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Nonbinary New territory

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by LouisBlue, Oct 9, 2019 at 7:15 AM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. LouisBlue
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    LouisBlue Hot Cookie
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    Soo...
    I am kinda nervous, I don't know what to say really.
    I have struggled all my life, with my mind, my body, my identity, my sexuality.
    At 18 I got diagnosed with autism, and that cleared some things up for me. But I still struggled with the things that I couldn't explain.

    Recentely I have discovered through talking with people and thinking back on past memories that I have struggled with my gender all my life. When I was a little kid, I never understood why things changed as I grew up, based on my gender. I didn't see myself as female or male, so I didn't get why I couldn't play with boys anymore from a certain age, or why we had to be seperated during certain activities (one reason for this is that I am emotionally younger than my actual age, due to my autism)
    I never understood why I had to dress more feminine or even care about looking a certain way. I preferred to wear baggy and more masculine clothing. Pretty much anything that felt good, no matter the way it looked.
    Yes, I have certain interests and preferences that are stereotypical female, but I don't identify as such.

    I have been told that I don't dress good enough, don't act the right way, don't talk the way I should be talking. But who decides what "the right way" actually is?

    Since three weeks I live on my own now, which has helped me mentally, a lot. Today, I received my first binder in the mail. I have it on now and I feel...free. More so than I have felt in a looooong time.

    I guess, to make a very long story short, I am still in the beginning of my gender identity journey, and I could use some...people that maybe go through or are going through something similar? To exchange experiences, feelings, tips maybe?

    I don't want anyone to feel obligated to answer. Only answer if you want to and feel up for it.
    Thanks for reading this.
     
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  2. Jessica45
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    Jessica45 Bisexual genderfluid slightly insane
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    I am going through something similar. I’ve been identifying as genderfluid here, and going by the name Jessica. Outwardly I’m a stereotypical man but I’ve always felt something was off. I thought it was just being bisexual but I believe it is more. I still feel comfortable as a man but increasingly want to be a woman. I’ve even asked yo be treated as one here. I wear women’s underwear and dress when I can but this site is my only real outlet. I sympathize and wish the best for you
     
  3. Alsthom
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    Alsthom Princess Chick Pea
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    You, and only you. But a lot of people are stuck to their norms, and feel entitled to tell you that you should fit the said norms. It must be even harder with autism, as people probably have the thought that you are a bit dumb or slow to understand (based on the way you write, I don't think you are; but common knowledge... ugh).

    What kind of tips are you looking for? I'm going the other way (MtF), so I may not be able to help much, but I'd be happy if I could do anything to help.
     
  4. LouisBlue
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    LouisBlue Hot Cookie
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    What kind of tips are you looking for? I'm going the other way (MtF), so I may not be able to help much, but I'd be happy if I could do anything to help.[/QUOTE]

    I guess I'm looking for more ways to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I was born female, but typical female things like clothing, shoes etc. Make me uncomfortable. I think I'm just leaning more towards masculine stuff, without actually felling like I'm a man.
    It's just real confusing being so in between. If I could choose, I just wouldn't have a gender and be living in my own gender less bubble.
    I don't feel comfortable with going either way completely.
     
  5. Alsthom
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    Alsthom Princess Chick Pea
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    It sounds like you would be agender or non-binary, but you don't even have to pick a label if you don't want to.

    To feel better, just go with whatever feels good, try new things, you'll discover more that way.
     
  6. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Whatsername
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    I've been going through this as well. I have learned to become comfortable as a non-binary person, even though I usually present as feminine.
     
  7. Claire15
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    Claire15 Well-Known Contributor
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    Why cant you?
    Who/what you worried about..
    Wear whatever you like..?
    Without worrying about labels..
    If you feel like wearing boy clothes one day, do it
    If you feel like wearing girls clothes next day, cool
    Or anything in between i mean
    Why worry about labels, do whatever you feel like doing, Feel whatever you feel like feeling, its your life.. in the end. how you feel within is all that matters..
    You should feel free to feel whatever you feeel within..
    Atleast that much everyhuman being deserves
    You don't have to look for others acceptance ..
     
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  8. LouisBlue
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    LouisBlue Hot Cookie
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    I'm worried about my family. I love them, but they aren't as open minded as all of you are. And I don't want to lose them.
     
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  9. Odyssey

    Odyssey Greenhorn

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    Hi! I am also autistic and am going through a similar process. We seem to both be at the start of something new.

    I was born as a male but for a long time had felt I wanted to be female. I recently told my partner how I feel, and then told my family and a friend. It is decided that separation for my partner and I is best for the both of us, so now I will be working to figure out who I am. I plan to start presenting as female, but there are details to work out first.

    What I've been doing to explore what I want or like is to embrace things typical of the opposite gender. I don't want to make a cliche of females, just explore what makes me feel good or comfortable. I've picked out clothes I like, I've removed body hair, and painted my nails various colors. I like the hair being gone and seeing my nails painted feels good. I don't have any womens clothing yet. I'm looking forward to trying jewelry and having my ears pierced.

    My goal is just to blend in, to appear like any other woman, but I don't know yet if that is what is right for me. It feels like something I've always wanted but I have to try it first! Had I lived on my own like you, I would have done this a long time ago. Instead, I tried forcing my life living as male, a role that I've distanced myself from in thought and language a long time ago, thinking that some day it would make sense.

    Feel free to message me if have any questions for me.

    I hope this helps!
     

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