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Nervous and Shy Girl Needs Some Encouragement

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Saucy94, Nov 8, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Saucy94
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    Saucy94 Lonewolf
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    I'm a 25 yo single lesbian with a bunch of straight friends and no lgbt friends that live remotely close to me. I've been trying to get someone to go to the gay bar in town with me because I don't want to go alone, but every time we have something planned an emergency will pop up for them and I'm left alone for the night. I know their emergencies are completely legit and I'm not resenting them for taking care of other priorities.

    I just want to get myself around some people that I can relate to on certain topics, but I'm really nervous to go out by myself. Usually people who go to the bar here are all grouped up and I feel so awkward trying to approach people. I'm debating going out on Saturday night, which is a great night to do so because they have drag shows going on Saturday nights.

    Does anyone else here struggle with trying to put themselves out there? Cuz I feel like I'm standing on my head sometimes and I don't know what to do with myself.
     
  2. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Forever in debt to your priceless advice.
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    Welcome to our forum Saucy94 :) 

    Yes, I think many of our members can relate to your situation. I've never been very good at dating. Fortunately I now have an amazing girlfriend.
     
  3. Saucy94
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    Saucy94 Lonewolf
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    That's awesome to hear, BiBi! If you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?
     
  4. BiBiLife
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    It was pretty random. I was outside a classroom, waiting for my class to start. She was also outside that classroom, waiting to talk to the professor whose class was just ending. She introduced herself and told me I'm pretty :X3:  We talked and she gave me her number. We texted all night and things just got better from there *swoons*

    The freaky thing is, if I hadn't decided to go to class early, and this professor had been able to meet with her the previous day, it's likely we never would have met.
     
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  5. Saucy94
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    Saucy94 Lonewolf
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    That's so sweet! <3<3

    I live in a college town, so there are plenty of lgbt people here. Unfortunately the demographic is skewed more towards gay men at the bar in town. I wouldn't normally go to a bar to hang out with people, but since I'm not in college anymore there aren't a lot of other places here that I'm aware of to meet up with others.
     
  6. BiBiLife
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    I get that. It's hard to meet LGBT+ people in general. My girlfriend is only the second LGBT+ person I've met at my college that I know of.
     
  7. Saucy94
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    Saucy94 Lonewolf
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    Are we all THAT afraid of going out to meet others, even in a safe place? I'm not trying to be rude about this, it's sad to see we're still in a time where people aren't comfortable enough to spend time hanging out together.
     
  8. BiBiLife
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    I think a lot of people experience some degree of anxiety meeting others. It's only human to avoid situations where rejection may occur.
     
  9. Midge
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    That is true. I mean, at school, I don't even talk to my teachers because I'm scared that they won't support or understand me.
     
  10. Saucy94
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    Saucy94 Lonewolf
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    My anxiety was through the roof before I finally decided to come out to my boss at work. He could tell something was up; I looked irritable, I slammed a door, which is out of character for me, and I my responses to everything said to me that day were either short or simply silence.

    He called me to the office and asked me what was up. Through all the sobbing I came out to him. I'll give you the short amd sweet version of his reaction: I don't care, I see you as you. I've never had anyone in his age group react that way which pleasantly surprised me.
     
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  11. Restless

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    It's fine if it's a singles night or something, but as you say, it feels weird to go sit at a bar and drink alone, and if you approach people it makes them think you're attracted - not just trying to make some friends. Also, I'd be worried about getting home late alone.

    Last time I was in that situation I was in my 20s, join a club you enjoy, for me I like playing football so I joined a team and met a bunch of people that way. Theres also groups on sites like meetup that arrange things and there's lesbian groups on facebook too that arrange days out.

    # remember if you're meeting people, always somewhere public and make sure people know the details, just in case - I didn't have anyone to tell because I wasn't out, ended up confiding in a colleague at work to be safe. #



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  12. Saucy94
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    Saucy94 Lonewolf
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    Yeah, I might head out to the bar by myself tonight and see how things go from there. I'll let one of my friends at work know who happens to live really close to the bar in case if something goes down. Hopefully I'll make a friend or two tonight :) 
     
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