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Gay Relationship advice? I have no idea what to do...

Discussion in 'Gay' started by thisisnotatest, Jun 29, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. thisisnotatest

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    Hi everyone - I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to do. I went out with a guy back in September, we didn't really see each other again until January and we hung out three or four times between January and February. I asked him out on another date and we went out toward the end of March. We hung out again a couple weeks later, then a couple weeks later. At the end of April, I had a conversation with him asking him if he was interested in continuing to go out. He said that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but that he liked spending time with me. I suggested instead of just parting ways that we keep going out and revisit the conversation in a couple of months. We've been out on three - four more dates since then and we're at the end of June. During our last date, he mentioned that he moved very slowly in relationships, and I was like "good to know. I can be patient." At the end of the date, I said, "hey I appreciated you mentioning that you move slowly, because it helps to know that." His response was "I don't want you to put all your eggs in my basket. I like spending time with you, but I'm trying to figure out how to make room for a relationship in my life." I said, "I get that. Do you want to keep going out?" He paused, and then responded while nodding, "Yes. I do. I just don't want you to feel led on." I said, ok, well, let's keep getting to know each other. I want to keep seeing you, if you are ok with continuing to go out, because I enjoy spending time with you." He again said "I like spending time with you, too. And yes, I want to see you again." There's a lot of nuance missing, and this is too long already, but what is your read? A part of me feels like he's trying to be polite and doesn't really want to go out (although, he's told me and others that he will friendzone people if he's not interested); another part of me thinks that I should be patient and go with the flow. Another part just wants to cut things off now, because if he's this wishy-washy now, I need someone who will show up and show me that they want me instead of waiting for me to ask them out. I like him though, and don't want to cut him out too prematurely. Should I not have brought it up again after 3 - 4 more dates? Thoughts?
     
  2. Tzap

    Tzap Well-Known Contributor
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    Difficult to say what he wants.
    I know I commend you on your patients as I know I would be just see you later.
    There is obviously something there or he wouldn't be dating you and asking you to stuck around until he figures it out.
    But what are you waiting for ? If he decides after 10 more dates he wants a relationship proper, would that make YOUR chace and patients worth it? If after 5 dates he decides NO not what I want your now just friended no more dates, do you feel used and dragged down or "oh well I tried...for nowt" ?
    All I can say is you know this person pretty well? and maybe you can sort of tell if its worth the chase or not, you sit face to face with him, what do his eyes say to you? is he giving bed eyes or looking through you?
    I would do what he asks,"" don't put your eggs in his basket"" he has already warned you of that, and that being said to me would be byebye.
    Hope he comes to terms with himself soon, for your sake, and decides if relationship is for him or not and let's you know.
    Good luck stay safe and be happy ;) 

    I'm a confusing person today, sorry.
     
  3. thisisnotatest

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    Thank you! I think it would be worth it to stick around if something develops. If not, yes it will hurt, but at least I'll know I tried. I'm just worried I may have pushed him away by asking again how he was feeling about going out. I'm just going to scale back and wait another 2-3 months and bring it up again.

     

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