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New here, 2-yr-old says they are a boy

Discussion in 'For Parents or Guardians of LGBT+ Children' started by lady_sunshine, May 4, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. lady_sunshine

    lady_sunshine Lurker

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    Hey, there!
    I assumed my 2 1/2 year old would be too young to ponder these things, but I guess that is why they say what they say about making assumptions. :-D

    So, Maya Luna was born female. She/they love to feel pretty in dresses (every day, all day. Dresses.), but on a daily basis, she will consistently engage in pretend play whereas she is a boy. For several months now, throughout every day, Maya insists she is a boy and has numerous names for herself which she picked up from other kids (Noah, Jason, Dylan, etc.). Of course, I imagine this kind of thing may be something which just requires time to see where it goes. Maybe it is just explorative, pretend play; or maybe not. Her dad and I intend to follow her lead, watch, and listen to her queues as she grows. We want her to be happy with whomever she/he/they is/are, whatever name she wishes to go by, and happy in her body.
    (Important note: Maya is no average toddler. She is highly articulate and can communicate herself the same as a child twice her age. She knows what she's saying, it isn't confusion or baby talk. She's quite advanced.)

    Questions for the LGBT community:
    What things can we be doing and saying for/to Maya as she grows to encourage her to be herself in whichever way comes natural, and encourage her mental/physical growth and development?
    What kinds of things should be avoided which commonsense may not cover?
    If the time ever comes when Maya does continue with this, and it becomes apparent it isn't simple pretend play, what suggestions do you have regarding family support? Both our families are mostly estranged anyway, from our earlier years in political activism, but the family that is left should be supportive.

    It may be too early for any of this, but what better way to encourage a growing mind to be themselves than from toddlerhood. Just need the right tools in our parenting tool belts.
    Thanks so much for your time, and opinions!
    So much love.

    -Nikki
    Mom of 3
     
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  2. Funk Pirate
    Horny

    Funk Pirate The poly, naughty bi-trans futa ^^ happy to chat
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    Hi Nikki :) 

    I guess as things are still early getting as much information is the start, which you are doing by coming here ^^

    You are doing so much right by what you are saying. Making sure that you will adapt along with your child is great.

    The do's are to make sure you are supportive and it sounds like you already are and are great parents for it. Keeping it positive and letting her/him know that what she/he chooses is her/his choice and that you will always be there for her/him, keep things open and communicate. It seems you already know/do this so just keep being you ^^

    It may be an idea to speak with your family Dr ahead of her/him growing up to stratagies any plans that may happen in the future, ofc things arranged could change depending if any changes are wanted or to tailor the plan as she/he needs.

    Also let her/him know that other people are out here too ^^, just incase she/he is worried about things and she/he may not want to worry you both, to allow her/his own thinkings. Perhaps also find out about other LGBTQ+ groups etc in your area, to give her/him places to go/join to feel accepted into the community.

    I hope this all help a little, it sounds you have a very good grasp of everything already :)  and remember that knowledge is power :) 

    ~Fiona.
     
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  3. Redmommy4052

    Redmommy4052 Curious Explorer
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    Hi,
    I had a similar situation. My daughter insisted her genitals were broken when she was about two. At this time she still bathed with her brother. Should would point to him and say that she wanted what he had. I still don't know who she is going to grow up to be. She still refers to herself as "not one of those girly type girls". I'd to say reassure him/her if he/she says things like my daughter did about being broken. Our children have more choices these days than being a boy or girl. Finally, we are beginning to acknowledge that most things are a spectrum and not simply two boxes to fit in.
     
  4. angel70
    Supportive

    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Right now, you're doing exactly the right thing -- just going along, and being loving and affirming no matter how she's expressing herself. She may be trans, or genderfluid, or just trying on different roles as a way of learning how the world works, and how she fits into it.

    You and your husband (and every other couple as well!) should do your best to keep the traditional sex role behaviors out of your relationship. It's hard, even for the most "woke" among us: like it or not, the broader culture affects us all. You want to raise a child who believes that anybody can do anything, regardless of sex. Hopefully, the teachers at her preschool think the same way.

    If it's not suppressed, natural gender usually is pretty clear by the time a child is four or so. If you turn out to need them, some excellent support networks for parents of trans kids have been forming over the past ten years or so. In the meanwhile, just love her and enjoy her!

    Also, here's a great bedtime story:
    https://waylandbrown.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/x-story.pdf
     
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    #4 angel70, May 4, 2019
    Last edited: May 4, 2019
  5. lady_sunshine

    lady_sunshine Lurker

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    Thank you, Fiona! Speaking with the family doctor at some point in the future wasn't even something I had considered yet, but this is precisely why I wanted to run it by all of you! Good info for sure. We have some LGBT friends out here, and also searching out some local groups would for sure be a good idea. Even if this IS just a passing thing for my toddler, we still want to encourage our kids to have healthy interactions with everyone they possibly can while they're young, and formulating ideas about the world around them. Fostering environments where they have opportunities to make friends with all kinds of people is important to us.

