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Gay My Long Coming Out Story

Discussion in 'Gay' started by KyleTheHotOne, Oct 12, 2019 at 4:42 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. KyleTheHotOne
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    KyleTheHotOne Curious Explorer
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    So I recently came out on Feb 1, 2019 to my inner circle of friends and then my family, who to my surprise were supportive and told me they figured I have gay, but didn’t want to say anything nor did they say who they figured it out. I am 21 and I still live with my parents, but only because of family related health problems that is holding me back from getting a job and moving out. Family first right? but anyways here is my coming out story to my inner circle of friend. My best friend of 10 years was the hardest to tell because he is a homophobe, who uses slurs and just cant stand gay people. I knew this so it took forever to tell him, Well I was well aware of this and it took me forever to decide to just come out to him, I didn't know if he would just throw away 10 years of friendship over this or not. So the conversation started by talking about our past and just high school years, talking about how much we missed certain people, or i should of done this or fucked this girl etc... Well in high school we both liked this girl (me on an emotional level not really a physical level.) and I had opportunities to sleep with her but for obvious reasons I never did and I told him that. He told me man you should of just slept with her dude, like what is the matter with you. At this point in my life I was really getting fed up with everything and I just really wanted to tell him, so i can stop hearing the " when are you going to get a girl" type of talk from my friends. So i kind of hinted and told him, it wasn't really her, it was more me. Hes like what do you mean, and this is where I kind of started to regret saying that, I instantly try to change the subject, and i say it doesn't matter man and try to start a new topic. Well he wasn't going to let it go, and continued to ask me, I just kept saying I cant man, I cant tell you right now. (Mind you this is over Xbox Live not in person in a party, talking through mics.). He continued on relentlessly for another 10 mins. He finally asked me are you gay dude? but like not serious, he asked me in a joking way. I said no like instantly, as it was a bit of a habit, but a few short seconds I was like ummm... umm.... um... (studdering) He asked again dude you serious are you gay? Silence hit for about 10 seconds, I told him think about it man. This was probably the longest silence of my life, (it seemed that way anyways) about 20 seconds later he says in a more serious tone dude no way your not gay are you messing with me. I continued to studder a bit because I’m really nervous, and I say let me explain this to you. "Do you know how hard it is to tell you this? I've heard you over the past 10 years tell me if I was ever gay you'd instantly not be my friend. Do you know what that feels like? Waking up everyday knowing that you can’t even tell the person you've bonded for, for almost 10 years?" All he could say at this time was I cant believe it dude, i cant believe it. No way, you cant be... dude i cant believe it. I told him everything about what has transpired over the last 10 years such as fake girlfriends or actual girlfriends that I actually had but ended the relationship really fast because she was ready to have sex. He was still in shock at this point and was just trying to process everything so I was doing most of the talking. I made a few things very clear to him, 1. I didn't like him, my friends are my friends or in this case my brother is my brother and that's what you have been to me. 2. I don't want things to change between us, I don't want you to ignore my calls or messages just because you know I’m gay now. I’m still the same person I was, only difference is you just know now. 3. Don’t tell anyone that I don’t tell, even if I get you mad or hurt feelings you can’t dude, you just cant. He was very happy that I didn't like him, he said he would have to get used to this so bare with me because you know I don’t like gay people but I’m not going to throw away our friendship because of this, and lastly he agreed to not to tell anyone that didn't already know no matter the circumstance.

    Then the next part of the talking commenced with him asking questions. How did you know? are you sure? like are you really sure? give me a percentage on how sure you are. I told Him 95% sure, because I’m not ever going to say never, so he kept telling me well I’m going to cling on to that 5% and just try to find you "the one" (girl) , I told him good luck on that buddy because 95% is pretty strong LOL. After the questions were done he began to kind of pressure me into coming out to the inner circle because it felt like it was going to be more awkward for him if our inner circle of friends didn’t know. I said I really don’t know man this was just a huge step coming out to you, like you have no idea. He says I don’t mean to pressure you but I really think you should, its a lot to hold in that can’t be healthy. I kind of chuckled and told him I’ve been holding it in since I was 14 man I think I cant hold it in a bit longer. So after about two hours of talking and kind of joking around to release the tension in the air we called it a night and both of us went to sleep.

