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Need advice.

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Cluelessblonde, Sep 13, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Cluelessblonde

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    Hi.
    So I need help to rationalise my situation. I don't have friends that I can talk to about this. It's a very long story so I apologise and it's something that's been a weight on my shoulders for around 4 months now. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 15 months and everything was going great until she started a new job and started working with a girl who is also gay (girl A). Things started to change when girl A left her girlfriend of 4 years and started messaging my girlfriend constantly, literraly from the moment she opened her eyes in the morning to the minute she shut them at night and would also phone her very late at Night. I began to become suspicious of something but didn't say anything because I trust my girlfriend, however they started texting through Snapchat which I thought was odd since she never liked Snapchat and always uses messenger. My girlfriend then started meeting this girl outside work and would tell me that girl A was coming over to her house at 10pm to watch a movie and she would stay there until 1/2 in the morning. I began to get really suspicious and anxious that something was going on between them we I confronted my girlfriend and she reassured me that they were just really good friends. So after 3 months I was still paranoid that something was happening between them, they were meeting up more often for dinner and she was now going to her house late at night and my girlfriend was beginning to hide her phone screen from me when she received a Snapchat message from girl A, so one morning I couldn't handle it anymore and I decided to check my girlfriend's phone and I found messages saved on her Snapchat from this girl A. Girl A had sent my girlfriend a message stating that she was so madly in love with my girlfriend and that she was gonna do everything she could to win her and that she gonna ask her into her bed anymore she was just going to let it happen when the time was right for my girlfriend. She then went on to say that she was going to protect her and give her everything inlife that she deserves and blah blah blah a bunch of other stuff. I immediately broke down in tears and confronted my girlfriend, my girlfriend's response was that I shouldn't have been snooping on her phone and that if I trusted her it wouldn't be a problem because she's in a relationship with me and not her. I asked my girlfriend to choose me or Girl A and my girlfriend told me she wasn't choosing anyone and i would just need to trust my girlfriend that nothing happening. So that all happens about 2 months ago and I can't stop thinking about it. My girlfriend still talks to this girl constantly and even meets up with this girl behind my back. I saw a message on my girlfriend's phone from Girl A. Girl A is still telling my girlfriend that she loves her and that she's going to treat her right and buy her things and take her different places and give her what she wants and deserves. I just don't know what to do. My girlfriend says that she's just a stupid girl that doesn't really love her and that if I trusted my girlfriend I shouldn't have anything to worry about and that they are just friends. I just need someone to help me with this who has been in a similar situation. Do I leave my girlfriend or do I trust her that there's nothing going on between them.
     
  2. Galien
    Spooky

    Galien Queer Agender Alien
    Beloved Member

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    Hey, hi :) 
    Well, first of, your gf was right, you souldn't have gone through her phone, it's really uncool and disrespectful, sorry to say that to you. Even if she were cheating on you, you don't have the right to do that. If my partner would have done that, I would have break up with them ASAP (your gf is really patient, maybe that's proves she really loves you). Because it's breaking one's intamacy and it shows you don't trust the other person. Well, sorry if you have the impression I'm being rude or what but I'm very sensitive about that subject.
    Concerning you asking advice, well, I think you shouldn't leave your gf because there isn't any proof she's cheating on you. Plus, you did see the confession of the girl on the phone but it seems your gf never reply to it. She have the right to have friends, even if those friends are gay girls and are in love with her. You have to accept it, it's her freedom and rights :)  If your start to want ruling her life and her relations, you might make her life a hell.
    If I have another advice to give you is to talk again with your gf. But this time don't "confront" her, talk calmly, tell her your feelings, be honest, but don't accuse her. Be respectful. And then, if you show her you trust her, maybe she'll explain to you why she talks so much with this girl. She might tell you she's just a friend and she just really likes her but as a friend, that she appreciates talking to her and seing her. That's what friendship is about, don't worry :) 
    A relationship is all about communication and respect, so don't forget that :)  Take care :) 
    PS : since you don't have anybody to talk about that, if you want to talk more, I can hear you :) 
     
  3. Lesbehonest

    Lesbehonest Hot Cookie
    Beloved Member

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    I've been in this situation more times then I can count. It is very common to feel jealous about her relationship with girl A. You have been in a relationship with your girlfriend for about 15 months now. The honest truth is, if she is keeping her phone secret most likely she either likes girl A or she just enjoys the attention she is getting. Remember girls feed on love and affection. So the real question is do you want to fight to keep your girlfriend or do you want to let her go? Tell her that you trust her and that at any moment if she feels like moving on, that you would like to be the first person to know! Tell her that you won't judge her or be angry with her! That you love her and want her to be happy! If you want to keep her than look at your relationship with her! Ask her what you can do to make your relationship better? Are you giving her enough love and affection that she craves? Do you give her enough intimacy? I've been with my girlfriend for 9 years now, every day is a challenge and everyday you will meet new people that will make you crave a new experience but the best advice is to be completely honest with one another! Even if you do have feelings for a coworker or a friend! Its always best to tell them, that's how you build a strong bond.
     
  4. trickyZ
    Paranoid

    trickyZ Curious Explorer
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    This just makes me think of how ridiculous it is that two lesbians can't just be friends and how a straight guy and a straight girl can't just be friends. The reason it bothers you is that you don't trust her. If anyone gave me the "pick her or me" thing it would be a huge turn off.
     

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