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Mom doesn’t like short hair

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Love4Ever, Aug 18, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    So basically I’m going to being cutting off more of my hair than I ever have in my life in a few days. Obviously, I know I’m an adult and can cut my hair however I want, but the thing is it really bothers me that my mom doesn’t like my hair. I’m dreading coming home and seeing her reaction to my hair and giving me that sad disappointed look she kinda gets. She has never liked short hair on girls and I had long hair for much of my life and that was how she preferred it. Recently I got it cut in a short bob and all she could say was that it was really short. I don’t know, I could tell that she didn’t really like it even though it grew on her later I think. But still, every time I go in for a haircut she would much prefer I leave it as long as possible. Can anyone relate to having a mom who hates their hair?
     
  2. Jo A
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    Back in the seventies my parents hated I had long hair.

    While I understand the desire to please your mom, it is more important at this point in your life to be you and if short hair is what makes you feel wonderful, then short hair it should be.

    If you are at the point that you spend your life pleasing your mother, will you never be to the point of being You.

    I know, not a girl but my parents were a bit shocked when I came home at 62 with earrings, female tops, and perfume. I got to be Me and it felt good.

    Sorry for the long response and more then likely not what you wanted to hear.

    Peace - Jo
     
  3. Funk Pirate
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    Funk Pirate The poly, naughty bi-trans futa ^^ happy to chat
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    My mother was very much the same. Since a young age I always wanted my hair long, but my mum never liked boys with long hair.

    When I started to grow out may hair before I told anyone about me being trans, my mum would always make comments about me needing to cut it etc. Fortunately now that she does know, shes come to accept my longer hair, but ive had to do what makes me feel good.

    Iam sure once you have it cut, your mum may say things to begin with, but the longer you have short hair the more she will get used to it. At the end of the day its your body and your choice.

    ~Fiona.
     
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  4. BiBiLife
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    BiBiLife Whatsername
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    I always had long hair until three years ago I wanted to cut it short. My dad didn't like the idea, but after lots of resistance, he did it for me anyway. Now he likes it, and I will probably never grow my hair long again.
     
  5. mike300

    mike300 Reliable Advisor
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    and why u need so desperatily your mother s aprooval about your hair style? she doesnt like, ok, whats the problem/? u just cut it short!!! u havent painted it purple or green , u havent shaved your head!!! short hair is something very common in women! !its umbelievable how much parents affect their children lives, even when children have their own children...
     
  6. Guarani
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    She might be the type of person that can´t stand whatever change you want.
    You shouldn´t take her in account at all. Who cares who sulks about your hair.
    It is a fault in parenting, not in you, keep that in mind.

    But, I think it is pretty universal, parents that want to keep their kids in the frame of their dreams instead of appreciating the offsprings own individuality.

    In general, the whole - long hair for girls, short hair fot boys- idea is absurd and backwards. I can´t deal with people who think that way and won´t have them in my circle of friends.
     
  7. Larry45
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    Larry45 Amateur bisexual
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    I used to have long hair. My mom didn’t care for it but didn’t get upset over it either
     
  8. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    Thanks for all the comments, I just got home from work.❤️I hear all that you’re saying and I agree with it, it just sucks because I feel like a bad daughter for making her unhappy. I also am kinda afraid this would cause her to bring up my sexuality again. I came out to her as bi last year, but I came out by text and it’s something we just don’t talk about because it almost became easier not to. But now I’m afraid this new haircut is going to just dredge it all up and she will try to talk to me about it when I don’t feel comfortable discussing it since I know she’s not thrilled about it. She doesn’t know that I’m basically gay now either and that I have a girlfriend she has never met. It sucks, and this is one more thing I have to worry about.
     
  9. Thespis
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    So really this isn't about hair at all, is it? It's about not wanting to raise the subject of your sexuality.

    As for the business of not wanting to tell her you're lesbian now, there's no need for you to do that for quite a while. Bisexuals have girlfriends too, right? IMHO you really do need to grasp the nettle and discuss your sexuality properly with her, though. You've already come out, and by the sound of things, your mother is doing the old parental trick of "If I pretend it was never said, it didn't happen." Well, it DID happen, mom: your daughter, whom you love and who loves you, is not heterosexual and NEEDS you to at least acknowledge the fact.

    Sorry if I'm sounding a bit shouty - obviously, you know your mother and I don't - but if you sit down and have a proper heart-to-heart with her about this, she might get upset - temporarily - but at least she will no longer be able to pretend it doesn't exist.
     
  10. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    Thank you for your thoughts. And don’t worry, I know you aren’t trying to be harsh and your advice is kindly meant.❤️ You’re right, I wish we could just talk about this, the trouble is I don’t know where to start and I’m too much of a coward to bring it up on my own. I just don’t know how to talk about something like that in a natural way, and I’m afraid it’ll end up being something like my hair that tries to shove me out of the closet again which even though I’m technically not in I still feel like I am. I just don’t know what is worse, letting her guess these things on her own or just fessing up and gaining some semblance of control. I don’t know. I would rather not deal with this and I know that’s my problem but this just feels like a potential aggravation to a deeper problem.
     
  11. Guarani
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    You are not responsible for your mothers happiness. You don´t have to make or keep her happy. And most parents are happy when they know their kid is happy, so that is your task, make sure you do the things that make you happy...

    As for bringing up stuff, I would just ask if she would like to meet your girlfriend or "can I bring my girlfriend over for dinner this weekend ?" or something like that.
    There is no need to literally tell her you are a lesbian.
    I never understood the need of telling ones label to parents anyway, one can just introduce them to your lovers... they´ll figure it out.

    You could also be defiant and tell her "I´ll have my hair short, you might think that is for lesbians, well, guess what, I am."
     
  12. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    Lol thank you for the last comment! That made me smile. I wish I could introduce her to her but my girlfriend is also closeted and she’s long distance. We actually met online and thats why I haven’t told my parents. Because that’s another thing they’d not be happy about. Because they would think I was being taken advantage of or something so they wouldn’t approve. So yeah, I guess this is just a big can of worms after all.
    --- Double Post Merged, Aug 20, 2019 ---
    Basically my mother doesn’t know anything about this side of my personal life. And I don’t feel like I can tell her any of this until I’m no longer living here.
     
    #12 Love4Ever, Aug 20, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019
  13. Thespis
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    Love4Ever, I'm going to risk annoying the hell out of you now by trotting out that thing you already know: you're TWENTY TWO, not twelve! :D 

    P.S.: Are you living under your parents' roof, or do you have your own place? Are you dependent on them for money or something?
     
  14. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    Yes to both. I live at home and I just got a low paying minimum wage job. So yeah, I’m dependent.
     
  15. Thespis
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    Rats. :( 
    I still maintain that you should go "out and proud" on the hairdo, though. :cool:  I hear tell that tress-lopping is legal between consenting adults nowadays. ;) 
     
  16. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    So for anyone who wants to know, I got my hair chopped yesterday and I’m really happy about it. :)  My mom actually shocked me by really liking it. She said she’d actually prepared herself for it being even shorter and she liked what I did with it. So yeah, I think from now on I won’t worry so much about what she thinks. She seems to accept that it’s my hair and I can cut it however I like.
     
  17. Thespis
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    ....aaaand relax. :cool: 

    After all that angst, too - parents are SO disappointing! :D 
     
  18. Guarani
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    Thanks for the update!
     

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