    Much love to you, and thank you! <3
    --- Double Post Merged, May 8, 2019 ---
    Thank you for sharing this with me! I don't think of it so much as a "choice", but it does take guts and some peer support to successfully embrace oneself for whomever they truly are when so many people in society go through life sickeningly ignorant, and unwilling to invite any change upon themselves. Empowering our children from day 1 is imperative. It is extremely refreshing to find other parents who seem to have a healthy awareness. We are essentially raising the future. It is an important job to get right! <3
     
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    #5 lady_sunshine, May 8, 2019
    Last edited: May 8, 2019
  6. lady_sunshine

    lady_sunshine Lurker

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    You are so right about how hard it can be sometimes to keep traditional sex role behaviors out of a relationship. My partner and I actually met as social/political activists and had so many amazing people and opportunities to learn and grow from. Even still, now that we had to take a step back from all that (me being home much of the time with our youngest kids, and him working a 9-5 to support the family), societal norms take hold in many situations we observe together. It takes one of us suddenly recognizing it and addressing it so that it doesn't bleed over into the learning our little sponges are engaged in all the time. With me being a breastfeeding mom, parts of our lives just are what they are for now. We do introduce the kids to a wide array of things, and belief systems. Even simple things, like putting on women's boxing while we all sit down for dinner. Whenever something comes to mind, we try, but it does take constantly reminding each other to break out of some of the societal norms/rituals.

    That story looks amazing! I skimmed the first page, and will absolutely share it with the family. So much appreciation here for you, and the others taking the time to give me your input. Thank you.
     
  7. Funk Pirate
    Horny

    Funk Pirate The poly, naughty bi-trans futa ^^ happy to chat
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    Your most welcome ^^

    I wish you all the best for you and your family. You and your family seem super amazing and progressive in a this back water world we live. Keep being the people you are :) 

    ~Fiona.
     
  8. Thief King Bakura
    Balanced

    Thief King Bakura Bakura of the Rebellion.
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    Sounds like you really have a grasp on being a supportive parent. They say that children as young as 2 do feel like they are born in the wrong body. I always felt this way, although I didn't know what the word "transgender" really meant until a few years ago to be honest.I grew up kind of sheltered, not in an overly religious household but still very isolated and sheltered to a point.

    I'm ftm (female2male) transsexual man. But I am a man nonetheless. I knew that something was different about me when I was younger. Although I wasn't a toddler when I realized I was different than the other girls around me, the first time I can remember feeling like I wasn't in the right body. It was when I was going through puberty, probably 2nd-3rd grade when the tumors on my chest developed. I remember wanting them to desperately go away. I remember looking at a picture of guy characters and wanting to be like them. I didn't know that I was trans at all, again didn't have the context for it at all.

    I only discovered myself a few years ago, or had the freedom to finally figure out who I was. I tried being feminine as possible, trying to be a woman but I was lying to myself; I'm not a woman, I was a man that happened to be trapped in the body of a woman. And please don't ask if I'm going to have "the surgery." I am planning on having at least one, the one to remove my breasts cuz again, they don't belong. They're the body parts I really don't like most and can't really deal with. Since taking hormones (testosterone) I have learned to tolarate them for the time being. Again, sorry if this is tmi but it is important to the overall point I'm trying to make.

    I wasn't lucky enough to have supportive parents growing up. If it's something that your child needs, it's definitely a supportive family unit and you're a good start with that. I wished my own mother was as open and supportive as yourself. Let your child grow and discover themselves. They could be trans, it's a strong possibility to say the least. Again, you're already doing the right things. Being there for your kid is the best thing you can do right now. Also, nobody is ever too young or too old to realize who they are, be they trans or cis.

    My suggestion is just let your child know how loved they are. I have a feeling you're doing that already. This kid is so lucky to have a mom like you. Keep doing what you're doing. You have a good handle on this. I would recommend doing some research and educating yourself on trans issues just in case if you haven't already.

    Anyways, hope this helps with more insight. You're doing the right things..keep up the good work. You're already well ahead of the game.
     
  9. Guarani
    Happy

    Guarani Addictive Contributor
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    Well, you can start by explaining that you don´t have to be a boy or a girl, you can be both or neither as well. In the first place, you child is a kid.
    Give your child the freedom to express themselves in whatever way feels good.

    Things aren´t for boys or for girls, they are for kids. Clothes aren´t for boys or girls , they are kids clothes. We don´t need to complicate things by thinking cerian things can or can´t be done or worn by a certain gender. If you child grows up in a more gender neutral way it shouldn´t feel as much imprisoned in the "wrong body" unless there are issues about the genitals.
     
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  10. AudryLeigh
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    AudryLeigh Proud tGirl
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    You sound like excellent parents -- I wish all parents thought like you do. You are right about this not being a choice. I consider it (as do some insurance companies now) to be a birth defect. Something causes transexuals to be born with the wrong genitals, which is why it can become so traumatic for people who aren't allowed, or for some reason aren't able to undergo hormone therapy. I know a 13 year old girl who made 5 serious, nearly successful attempts at suicide because her mother would not accept the fact that she is a girl. I can tell, without a doubt, from 5,000 miles away that this kid IS a girl -- she even looks like a girl. I really hope she lives to grow up. I think you guys are doing great so far. Just continue to be attentive, and listen to even seemingly trivial things if they relate to her/his sex. You are dealing with sex here, not gender, and that is an important distinction to make. I really wish all parents thought like you do. If they did, we'd have far fewer suicidal kids to deal with here.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  11. Jo A
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    Jo A Reliable Advisor
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    Audry,
    Bless you and thank you for all the good you do.

    lady_sunshine,
    You are a wonderful and caring parent.

    Keep loving your little one and they will find their way with your love.
     

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