action an individual can take so long as they’ve fully taken into account the pain their departure will cause others. As an old fart with no immediate offspring I can press the off-switch without too much regret. However, having said that I wonder what effect my leaving would have on my closest friends two young gay men with their two sons living at the moment in Hong Kong. So, in some ways being a gay ‘uncle’ keeps me here.

    As to your post being a rant - no way is it anything like a rant. Your thoughts convey one of the sanest and most realistic perspectives I’ve encountered on this forum so I doubt you’ll be ignored. Others may disagree with some of your claims. (I’m thinking of mindless Trump supporters but I suspect we don’t have many haunting this forum).

    As to any feeling you’re alone we know the Covid 19 situation has swamped psychologists and psychiatrists with more clients than they can cope with. If you’re an American citizen having a juvenile, raving lunatic as president can’t help. In fact, even as an Australian, he scares the living daylights out of me. But then again so do so many of todays’ so called leaders. So no, you are in no way overreacting.

    As to Trump winning , yes that’s a horrible idea but if he loses and refuses to leave the Whitehouse and is somehow forced out he’s just as likely to press the red button in a childish hissy fit. On the other hand I doubt he will because I’m convinced his dear friend Mr Putin has for some time promised his boyfriend a pair of Trump towers in both Moscow and St Petersburg as a reward for his faithful services to the Russian nation.
    As that ancient Chinese curse tells us “May you live in interesting time”

    Sorry if all of that hasn’t made you feel any better about the world and the human species but the only way we’ll get out of this mess is to face the truth head on, oh and maybe pray somebody shoots Trump before it’s too late?
     
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    #2 john1010101, Aug 2, 2020 at 12:17 AM
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020 at 12:35 AM
  3. Tears
    Dead

    Tears Curious Explorer
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    We share many fears, even though not about coronavirus but in total i understand you more than good.
    What I can say, don't be affraid of your sexuality. Be proud of it. America isn't Russia, at least not yet. President wouldn't knock to your door or try to push you in prison or so... Simply do it with people you feel comfortable, so you know they alsocwon't judge you.
    About face mask, also be confident about wearing one. Or just ask your friends, did they reserved already funreal date in case they will be affected. Just in case. ;)  Than add facts, how virus spreads and how spreading can be stopped. Few may find it lame. Rest of your friedns should change their behaviour or at least have more respect towards you after that.

    For our main feelings, I unfortunately have no help; otherwise I would most probably already be out of all that :p  But I just wish you, that in your life everything get's better and than you could support also some movements to make rest of the world/states better!

    Stay optimistic!
     
  4. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Alice,

    Long soft hug and a shoulder to lean in on and cry.

    The events are hard to take. The best we can do is make a safe place around us to retreat to.

    The responses before me are sad but right.

    You are not alone though. And this forum is here for support for this as well.

    We are a family and understand.

    One more hug and warm wishes from someone who does care - Jo
     
  5. mr.Nay Nay
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    mr.Nay Nay Addictive Contributor
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    Alice Blue whenever I feel down or somewhat empty I just listen to music, workout, draw or play games. If I feel at unease of what is going on in the world I try to avoid somewhat of the social media but to feel with this pandemic going on I just snuggle with my cat and I feel a lot better even if its tough time.
     
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  6. Alice Blue
    Adorable

    Alice Blue Befuddled
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    Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm a terribly timid and delicate person. My avatar is not me, I'm actually older than most of the people here. When I was younger, I was much stronger. I protested the Vietnam War, protested racial inequality, and was generally outspoken about things I believed in. But as time passed and I watched all the things I had fought for taken back away from us, I wilted and became more and more questioning of whether "we the people" can really do anything to change the course of history. We fought and beat a corrupt government and we made tremendous strides in bring equality to black and brown people, but now we have a terribly corrupt and clearly racist dictator running the country, and things are worse than they were. The LGBT was virtually invisible back then, but later we did gain recognition and civil rights protection, but Trump and his lackeys want to see all that undone. Mike pence even said in a public speech (some time ago) that he thought we should all be taken out and hanged. It seems like everything I did with my life was a total waste. As bad as he was, I'd much rather have Richard Nixon running things than Donald Trump. Nixon was mostly just self centered and greedy, whereas Trump is pure evil. Nixon was a very bad person, but Trump is not a person at all -- he's the Devil in a man's clothing. I risked my life for the cause back in the 70s. I was literally staring down the barrel of a National Guardsman's rifle at the moment the kids were shot and killed on the Kent State campus. Now I feel like all that was a waste. Now, it's not the National Guard, but a secret police force -- a Gestapo that the protesters are fighting against. Does anyone know if any of the people who were hauled away in unmarked vans in Portland have been heard from again? Or did they just disappear. Am I going to be hauled off at some point in the future and just disappear because I'm a transsexual and a lesbian? Some people say I'm exaggerating -- catastrophizing. I hope that's true, but it doesn't seem like it to me. The schools don't teach history anymore -- not like they should, but what Trump is doing is a near carbon copy of the way Hitler rose to being the despotic dictator he was. The only possible saving grace is that Trump is not nearly as smart or cunning as Hitler was, but just as dangerous nonetheless. They don't teach science in schools anymore either -- not like they should. If they did we wouldn't have this ridiculous debate over mask wearing and social distancing. I hope I am just catastrophizing, I really do. Some people tell me I'm just like their grandparents, continually longing for the "Good Old Days." Maybe I am, but the thing is those days were good. No, I'm not being naive -- it wasn't all good. It wasn't good in the South, and the coastal areas of the US were rocky, but the whole of the American Heartland (where I grew up) really was the textbook American ideal. I almost wish I hadn't experienced it. The contrast with today is too great and too sad. We had it. It worked. How (and why) in God's name did we squander it so.
     

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