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New here getting some stuff off my chest

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Chrismen, Jun 13, 2018 at 10:56 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Chrismen

    Chrismen Lurker

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    hey everyone, my names Chris. I’m 25 but I’m not out, I will be 26 in a few days and I’m still living with this secret that keeps getting harder and harder to live with. I think I found this place because I needed a place i could vent cause I feel like I’m going insane and maybe someone on here could understand what I’m going through or went through the same thing. I didn’t fully accept myself until about 3 years ago, until then living with this secret wasn’t that bad but once I accepted myself it’s all I think about everyday. Although I can’t come out because I know my family wouldn’t understand and I couldn’t do that to them. To them I am this perfect guy who is the golden boy of the family but if they knew the real me I know everything would change and I’d be the biggest disappointment.
    I told my self 25 would be the year I come out, but I have 6 days left and I don’t see that happening. It can’t happen. I’m living a lie and I don’t know how to get out of it.
     
  2. Thickk
    Badass

    Thickk Hot Cookie

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    Sometimes you don't have to tell your family...especially if it will involve you losing your place to stay and/or a domestic violence situation could be expected. Have you told any friends? I'm more of a secretive person so I didn't tell anyone about my sexual orientation. I just sorta let them figure it out on their own.
     
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  3. Chrismen

    Chrismen Lurker

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    No, I don’t think they would understand either. There’s nobody I can tell.
     
  4. Thickk
    Badass

    Thickk Hot Cookie

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    If they're your true friends then they'll understand, and even if they don't they will still accept you for who you are. If you're scared they won't be your friend anymore then you need new friends, anyway.
     
  5. ethan ellison

    ethan ellison Greenhorn

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    yeah they will understand everything if you judt told them if you loved tem
     
  6. liamthomas891
    Fine

    liamthomas891 Hivesark
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    I see where you're coming from. When it comes to your friends, I stand with Greenhorn. It's difficult to accept, but if your friends don't accept you for who you are, they aren't real friends. As for your family, I suggest you just come out to them. It's really hard to predict how people will react, and you never know what will happen. They might just accept your sexuality after all. You don't have to follow my advice if you don't feel comfortable doing it, but I'd say it's worth a shot.
     
  7. CitizenErased
    Beer Lover

    CitizenErased I'm a slave to your games
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    If it doesn't feel like the right time then there's no need to rush it. I'm in a similarish position. I've just turned 29 and I accepted who I was a few years ago. I think 100% of the people that I care about would be completely alright with it. I've dropped subtle hints before where my best friends and my parents have said 'Are you gay? it's OK if you are you know?' and even though I technically don't give them a straight up answer, (I normally deflect with another question etc), I'm pretty much sure they all have their major suspicions, that, and the complete lack of girlfriends over the years!

    I suppose it should come easy to me to come out knowing I'd have the support but I still don't feel ready to come and say it out loud. I've come to accept that too.

    The point is one day you will know when the time is right, and it will happen.
     
  8. AliceR
    Zorro

    AliceR Real Bisexual Unicorn
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    Your family doesn't need to know.
    We never know everything about the people around us. Everyone has secrets. ;-)

    However, you are a good person just the way you are whether you are gay or not.
    It is not fair of your family to expect you to be perfect. No one is perfect, and that's a burden that would be heavy to carry for anyone. Also, being gay does not in any way affect one's perfection. It's not a flaw or a defect. It's just part of who we are like how enjoying a certain type of ice cream is not a flaw, it's just our tastes.

    Your family's happiness should be their own and not rest on you alone.

    Whether you tell them or not, do not feel guilty for who you are. Once again, you have done nothing wrong. Being gay does not hurt your family in any way. Being gay does not affect their happiness in any way. Being gay does not make you any less perfect.
    If they think it does, they are wrong.
    If a parent thinks having a gay son is reason enough to be miserable, then they are a spoiled parent who doesn't know what it's like to have a child who is real trouble!
    Remember: Being gay is not a flaw, it's just a taste. No one has the same tastes, and that's great because otherwise the world would be awfully boring.

    It sounds like your parents truly love you, though. They might be a lot more accepting than you might think.
    Do they have a bad opinion of LGBT people?
    If yes, then start there. Look for argument to change their views. You can also give clues without really coming out like talk about a movie you saw with LGBT people in it and discuss what you thought of it or talk about a famous person who's gay and what you think of that... They can also figure it out by themselves...
    If they are open to LGBT people, then I am sure you can slowly and safely let them know about you.

    Hugs and best of luck to you. :) 
     
  9. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Golden boy? Nobody should feel obligated to satisfy the expectations of others, most notably when those others are one's parents. Just because various persons in ;your family are screw-ups doesn't mean you have to break the pattern. Anyway, you're not a screw-up -- you're just gay -- and that really shouldn't affect your status as the Golden Child. Tell your parents -- and if it disappoints them, too bad. Maybe they'll stop asking you when you're going to get "serious" about a girl.

    The longer you stay in the closet, the harder it will be when, eventually, you decide you have to live your own life. Tell your family ASAP, and move on from there.
     
  10. Being.
    Sarcastic

    Being. "Everywhere I roam is home"
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    I've been out for years and they don't stop asking me that xD
     
  11. AliceR
    Zorro

    AliceR Real Bisexual Unicorn
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    Your reply is also helpful for me. Thank you. :) 
     

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