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Making Genuine Friends

Discussion in 'Important life issues other than LGBT' started by Mallow, Feb 23, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Mallow
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    Mallow Hot Cookie
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    I have always been shy and socially awkward. I've never been awesome at making friends.

    Since I've come out, I've been trying to make some new friends and I'm really struggling. People that I am objectively friendly towards just ignore me. I had one person just block me all together and all I said was "Hello!"

    This makes me feel so small and lonely. Even people that do message me back end up flaking on me after a bit. It's hard not to take it personal.

    Does anyone have any suggestions or can anyone at least relate so I know I'm not alone in this?
     
  2. Jo A
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    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Welcome to the site and family.

    We do not judge and there a lots of nice people and lots of things you can read and get involved in.

    I am sorry I have no magic for you but I would suggest you just keep being you and embrace you are quiet and in time you find you grove.

    More nice people will be along soon.

    Peace and be you - Jo
     
  3. Kricket
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    I also have no advice, but can certainly relate. I've not had any genuine, local friends for many years. As an introvert who suffers from anxiety, making friends is far from easy for me. I miss having good friends.

    Best wishes!
     
  4. Lv4music

    Lv4music Dedicative Contributor
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    Hey Mallow, I can totally relate. I'm sure many people can. I have a heck of a time trying to make new friends and meet new people. And it does hurt to feel rejected. I've been trying for a long time, but my anxiety trips me up so bad that I can hardly function when meeting face to face with people. It also takes a toll on my self-esteem when it happens. But I wait till I gain some confidence back , get up and do it again. I feel pretty good about myself for that.
    What has been working for me is just waiting for my good days. Days that I feel strong and have a good energy...those are better days for me to try to talk to and initiate a friendship with someone. Don't get me wrong... I still haven't really made any new friends, but if I try when I'm feeling more confident and positive, it doesn't hurt me as much to deal with a little rejection. It's hard to break through that anxiety. The people you would want to be friends with should understand. I wish you the best of luck. You definitely are not alone. Keep trying

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    #4 Lv4music, Feb 27, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  5. Mallow
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    Mallow Hot Cookie
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    You're right, I've made a few friends since posting this and they seem to be genuine. I suppose I just needed a bit more patience

    Thank you, friend. I'm sure with patience and time the right people will come a long

    That is a great way of looking at things! I can utilize that good day energy to help myself along for sure. Thank you :) 
     
  6. jan Siluwetun

    jan Siluwetun Lurker

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    Wow. This hits me hard. I am not sure if this will help, I hope it does...

    A couple of years ago I had such a hard time making friends at work. And I'd like to believe that I tried - really really hard. And I did. But in the end I was just rejected by the group that I thought would like to be friends with me. I was sad, and didn't really know what to do, so instead of making an effort about making friends with the people that rejected me, I focused on myself instead.

    I started to exercise, getting off from work on time, taking lunch breaks outside and walking in the park alone during weekends. I focused on things that makes me happy when I am alone... Eventually, people just started making friends with me... And these are people that I never thought I would be friends with before.

    I did not get to be friends with the people that I thought I would be friends with. I guess we were just too different. It's not that there's anything wrong with me, we just don't have much things in common really. But I did get to have friends that are more like me and who gets me and accepts me.

    So I guess, focus on the things that makes you happy by yourself, and just be open to accept people may present themselves to be your friend. Choose people that choose you.

    I hope it helps. If it doesn't, feel free to ignore it. Each of our situation is different... But I really do wish you the best!
     
  7. Bornunderabadsign
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    Bornunderabadsign Non-binary Natural Disaster
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    Hi and welcome to the forum if I haven't welcomed you already.

    It can be hard to make true friends. It is hard enough to find people with similar interests without the compounded issue of finding someone that is comfortable around LGBTQ+ people. In the past I've had issues and still have issues with finding local people that I share interests with that are also cool with me being LGBTQ+. I've had much better luck online. All I can say is good luck and that I'm always willing to lend an ear.
     
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  8. Octavio

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    Hey you are not alone i am very shy too and i haven't came out from everyone to find that i am bi because i have a feeling they are going to judge me and i am already getting judge on every single day when school used to be open and now i am getting hate on social media like 24/7 and to be honest with i don't know what to do anymore most people tells me that i should killed myself whats the point staying here you are so ugly and i get upset so fast thats why i took a break from social media and by chance can we be friends dont really have that much friends i am sometimes a loner in school and i always get dish in school with the friends i used to be friends
     
  9. Glamrock-Ella

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    Hi friends,
    All of the above comments have really resonated with me and I have experienced the intense social anxiety and brain freeze that happens when I try to make friends. Sometimes, when I'm really low, I can't even go outside without intense anxiety and feeling like I'm being judged for being different. I'm introverted and that means I'm already a freak to the mainstream society, without adding the social awkwardness. All I can say is that it gets easier as you get older. I have extreme social anxiety disorder and even with meds it took me till I was 40 to start to feel like it doesn't matter what people think. Self acceptance happens gradually but it does eventually happen. I still have very bad days (especially under stress, like during this virus) but as I get older I can break through the negativity with less difficulty. I also allow myself to be different and embrace it. For example, I accept that I'm a homebody. I accept that I'm kind of a nerd. I have learned to be ok with who I actually am and as a result, I'm finding it easier to talk to people. A couple of my acquaintances are slowly becoming my friends.

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  10. Glamrock-Ella

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    Octavio: I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. I had the same experience in school and I want you to know that some people are just mean and they do not deserve your attention. Believe in yourself, you will find your soul mates and life will get better. Have faith and only listen to positive thoughts. Toxic people prey on people like us for energy. Don't give them a second thought and keep your strength. We are all in this together.

    Sent from my EML-L09 using Tapatalk
     
  11. Octavio

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    I know theirs always going to be haters everywhere but we can't do nothing about it and how old are you and to be honest life is very hard because there's going to be hate on the earth we are living but the only thing we could do its just ignored it and yeah you right we are in this together.
     
  12. Octavio

    Octavio Hot Cookie
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    anyways its fine no worries and being a teen is very hard because theirs some people that are your friends but they turn fake so quick this is the reason why i just hangout by myself and is ok we could be friends
     
  13. mr.Nay Nay
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    Howdy Mallow I've had that similar experience before, where I try to make friends, for me it takes time since I've been cautious and had my guard up most of the time especially if I'm in a new area.
     
  14. Octavio

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    yeah i get you but i am just so shy making new friends and the school my moved me to rfk in high school a lot of people who i don't know would just want fun of me about my sexuality a lot and it just hurts and i don't know what to do no more and at least i am done with high school already just finished this year but now i am just scared going to college now what happens if all the people who bully in high school might still pick on me again like i try to define myself every single day but the only thing they want is just want to fight me and i know i am not scared to fight but i am that type of person who thinks fighting is not the answer
     
  15. the-other-dave

    the-other-dave Curious Explorer
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    I've had similar experiences. I've met people who seemed like they would be my ideal friends - we had lots in common and I enjoyed their company and getting to know them, but when I tried to take the friendship further, they ignored me. I felt like I outlived my usefulness to them. That feeling really depressed me, it made me feel like I did something wrong, or that I just was not good enough. It made me doubt my self worth.

    Whereas the people who have become good friends are people I would not have imagined being close to. Some of them are people I hardly have anything in common with. Yet they've been there for me. They don't ignore me or make me feel useless. They look out for me. So we can discover the good and bad in people when we least expect it.
     

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