1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

No self esteem

Discussion in 'Self Esteem/Self Worth' started by Doc, Dec 22, 2019.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Thread Status:
This thread is more than 365 days old.
Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 2 users.
  1. Doc
    Alone

    Doc Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2019
    Messages:
    139
    Location:
    Nebraska
    Ratings:
    +54 / 0 / -0
    So I was working at a place where I felt valued and I was starting to get self-esteem and confidence. I almost thought I was worth something and an important part of a team!

    And then I was stupid enough to go get training to get a better job, leaving that job so I could take the classes/internship(s). Going back to school, for one thing, felt really humiliating because I was so much older and I had a graduate education as it was (I just needed a specific certification)
    And the first (and it was supposed to be only) full-time internship really destroyed what little self-esteem, confidence, and dignity I had left, and it really wasn't much.

    I just don't have any self-esteem left and trying to build it is like trying to pick up water with a slotted spoon. I mean, I have no basis for self-esteem. I'm a failure at everything I wanted to accomplish. I'm a failure career-wise and financially and am ashamed at the amount of education I've had. I'm a failure at building and/or maintaining any sorts of relationships. I don't have a chance at having a partner or family now that the one person who was able to be attracted to me enough has gotten too sick of me as a romantic partner and we can only be "friends" now. And "friends" means no closeness of course. And it's not like he ever acknowledged my gender anyway so it's not like he REALLY knew me.

    And that's all there is. I don't get to really celebrate holidays. I don't get someone to tell how my day went. I don't get someone to experience life with. I'm not completely sure I get to experience life. It's good I have a very good imagination. Ever since I was a kid, I needed to imagine relationships and experiences just so I could experience them in some way.

    I know I was ugly as a kid, but I thought I grew out of it and was okay looking. I can barely attract anyone, let alone someone I'm attracted to so I have to wonder if I ever outgrew it at all. Apparently, I'm ugly inside and out no matter how hard I try to be conscientious, kind, and helpful.

    How much do I have to give before I'm worthy of getting my needs met? How much do I have to compromise myself?

    It's unlikely that I'll ever be in an environment where I can try to grow self-esteem again...if I can ever have any stability at all for that matter. And even if I do, then there's just loneliness to look forward to.
     
  2. Corvus
    Chatty

    Corvus I'm just me ^_^
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2019
    Messages:
    1,600
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Ratings:
    +2,122 / 0 / -1
    My dear friend, there's no kind way to say this so I'll just say it bluntly...stop feeling sorry for yourself. The longer you spend thinking "poor me" the longer you'll remain a failure.
    Sometimes you'll feel like there's just no point in going forward and sometimes life just plain sucks, and that's when you get up, tell depression to go fuck itself and you keep on walking.

    Focus on one thing in your life that you're not happy about, anything at all, even if it's an extremely unimportant petty annoyance, and fix it. Not perfectly, not thoroughly, but quickly. Get it done. Then pat yourself on the back for a job (well) done, realise that now your to-do list is one item shorter, choose the next smallest item on the list and again, get it done.

    That's how you build from rock bottom. I don't feel sorry for you because I have faith in you. You can do it!
     
  3. Bornunderabadsign
    Balanced

    Bornunderabadsign Enby on the loose!
    Moderator Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2017
    Messages:
    1,995
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    Ratings:
    +2,725 / 0 / -1
    Work especially work where you aren't used to your full potential will do that to you. Where just because some idiot who knows the system can shine and make a much more intellectual person without the knowledge base look like a dunce. Best bet on that front is to learn what you need and then find a better situation.

    I know you feel like crap But try not to get caught up in that kind of negative thinking. I know it is tough but take everything in small steps and try to improve from there. You are worth something. Don't forget that.
     
  4. Doc
    Alone

    Doc Addictive Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2019
    Messages:
    139
    Location:
    Nebraska
    Ratings:
    +54 / 0 / -0
    Sorry, I shouldn’t have posted this. I’m not sure what I needed (I guess to be heard?), but this isn’t it. This backfired as it often does.

    The first thing I need to learn is how to resist the urge to share. Sit. Listen. Don’t speak. Stay in character.
     
  5. JingleBells

    JingleBells jιngle
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2019
    Messages:
    284
    Ratings:
    +221 / 0 / -1
    #5 JingleBells, Jan 15, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2020

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Thread Status:
This thread is more than 365 days old.

Share This Page