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Bisexual Newbie bi in long term hetero relationship

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by Hg2020, Jul 30, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Hg2020

    Hg2020 Lurker

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    I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m in a long term 3 years relationship with a guy, but I recently came out to him as bisexual. He was okay about it but was still quite jealous and asked if I wanted to still be with him because he was not open to the idea of me being with anyone else male/female.

    I have never been with a woman before and since I came out I can’t stop thinking about being with a woman.

    I love my partner and see myself spending my life with him but I can’t imagine not exploring this side of me and know it will always hang over me in our relationship. Anyone been in this situation before? Really need some advice
     
  2. BiBearSSNV
    Caffeine Fix

    BiBearSSNV Daddy Bear
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    Believe me, you are NOT alone! I have been married 25 years to a woman. I love her dearly, but I also crave and have craved sex with another guy.

    I have not come out to her mainly because I think it would hurt her deeply, especially after 25 years. We have a son, that I have come out to. I came out to him to help him with his struggles about his sexuality. He is only a couple of years younger than you are.

    Advice is just that, it's advice, so listen, but use your heart and mind to figure what is best for you. I think for the long haul, love is imperative, as is a mutual respect and friendship.

    That being said, that itch that cannot be scratched is tough and it is not anything new, regardless of your orientation. There is always going to be temptation, whether you are straight, gay, bi, or add your own orientation or lack thereof here. You choose a partner and want to be with them the rest of your life, you need to figure out what if any itches can be scratched without destroying the one you love or yourself.

    That being said, I will probably be sharing more of my issues of being married in a sexless relationship because of disability of a spouse physically and emotionally in a later Post.

    Know this though, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Especially when it comes to being bisexual. Peace be with you.
     
    #2 BiBearSSNV, Jul 30, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2020
  3. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Dedicative Advisor
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    Hmmm, that's a hard one..I hope this doesn't come off as offensive because i am really not trying to be, but the first thought that came to mind for me is maybe your boyfriend isn't the one if you feel you will regret not getting to be with a woman in your life at any point if you were to stay with him. If he was the one, you wouldn't feel the need to be with anyone else, you know? I guess another thing could be if he IS the one, maybe he isn't just yet. Maybe you need more right now than he can give, but if you were to return to each other at some point in your futures, it would be the right time (although that's a tall offer because life doesn't usually go that way, but anything is possible if its meant to be). Maybe give it some time and see how you feel before doing anything or saying anything more. It could be its constantly on your mind because you just came out, but in time you'd feel okay. If it becomes unbearable, I would say you probably need to break up with him if he isn't comfortable having you experiment while still with him, which is also valid.
     

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