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Lesbian Need advice

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Courtney Castleberry, Sep 10, 2019 at 11:00 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Courtney Castleberry

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    I know I'm attracted to women romantically and I enjoy kissing them. When I see a couple in a movie or tv show or even in real life I don't think of how I would like to have that with a guy, I immediately go to thinking how I want that with a female. I have kissed women before but it never goes further than that...when I think about going further sexually with a woman I get...nervous and scared, that makes me question if I'm even gay. I guess I find it very intimidating. Has anyone else struggled with this? Because I have no idea what to think or do. When I picture the person I'm with in my future I see it with a woman, not a man. So I would really love some advice or whatever on all this. Please and thank you.
     
  2. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Hi Courtney and welcome to the family. Old cis bi guy speaking. :) 

    From what you describe, it's obvious that you are gay - end of. Your nervousness about the idea of actually having sex with another woman is completely understandable. Of course you find it rather daunting: you've never done it before! This is no reason to be questioning your sexual orientation.

    All your worrying about it has made this (really quite little) step of first-time sex get all out of proportion in your head, so that it now seems like a great hurdle. One way of dealing with this is to be totally honest with any future potential partner about your inexperience. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, such honesty will most likely work to your advantage: many people find the prospect of helping a newbie with this rite of passage rather an honour - and anyone who doesn't is somebody you don't need to be with anyway! :) 
     
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  3. MarKa2019
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    MarKa2019 Hot Cookie
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    Very well explained, Thespis. I went through all these emotions with my first partner. She was 10 years older than me and very understanding. As awkwardly as it first felt, I did share my worries with her (about the luck of experience etc.) and there was no confusion as to what was going to happen, should we get... hm, rather close.
    In all honesty, with the right person, there is no reason to be concerned, as she will take care of you and things will start to feel more natural.
     
    #3 MarKa2019, Sep 11, 2019 at 12:30 PM
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2019 at 12:35 PM
  4. CherryTree

    CherryTree Greenhorn
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    I think the feelings and aspirations you’re describing sound like you’re gay, but only you can say how you truly identify. And I think it’s totally natural to be nervous about going further than kissing.

    What MarKa said!
     
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  5. MarKa2019
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    MarKa2019 Hot Cookie
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    CherryTree, you got it spot on.

    There is no specific timeframe that any of us could give you, before you start to feel comfortable about what is actually happening between you and that person.
     
  6. Fallinglikethestars

    Fallinglikethestars Hot Cookie
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    I agree with all the above... You seem to know who you are but are just scared of the unknown. With the right person (someone who genuinely cares for you) you will be totally fine... They will gently guide you through it and make sure your ok and comfortable. To be honest I think a woman with a woman sexually is the most beautiful thing (however I am a fully fledged lesbian so I may be bias lol) it's gentle.. it's loving... It's slow... It's passionate.... *Sighs ok now I can't think straight!!! My point is you have nothing to be scared or intimidated about I can promise you.. if you find someone you like let them know it's your first time and just take it at your own pace. Sending love xxx
     
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  7. GreekGurl

    GreekGurl Love & Light

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    If you can't imagine "going down" on a girl...probably NOT Gay/Bi LOL
     
  8. Courtney Castleberry

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    Thank you to everyone who has replied, I seriously appreciate it
     
  9. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    Hey there! Definitely agree with everyone here. Just take a deep breath and relax. :)  My girlfriend and I were both virgins before we met so we both were/are scared too because it was something we’d never done before with anyone. Honestly the best thing you can do is be honest. Tell your partner that you’re not experienced and about your uncertainty, they should respond gently and with kindness, otherwise they’re not the one for you. Have them take things slow and maybe let them take the lead if you’re comfortable with that. My girlfriend when she met me assumed because I have a rather bold personality that I’d done all this before but I actually hadn’t! I was just winging it as much as anyone who is doing it for the first time is. She let me take the lead though and it was a very pleasant experience for both of us. My main goal was to make sure that she was happy and relaxed and felt safe, and that should be your partner’s priority as well. Focus on the enjoyment and it might ease some of your nerves.
     

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