    The next morning I woke up with major anxiety, so bad that it was turning my stomach. I was like this all day, no messages from him or anything. I go running for a bit come back and I see hes online on Xbox Live with my inner circle friends, and I immediately start to get nervous and panic. All sorts of scenarios are running through my head, about 5 mins later I received a phone call, what do you know its my best friend that i told the night before. I answer and i say whats up man. Friend: What's up dude what are you doing? Me: Nothing just chilling on my bed whats up? Friend: How was your day man? (Now this got awkward, one we never talk on the phone like this, so this was already uncomfortable.) Me: Woke up kind of late, did nothing really all day but i just got back from a quick run. Friend: So I really think you should tell the group. Listen and hear me out, if you tell them now then it’s going to give them time to process everything. If you wait then its just going to take longer for the whole process. Me: Dude I don’t know man I just came out to you, like this is really hard for me too man I’ve never done anything like this before. Friend: Look man I know this is hard but I was the one you were worried about, I’m the homophobe, when you told me I didn’t leave, I stayed and I’m accepting you for you even though I don’t like it I’m just going to get used to it. Our friends will not care man, they love you dude (In a brotherly way), their not going to throw away their friendship with you. (I felt really comfortable at this point but really nervous, hands shaking kind of thing) Me: So what you suggest i do man? what do you want me to do? Friend: I’m going to invite you to our party (group chat with mics) on xbox and just tell them dude, I’ll be there with you. Me: Dude I want to tell the separately and not in a group. Friend: No problem I’ll tell them to leave then I’ll invite them and you can tell them one by one separately. I’ll also tell them hey Kyle is coming into the party and he has something really serious to say so keep an open mind. Me: Okay man lets get this over with. My friend invites me and I enter the party, my friend 1 tells me hello, and asked me what’s going on and how I was doing, small talk stuff. I say hey man I have something really big to tell you, like I don’t want this to change the perception you have of me or anything like that. Are you ready? Friend 1 says yeah man go ahead. Me: I’m Gay. Friend 1: Dude is that it? I don’t care that your gay man if that’s what your into go for it, whatever makes you happy. Its not going to stop me from being friends with you. Me: thanks man i really appreciate it. Friend 1: I’m just sorry for any slurs or any gay jokes I said man. Me: Don’t be sorry man you didn't know, and I wasn't offended by it (the slurs i was but at least he said sorry?) Then I proceeded on telling him I was telling all the friends and too only keep it between us and only us. He said okay, and left the party so I could tell my next friend. Friend 2 came in and I told him the same stuff I said to friend 1, his reaction was hey man that’s your business, are we going to play some video games or what? I laughed and said yeah soon I have one more friend to tell. So he leaves and Friend 3 comes into the party, I tell him the exact same thing and his response was dude why didst you tell me sooner, I like you for you bro and that stuff doesn't bother me. Me: Thanks man.
    It pretty much ended their, like everyone knew now and a weight off my shoulders has been lifted. Now I still have to tell my family which honestly I’m not worried about at all, my main concern were my friends that I was closest too. I feel so much better.

    To be continued ....My coming out to my family next or maybe in a different thread, let me know should I continue it here or post my coming out to my family in a new thread.
     
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    #1 KyleTheHotOne, Oct 12, 2019 at 4:42 PM
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019 at 3:33 PM
  2. Doglover44
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    Doglover44 Reliable Contributor
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    Thanks for sharing with us
     
  3. KyleTheHotOne
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    KyleTheHotOne Curious Explorer
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    Your welcome it took a while to write and get it the way I wanted it.
     
  4. Claire15
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    Claire15 Well-Known Contributor
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    Lovely..
    You should probably post it here..
    Best of luck :) 
     
  5. KyleTheHotOne
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    KyleTheHotOne Curious Explorer
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    Thanks and I'll post it as soon as I can write it.
     
  6. Jo A
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    Jo A Active Veteran
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    Hug and it wonderful that you can be you.
     
  7. KyleTheHotOne
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    KyleTheHotOne Curious Explorer
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    Thanks and yes it is wonderful!
     
  8. Mikey likes it

    Mikey likes it Dedicative Contributor
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    No matter what the world, family or friends think, you have to be you. This hiding a part of yourself, to make others comfortable, is wrong. If I tell you I hate brussel sprouts, ( and I do hate them with a passion), and you love brussel sprouts...can't we still be friends? After all we might agree on stronger issues and concerns. Much love to you Mikey.
     
  9. KyleTheHotOne
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    KyleTheHotOne Curious Explorer
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    Thanks and I was kinda afraid to tell them, but I'm glad I did and that they accept me for me.
     
  10. Thespis
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    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Well done, Kyle. You may not realise this yet, but you achieved something that goes beyond the purely personal here. You came out to a self-confessed open homophobe. Now he knows, the longer you remain friends, the more he will be forced to question his prejudices. In time, he may even become an ally! :) 
     
  11. KyleTheHotOne
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    KyleTheHotOne Curious Explorer
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    Thanks and I'm glad my homophobe friend could accept that I'm gay though it may take time some time to fully accept it and that we can still be friends and I hope he does question his prejudices.
     
    #11 KyleTheHotOne, Oct 13, 2019 at 4:53 PM
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019 at 5:14 PM

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