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Lesbian Nervous about going on a date

Discussion in 'Health - Physical/Mental' started by Lv4music, Oct 14, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Lv4music
    Jaded

    Lv4music Reliable Advisor
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    I've chatted with a lovely woman on a dating app a few times and she mentioned going out for lunch and cocktails. I started getting anxiety about it immediately. I tend to sabotage myself when things are looking up. I'm not used to meeting people like this. I usually get hit on by women I've been around for a while. It's usually a surprise to me when it happens,but It's more comfortable for me that way cuz we already kinda know each other.
    I have social anxiety, agoraphobia, and no filter. It's much easier to make a good impression when you can hit the edit button. I haven't been around people in a social setting for almost a year. I don't know if I'll be able to maintain a normal conversation. Ive had so much negative shit happen in my life. I'm so used to talking to people in a clinical setting, I'm not sure if I can pull off a healthy adult conversation in person.
    I'm also worried about how it will effect my self esteem if/ when I blow it.
    I don't have support or a soft place to land IRL. Im used to people just thinking I'm a weirdo and it sucks. It keeps taking me back to how I was before brain injury. I want to keep pushing on and living life, but I'm scared of failure
     
    #1 Lv4music, Oct 14, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2020
  2. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    I think I'll just ignore her I have way too much shit wrong with me to have any kind of normal relationship with another human being without an edit button. Even then it's difficult. I fucking hate what my fucking doctors and family did to me. Fuck it . Maybe it's time to go back on the suicide pills. It's the only thing my doctor is ready to prescribe me without discretion. That sends a pretty strong message. Maybe it's time for compliance again.
     
    #2 Lv4music, Oct 14, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2020
  3. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Advisor
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    Hey<3 I hope you see this, but please don't ignore her=( It would prob shatter her if she really is into you, and I don't think you want to hurt her, you don't seem like that type of person. Believe me, speaking from experience, I had a major crush on this girl and thought she liked me back. She was showing me a lot of attention too and things seemed to be going well. We made plans to see a movie, she told me she'd tell me when she was free. A few days went by, she mentioned the movie 1 more time, just saying she was excited to see it, but didn't know still when she'd be free. A week went by, nothing. 2 weeks, I asked about it because it was leaving the theatre, nothing. A month later, she unfollowed me on Instagram. We never saw the movie, she completely ghosted me and I was left utterly and completely heartbroken. It took me a year to feel better from her. Sure, that isn't every case. Everyone is different. I'm just telling you, speaking as the girl who got ignored, its a horrible feeling. I would have felt entirely different if she had just been honest with me, no matter what was going on, I could have taken it. Without any reason for it happening, you have so many questions going through your head, mostly thinking it was your fault even though logically you know you didn't do anything wrong. Anyway, moral of the story, PLEASE tell her. Just tell her you are kind of nervous and feel it may be too soon right now. If you want to keep talking to her, that's fine. If you don't want a relationship, say you aren't ready for one and would prefer to be friends if that's okay with her. Say you have a lot going on, you don't have to get into the specifics. Its okay to do that, she will appreciate your honesty SO much more than ghosting her, I swear. She may (probably will) understand too if you confided in her that you have social anxiety, there's a lot of people in this world that do. My best friend is one of them, I have a bit of it too but mine is more generalized. Anyway, I think it would help her to understand and she would def. be patient with you. I know it IS scary when a relationship starts to change, any change is scary. You don't want to screw up or hurt them, i'm the SAME way. I usually have super bad anxiety for a bit when i'm dealing with change, to the point of feeling sick and not wanting to eat. It sucks because sometimes its good things, but anxiety unfortunately doesn't discriminate. She would prob get it more than you give her credit for.

    In terms of everything else, you are NOT a weirdo=( Its nothing like that. We all have our struggles and demons. Not all of us always talk about it, but we do, doesn't mean they don't exist. I really am sorry you've been feeling so low but please don't resort to hurting yourself/taking your life=( That's never, ever the answer. It sounds like things have been hard for awhile, and i'm so sorry to hear that. They've got to get better somehow though, someway, they have to. Even when things really suck and you've had the shittiest day, there usually is at least one good, positive, bright thing in it, even if only one. It doesn't have to be something big, it could be something really small and simple, like going outside and seeing all the stars up in the sky at night, feeling the breeze on your face and just being in awe of the beauty. It could be having fresh cookies out of the oven because you've been craving them for days. t could be finding 5 dollars in your jean pocket that you forgot about. You can guarantee there will always be little things to pull us through each day, and there will also be big things. And I know there MUST be people that love you. We don't just live for ourselves (although it is the most important in a lot of regards) we also live for the people we love and who love us. They would be devastated if you were ever gone=(

    I really hope you are able to see this message, I really hope if you aren't feeling even a little bit better when you see this, that you will be after reading this. I'll be here if you need anything, you can always message me. I'll never judge you for what you are going through, not any of us. Al of us here love you and want the very best for you<3
     
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  4. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    Thank you for the response. It means a lot to me. Every morning i log onto that site to say goog morning to my buddy that I chat with. She was online. So I just sent a message saying that I haven't been out of the house in nearly a year except for going to the store cuz of being high risk for covid. And that I was kinda scared. Which is all true.
    Thanks for the concern for my welfare, but I'm actually not suicidal. I just have horrible mood swings and lack a filter. That mood didn't last long. Just the self-defeating little voice. And always frustrated with my doctors. I appreciate you being there and Jayme too.
    Thank you. Hugs and Peace
    L4music
     
  5. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Advisor
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    Awww you're very welcome<3 I'm so gad to hear things are looking up and you're doing a bit better. I know your friend prob really appreciated you being honest with her.
     
