1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

partner says will break if i get hormones

Discussion in 'Important life issues other than LGBT' started by Mariko / Mark, Aug 18, 2020.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
  1. Mariko / Mark
    Talkative

    Mariko / Mark Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2020
    Messages:
    52
    Location:
    United Kingdom, essex
    Ratings:
    +58 / 0 / -0
    i came out to my partner about a month ago but ive know ive not been in the right body for years now and never really wanted to do guy things. so i let her know im non binary and that i wanted to go towards transitioning in a few years to female to feel comfable in my own body and mind.

    {backstory}
    we have been together for 5 years now and all this time she has know me as male and didnt notice me feeling female. and wants to have kids and get married etc. we even currently live at her parents house. i cant drive and have no wehre else to go. she has a lot of mentla health issues and needs moe for daily tasks and has abandonment issues and depression

    but during the discussion she has said to me ad multiple times after that if i went towards hormones that we would not be together cause it would change me from the person she loves into someone else and my personality will change. my question and fear is i love her most in the world but i also would want to go down this road for myself in the future i am stuck and dont know what to do or say or wether to stop it now and leave somehow or continue? but either way i will feel like a complete ******** if i leave her in that state and also feel like i cant be me if i stay? any advice would be helpful
     
  2. Lunea_Rose
    Transparent

    Lunea_Rose Greenhorn
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2020
    Messages:
    11
    Location:
    sɹɐʇs ǝɥʇ uı ǝɹǝɥʍǝɯoS
    Ratings:
    +13 / 0 / -0
    Hey,
    I am so sorry you are going through this. You have the right to be happy. I know it may be hard for her to see that transitioning from male to female will make you happy and can not support your decisions then maybe she isn't the one?
    The question is are you willing to be in a body that you feel lost in? or do you become the person you want to be? I know these decisions are hard and complicated to make, just take your time. Talk to your significant other and see how it goes. She might need some time to understand.
    I hope all goes well, always here for you.
    Hugs and best wishes
    -Lunea Rose x
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  3. Mariko / Mark
    Talkative

    Mariko / Mark Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2020
    Messages:
    52
    Location:
    United Kingdom, essex
    Ratings:
    +58 / 0 / -0
    thankyou for the advice i will try and talk with her and explain it but im pretty sure she doesnt want me to be female by this point i hope it would change in the future but not knowing that is what is scaring me. i want to be me and to feel like myself if it means we cant be together then thats the way it will be i just cant right now as i have no way of leaving safely im also autistic and dont have any funds to fall back on so kinda stuck in a hard place hopefully in the next few months i will be able to figure something out
     
  4. Mariko / Mark
    Talkative

    Mariko / Mark Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2020
    Messages:
    52
    Location:
    United Kingdom, essex
    Ratings:
    +58 / 0 / -0
    i have also worked out from discussion with her that if i decided to go and have surgery to be mtf that is sopmething else that would break us but im so scared of saying this cause no where to go i keep having in my mind of getting a van or something so if we do break i can just live in that until i can find perment solution but thanks to covid and no work i cant even get that cause no money for drivbing lessons and cant buy the van
     
  5. Lunea_Rose
    Transparent

    Lunea_Rose Greenhorn
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2020
    Messages:
    11
    Location:
    sɹɐʇs ǝɥʇ uı ǝɹǝɥʍǝɯoS
    Ratings:
    +13 / 0 / -0
    I am so so deeply sorry that you are going through this. Do you have any family members that you could turn to for support? If you ever want to talk about anything I am here for you. I know you may feel alone now but you aren't. I hope it all turns out okay. Keep on trying. Again, I am here for you, just fling me a text.
    Hugs,
    Lunea Rose x
     
  6. Mariko / Mark
    Talkative

    Mariko / Mark Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2020
    Messages:
    52
    Location:
    United Kingdom, essex
    Ratings:
    +58 / 0 / -0
    unforutnatly all the family close to me are not good charactors and very toxic to be around ill explain ore in a text to you soon thankyou to you and everyone for all replies i look forward to hearing more i hate this sitatuion a lot today is therapy today and i have a long list to talk about with them so will see finding this community has allready helped me feel more comftable with myself the only person in the same contry as me that i can depend on lives 5 hours away car journey and i cant drive or afford to go there
     
  7. Mariko / Mark
    Talkative

    Mariko / Mark Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2020
    Messages:
    52
    Location:
    United Kingdom, essex
    Ratings:
    +58 / 0 / -0
    small update for all i spoke to her about the hormones and possible surgery she currently thinking im looking into this too fast and is kinda ok with it. its changed now to if my personilty changes during the hormones then we will break so im still unsure how to go about this or what to do so for now we are staying togetehr even if its unhealthy i know is bad but due to being stuck not much i can do. im going to concetrate on getting driving and get a large van to convert into a living space so if i need to leave then i have somewhere i can be safe first while i figure stuff out. its not the greatest of situations and i wish it was better but its what i can do for now.
     
  8. Amy-Rose
    Killer

    Amy-Rose Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2020
    Messages:
    57
    Ratings:
    +77 / 0 / -0
    If you feel bad in your body you will grow resentful towards your girlfriend that makes you stay as you are today. Your personality is going to change anyway, either because of resentment or because of what you will be going through during the transition procedure. Your girlfriend's expectation about you not changing is not logical, regardless what choice you
    make.

    That being said, she has a right to have a physical preference towards her partner. If you transition and become a female, it might not click for het on the biological level and she won't want to sleep with you. Also, she wants a family and kids and she does a man for that. Yes, there's adoption, but that costs more money than I believe a girl living with her parents has available. It's easier to find a man for that.

    You didn't say anything about whether you want family and kids.

    If you think you need a female body for staying sane, start the transition. If you are certain it's not some other psychological issue, that is, because detransition from what I heard is a painful process.

    You becoming a female is an uncomfortable position for your girlfriend. One, she has abandonment issues, so she is in for a pain, plus, she will need to look for a new partner if you leave, which is another tiresome process.
    Yet if you stay, you will become more and more resentful day after day, for sacrificing the possibility of becoming a woman, you will grow resentful towards your girlfriend, you will demand more affection from her for that sacrifice and if she won't able to give enough "rewards", you will be bitter and start wanting to cause her pain, either through verbal attacks or even physical. You can't even imagine how resentment changes people. Don't sacrifice what you are not ready to give as a present. Is your body such a thing is up to you to decide.
     
    #8 Amy-Rose, Oct 6, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2020

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page