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Please no hate, genuinely interested

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by Alex4447, Jan 8, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Alex4447

    Alex4447 Lurker

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    I am genuinely interested and mean no offence... people feel how they feel.

    Surely the problem is with "gender constructs". I grew up a male, feeling very feminine, playing with barbies etc, with pink, liked the idea of make up. Almost felt like what I assumed a girl would feel like. But I was and always have been male. Why should a male not feel like that? Why is there almost a pressure on males that feel like that to say they are now a different gender?

    I think the main question for me is why do people feel the need to actually say they are(trans/identify as female etc)? Even if I feel the same as a lot of people who do, i am still biologically male and am attracted to woman(i know sexuality is separate, just saying). Even though i sometimes FEEL feminine or "like I am a woman", that's just how I feel and I am still a man, it is ok for men to feel like that.
     
  2. JingleBells

    JingleBells jιngle
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    I agree, All these gender norms and crap and stereotypes bullshit that goes on in the society. But no offense, Why would you care so much about whats others care? You are free to feel whatever you want to feel like, You have needs. They are free to feel whatever they want to feel like, They have their own needs. Everybody is different and thinks and feels differently. The key is acceptance of that fact. When everybody accepts others for what they are and stop fucking with others, There will be peace. Everybody should mind their own business unless someone is forcing you to think and behave in a certain way.
     
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    #2 JingleBells, Jan 8, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2020
  3. eriffire
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    eriffire Reliable Contributor
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    Hi Alex :) 
    You ask a very valid question, and I think it’s good that you clearly want to learn more about Transgender issues.

    The examples you have used there are good examples of how pointless certain gendered products are. As you have observed, playing with barbies and toying with the idea of applying makeup has made you no less of a man. If it made you feel feminine as you did so, well, that’s fantastic and that you felt able to do so without fear of judgment from others is a testament to the security of your masculinity.

    However, these things are not the same as looking in the mirror and seeing the wrong body, wrong body parts, wrong body shape etc. You are clearly in no doubt about your gender, which is brilliant, but unfortunately others aren’t so lucky as to have been born in the body that fits how they feel. I won’t speak too much on the behalf of others though, as I am not Trans.

    Going back over a hundred years, pink used to be considered the colour of choice for boys, while girls were often dressed in blue as it was seen as a daintier colour. I think what you have observed is how the choices one makes when it comes to what clothes to wear, what toys to play with and whether or not to wear makeup really have no bearing on one’s gender, and that is a wonderful and open-minded thing for you to feel.
     
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  4. Alsthom
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    Alsthom Princess Chick Pea
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    One's gender identity is not at all linked to one's tastes, and you are a perfect example of that.
    As eriffire said, being trans isn't about what you like, but about who you are. Just as you know you're a cis guy, we trans people know we are/were not in the right body. Discovering it may take some time, and accepting it is often longer, but it's still there.

    I was born male, and was not at all a 'girly' little boy, I had the 'normal' tastes and all, but I'm still a trans woman.
     
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  5. ConfusedButHappy
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    I had very similar questions when I first came to this site, and I must admit I did not quite understand transgenderism.

    (someone above did explain a part of this too)
    I think the biggest realisation that made me understand a little better was that being trans is less about wanting to be another gender and more about not being comfortable with your own. This discomfort comes in the form of gender dysphoria (and focuses on sometimes extreme discomfort with the persons own body). Transitioning allows a person to deal with their dysphoria in a way that I assume is much more healthy than others (in the same way that the best way to deal with homosexuality is acceptance rather than conversion therapy).

    It's important to note that I am not trans and I have very little contact with trans people IRL, so this is all just my opinion and interpretation.

    My answer would be - Yes, it's 100% okay for men to feel like that and I'd encourage it any day (I've been struggling to accept my femininity for aaaggeess). However, if that man experienced dysphoria they could be trans.
     
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    #5 ConfusedButHappy, Jan 8, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2020
  6. Jessica45
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    Jessica45 Bisexual mtf. Slightly insane
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    I too always appeared to be a regular cis male. I liked all the typical boy things. I still appear that way Part of that may be a disguise, who knows. I just know I feel more like myself when I feel feminine
     
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  7. JingleBells

    JingleBells jιngle
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    The greatest blessing one can ever have is to feel free within their head. Even in a jail cell if you feel free within your head, You'll be chilling and having fun. Even in hell you will be in heaven. So Feel free to feel whatever you wanna feel. Because only You can take that away from yourself, Nobody else can.
     
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  8. Corvus
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    Hi Alex, and welcome to the family. You've gotten some good answers here but I just want to quote 2 small parts of your post

    Probably for the same reason you felt the need to assert that you are, in fact, a man and I don't doubt for a second you'd be doing a lot more of it if everyone treated you as a woman :)  You know who you are and you want others to treat you accordingly. That goes for trans people as well :) 

    As for this

    I agree completely. That is A problem, but not the problem you're conflating it with.

    Is there? At most, men who like pink and nail polish get called gay, not women. And, as other people have already stated, your tastes are not what make you a male or a female. What makes you say you're a male? Your penis? Or is it simply who you are?
     
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  9. Ren the Space Ace

    Ren the Space Ace Dedicative Contributor
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    Just wanted to add that social dysphoria is also a thing in addition to body dysphoria. You would get upset if someone called you "she" "Rose" and made you go to the bathroom with and always be put with just women and no men, right? Because you are a man, right? Well so are trans guys. As a transmasc person myself, I know this is how I feel. I simply am not a girl.

    Similarly with social dysphoria, imagine this for body dysphoria:
    You wake up with these giant sacks of what pretty much feels like fat on your chest. You can't remove them and they are on you 24/7. You feel them all the time even when you sleep. You have narrow shoulders, a small waist and extremely wide hips. You have curvy legs and your dick is gone. In it's place is you now have a vagina from which comes blood for 1-7 days once a month.

    Uncomfortable, right? That's what it's like for me.
     
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  10. evev397

    evev397 Greenhorn
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    I'd like to write something but the words have already been written by others...
    I just wanna comment this:
    It's funny how you're saying that so he (alex) can have an idea of what's dysphoria like, but at the same time that's just what I mostly want in my body (maybe I'd prefer without bleeding regularly, but, if it comes with the package I say it surely worth it), cause, well, I'm trans mtf...
    It's a real shame that mtf and ftm can't just exchange their body parts...
     
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  11. AudryLeigh
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    AudryLeigh TRANSSEXUAL WOMAN!
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    It doesn't come with the package -- nowhere to bleed from. I wish...
    Yeah, wouldn't that be a hoot!

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
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  12. Ren the Space Ace

    Ren the Space Ace Dedicative Contributor
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    I know right?!!!! I would actually just want to trade chest and private parts though because I'm an athlete and would lose what I've worked hard on. But YES I wish. Also, imagine if we lived in the world of Harry Potter and we could take polyjuice potion of the the opposite gender.
     

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