  6. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    Well, to keep being honest , I think she just wants a hookup with lunch and cocktails, but I'm not sure. I'm not as good at reading people as I used to be. If she does want to hook up, I got a lot of cleaning to do. My house is a mess. I just haven't cared for a long time. I told her I'd be more comfortable having lunch here ( in my town) she's about 30 minutes away. It's sad how lonely I am, and at the same time I hope she ghosts me.
    Ohhh sweet self esteem!
     
  7. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Advisor
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    Yeah=( Well if you're okay with a hook up (not everyone is and its fine either way) then that's okay, but if you aren't, its also okay to say so. I think lunch there is fine as long as you feel she's trustworthy since you'd be bringing a stranger into your home.
     
  8. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    She seems really, a lot more tame than what I'm used to. That's what scares me. I have let my house go.., I'm not prepared for someone to be at my house. And I told her to come to my town .. I don't know how this shit works. I have a horrible self-esteem. Like I said .... I'm not used to meeting people this way. Just scared to stop living. I just sent her a couple more pictures of me. I have to stop eating onions and clean my house if I'm gonna get laid. Hope y'all got a sense of humor with your support.
    The last person/ girl I had sex with was a friend I knew for over 30 years.
     
    #8 Lv4music, Oct 15, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2020
  9. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Well-Known Advisor
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    i'm sure it will be just fine<3 It sounds like she really likes you for you, that's all that matters to her. You guys will enjoy yourselves, even if it feels a little awkward at first. It always does<3
     
  10. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    I don't know how she could like me for me. We've not had that much communication. That's why I think she's more interested in a hookup. Or maybe a regular hook-up. I don't know. I just gotta process these onions and maybe do a quick clean on my house.
     
  11. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    Wish me luck. I'm off into the unknown....
     
  12. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    Geez, I'm an idiot. I haven't looked at her profile for a while. I knew she was bi, but she's also married. So .it would just be me taking a risk of catching covid with no potential for a relationship. At least not the kind of relationship I would hope for.
    Getting laid is super easy. Everyone on those apps seems to be looking for just that. I'm looking for friendship and potentially a relationship. But I'm not interested in a fuck buddy who's going home to their family at the end of the day and I just go home with covid-19.
    She also told me she's already had covid-19, which is kinda scary in itself. She doesn't seem to be all that worried about getting it again. But then again why would you worry about it, when you have a husband to take care of you?
    What a mess! After all that I'm just gonna have to let her know I'm not interested. Oh well. One less thing to worry about. And I don't have to clean my house. Yay!
     
    #12 Lv4music, Oct 16, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2020
  13. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    Fuck it. I chatted with her some more today on another site. Reminding her who I was from the other site. I know she's married, I've been in relationships like that before. It's just been quite a few years. She's willing to take it slow. Just get to know each other . I like her so far. I think her husband or fiancee or whatever he is , seems like a good guy and is also in a relationship with another man.
    I think my major hang up is covid. I expressed that to her and got back the response I was looking for. Now we do lunch.. Slow, no expectations.
    Just, please wish me luck. I haven't done anything like this for a long time.
     
    #13 Lv4music, Oct 22, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2020
  14. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    Thanks soooo much for the support and response. It was extremely helpful.
    We went on our date. I spewed my usual unfiltered word vomit and still had a successful date. For the record.... A successful date for me isn't about getting laid. It's about me being able to have someone accept me with all my quirks and issues and still want to talk to me the next day.
    She's a lovely person. I'm glad I said "Fuck it" and took the chance. Thanks again for the responses. I don't think I would have had the nerve to go through with it, without your support.
     
  15. Lv4music
    Jaded

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    I didn't want to say anything before, but, DANG, is this what healthy feels like?
    I didn't want to jinx anything by talking about it. Things are going so incredibly well with this woman. I have the worst fucking self esteem and the most neurosis and anxiety if anyone I've ever known. I can't believe this woman has accepted me. Oh my God, she's so fucking cool.
    It's just what I needed. I've been surrounded by toxic people trying to recover and better myself. It's just been a clusterfuck for a decade. I can't believe someone so highly educated and beautiful wants to be with me.And she can't believe that I can't believe that she likes me. Oh fuck my self esteem. Lol
    Never stop trying!!!!!!
    Thanks for the encouragement and support.
     
    #15 Lv4music, Nov 13, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2020

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