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My ex broke up with me for her belief

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by QuinnN201, Feb 14, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. QuinnN201

    QuinnN201 Greenhorn

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    Please help!

    My ex broke up with me a month ago due to her belief. She is Catholic and she is very religious.

    We gotto know each other via online dating app in November 2018, and after 1 month of chatting, we finally met in December. Everything was so beautiful that we became girlfriends in January (after a month of seeing each others). Things went great, my family know her, my friends and some of the workmates know her as well; and so does her people (except her mom since she is very religiuos), her family, friends and workmates. We had saving together (for future plans and for daily expense), we went to a lot of places; we never fought, we were loving and caring and respecting each others so much.

    Things were so great until her trip back to her country for visiting her family (she came to Australia on working visa). About a month before that trip (around October), our sex life wasn't so good, as she always tried to drunk me or made us stay late, so she could avoid it (our sex life before was really good with a lot of passion). So the trip went well, she was introducing me with her sister, we video called and we were talking everyday when she was oversea; and after 3 weeks oversea, she came back in mid December, with a lot of presents from US, and she broke up with me.

    She said, she was seeing things, not so nice things when we were having intimate moment before (I guessed that was the reason she was trying to avoid it), and when she were in US, she had marijuana cookies, and she was seeing God, telling her that He is giving her the last chance, to do the right thing. She said she saw herself with a man, and she couldn't being with me anymore.

    My heart was broken into species, I was devastating, I was numb and confused and hurt, and I didn't know what to do. I had to except it, since she said she couldn't be with me anymore and her future had to be with someone else.

    I left her be, I did no contact after that, and she texted me after 3 days of the break up. It was just she wanted to check on me to see how I was doing, and all the messages just killing me, I was sad and hoping and crying every time I read them. After 2 weeks of the break up, I video call her to see if there is any signs of her changing her mind. She was sad, and it was awkward, but from the look of her face, I knew she wouldn't change anything.

    After another 2 weeks (a month from the break up), I video called her again, just to see if there would be any hopes, and I didn't. I knew that if she wouldn't change her mind, being in touch by casual messages just pushing her away and I would just getting more pain. So I said, at that moment, I couldn't be friend with her anymore since all I wanted is a future for both, like we used to dream and work on it. She said she understood, bid me goodbye, and end up the call.

    The next day, I found out she block me on her social media, she delete my number and she withdrawn from all the video call apps we used to use. I was in shock and panic, I called her right after that and she didn't answer.

    It has been 3 weeks from that day and we are in no contact. What should I do, time passed and I just know that I love her so much and I really don't want to let this beautiful relationship go.
     
  2. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    You are in a safe place and we are here for you.

    I am sorry for your pain and wish I could hold you while you cry and hope you feel loved and supported.

    Break up for any reason is hard, A break up because they cannot accept you or themselves is just so sad and painful.

    This will sound bad and I am sorry. I think she is playing the religion card as it is easy.

    I would give her space and keep your eyes and heart open to someone else.

    There will be other nice people soon.

    Sorry and one more soft hug filled with love for you - Jo
     
  3. QuinnN201

    QuinnN201 Greenhorn

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    Thanks Jo A. I know that all I can do now is give her space and work on myself. Thanks for your kind advice and support.
     
  4. Edmonde
    Sunshine

    Edmonde Hot Cookie
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    A person's religious beliefs can free or trap them.

    Take a walk through Wallmart or some major Superstore. See people from generations older that are together due to some belief or another and see if they are happy together.

    I saw people that are married, followed tradition, but were miserable together. I have see the reverse as well.

    It seems that the central question here is: "Do your values serve you as well as you serve them?" I ask this in the plural sense for anyone.

    Are we willing to sacrifice genuine happiness when it happens for the sake of values or security? Could it be that love isn't always on time?
     
  5. QuinnN201

    QuinnN201 Greenhorn

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    Thanks Edmonde.

    It keeps me up at nights, thinking about how it ended.

    I am still hoping, that she would realise what she really wants (and needs) for herself.

    I am still working on myself and hopefully I would be able to overcome the breakup soon.
     
  6. Edmonde
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    Edmonde Hot Cookie
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    When we communicate, there are a number of ways that people interpret what we say, oftentimes regardless of how we actually feel as we say the words.

    Each person's life experiences and social or religious safety net are going to vary. They may surprise us by how they react to what we say that leave us confused.

    This can especially be confusing across gender, religious, racial or cultural lines of communication and how we interpret body language, based on our unique experiences.

    Here in the West, I keep re-discovering how powerful a role some people play in how others treat you. Some may interfere because (in their minds) they feel they are protecting you from their own perceived taboos. They don't always realize that what suits them, may not suit you.

    There may be some that will accept you as gay, bisexual, etc.; but, may not accept your partner's age, race, nationality, religion, etc. Those influencers oftentimes play a security role for your partner.

    It is good for people and families to have close ties, but it is better when they love you for who you are in an every-changing world.
     
  7. QuinnN201

    QuinnN201 Greenhorn

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    In your experience, usually people (like my ex) would come around later, after realising themselves (for who they are); or they would try to live up to their beliefs?
     
  8. Edmonde
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    Edmonde Hot Cookie
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    As time goes by, we are always changing. Your ex may discover that she likes men or she might have not only the religious beliefs as a potential barrier, but also a close friend or family member with considerable influence. She may come around to living her life, but don't let distance and non-communication become additional barriers.

    Loving a person for who they are is central, genuine and real. I know a man, who is bisexual, but is so worried how he will be accepted because his own unique bisexuality is colored by upbringing, culture and his own living experience, which leads him to be closer to a woman then with a man. He is attracted to both, but puts a much higher value on a woman than a man.

    Does he need to be loved for who he is? Definately! If he were to find a woman that he could bond with for life, he would sacrifice life and limb for her love. Could she accept him and love who he is and be willing to have another man in the mix? That depends on her situation and her needs and how she perceives him and the overall situation as well as what influencers exist in her world.

    Could the other man accept that the woman will always be central to the relationship? That will depend on his unique situation.

    So, the central questions are, can we love a person for who they are inside as they discover themselves and live that life? Can they accept us for who we are as we change into more of ourselves?

    My advice is to keep in touch with her while maintaining always an open mind for her happiness as well as yours.

    Compatibility and non-judgmental open-mindedness are key.
    --- Double Post Merged, Feb 16, 2020 ---
    If we want to reach another, it is better for both to build a bridge and not a wall.
     
    #8 Edmonde, Feb 16, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2020
  9. QuinnN201

    QuinnN201 Greenhorn

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    Thanks Edmonde.

    She blocked me on social media already, and she deleted my number, as well as she didn’t answer my call 3 weeks ago, so I guess there is not much things I can do about it, at the moment.

    I still hope that in the future, she would reach out so we can at least be friend again.
     
  10. Edmonde
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    Edmonde Hot Cookie
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    It is about compatibility and happiness. if it is meant to be, keep the door open.

    Another may come along in a whole new package of love, problems, solutions and experiences.

    Because of my own experiences over time, I am always moved by eyes crying in the rain to help wherever I can.

    Try to heal for now and keep your mind and options open, ok? :) 
     
  11. QuinnN201

    QuinnN201 Greenhorn

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    Thanks a lot for your time and your kind advices, Edmonde.

    I will definitely work on healing and love myself more each day, as well as be positive about future outcome between me and my ex (even if it would be just friend, I would support her for whatever she wants in life), as well as new opportunities if it might come.

    .
     

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