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(M) I love my girlfriend but I'm afraid being with her won't let me experience bisexuality.

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by Human-Kun, Jun 13, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Human-Kun

    Human-Kun Lurker

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    So I'm a male, and 19. I've knows I was I for a few years now and always thought I'd get to experiment a little, experience life before settling down. But around seven months ago I met this girl, and we hit it off straight away. We immediately became great friends and soon enough fell into a relationship (I told her I was bi on the first day we met, she's cool with it. She's straight as train tracks though). And over that time we've fallen more and more in love. It's amazing, we have ups and downs but always sort it out. As we get closer and our relationship gets more serious I've begun to think more about the other side of life, the other side of my coin. And I'm afraid that I'll never get to experience bisexuality, I'll never get to fully experience life. But I love this girl and she loves and we can have an amazing life together. But I feel like I'm cutting a part of myself off. I've spoken about this to her and she took it like he champ she is. I really do respect her even more for it. She said that she's trying to understand what I'm going through, she said that she knows that I'll be unhappy and offered to break up cleanly with her. But I don't know if I want to. She's the best thing that's happened to me and I don't want to give it up for a dream of being able to experience both sides of life. She also offered to 'wait for me', as in let me experience life then get back together but I refused because I can't do one night stands, go mess around then come back. That's an awful thing to do. What we settled on was to give our relationship another go. It's what we both want. But she and I both believe I won't be truly happy in this. But I want to be. I really do. I just don't know what to do. On one hand I'll be losing the greatest person I've ever known, on the other I'll be essentially cutting off a part of myself and never getting to experience life to the fullest. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much and sorry for the essay.
     
  2. Blacktgirlanimefan

    Blacktgirlanimefan Black lives matter and animation for life
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    Maybe you're poly?

    A poly romantic relationship might be your best hope, but only of she's OK with it.
     
  3. mask1985
    Dreaming

    mask1985 Shy bi guy
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    Hi Human-Kun
    This is not an uncommon feeling for many bisexual girls and guys of all ages. Many do not feel truly bisexual unless they have experienced some sort of relationship with their own sex.

    To have found "the one" at 19 whatever a person's orientation is less common and you are right to be hesitant and ask this kind of question.

    Your girlfriend sounds very understanding which is great as a lot of girls won't date bi guys because they think they will be dumped for another guy. Effectively she has given you her blessing to experiment a little before committing to her maybe at some point in the future. Plenty of bi guys would be envious of your situation so don't be too quick to dismiss it.

    As Blacktgirlanimefan suggests maybe a poly relationship would work.

    Ultimately I get the feeling that if you stay with your girlfriend exclusively now you will always have the unfulfilled feeling eating away at you and long term this will make you miserable. It may also be more difficult to explore this side of you later on if it might risk splitting up a family home for example.

    The bottom line is you're still very young and if it was me I would think a bit more about experiencing more of life before making any sort of commitment, as difficult as that may be for you.

    Welcome to the tough side of bi life. :) 
     
  4. BiGenderfluid
    Feminine

    BiGenderfluid Great Learner
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    Have you asked her if she would allow for you to have a boyfriend in addition to her to satisfy this side of you, where she would be the only girl you ever get with, but you can have freedom to get with a male that is cute etc? Myself I am bisexual and I too need both a male and female in my life. But because I am worried about STDs, I have had flings and long relationships online and for me it has filled that gaping hole that I feel inside to be with a same sex relationship. I registered myself online on IMVU as AP and this gives me access to other adults of same adult interests and no worries about minors. I also have had friends with benefits and relationships on Second Life and once I find someone really special we then send each other pictures of each other and if the magic is there we go further and skype with each other and that is the safest way to fulfill needs without actually meeting someone. Maybe your girlfriend might be into being with you online as you get with some guy and it can be an intimate thing where she can watch or interact with you while you also interact with him in a skype call or something. It all depends on your and her comfort level as well as if you want to be completely alone with a male or dont mind her watching or interacting with you while interacting with him, as well as the guy on the other side of the skype call also being completely aware that you have a girlfriend and she is watching if she is etc to be completely open and truthful. You might be able to have skype cyber fun and this isnt cheating but its spice in the relationship. Additionally depending on what your into your girlfriend might be able to use toys with you that gives her a male role in the bedroom which might be fun for you if she is into toys and doing things with you as if she was a guy etc.
     
  5. Thickk
    Gloomy

    Thickk Curious Explorer
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    Hey man, let me put it to you this way. If you're not ready to finish sowing your wild oats when you need to break it off with this girl. Having a relationship where you feel like you're "missing out" on something isn't a healthy relationship. Now, maybe you could bring up the idea of having a threesome if she's comfortable with that sort of thing, but if she isn't, then you need to break it off before you make her become even more emotionally involved and hurt her more. Don't be miserable just to make someone else happy, and DO NOT make her wait for you just so you can have a more diverse sex life. That's just shitty. I'm telling you all of this from experience, man.
     
  6. Blacktgirlanimefan

    Blacktgirlanimefan Black lives matter and animation for life
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    Poly relationship might be good for you.
     
  7. AliceR
    No Mood

    AliceR Reliable Advisor
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    What you are feeling is normal, and you will probably feel that way your entire life as a bisexual, whether you experience with the same sex or not.

    As a bisexual who has never experienced the same sex, I can tell you that it is frustrating.
    I am not sure if I would be more frustrated if I had tried the same sex.
    My guess is yes because then I would know what I'm missing out on.
    I will let other people who are bi, married, and who have experienced with the same sex answer that one because I don't know...

    Maybe see if she would be willing to let you have a boyfriend while dating her. That depends on her. Many women don't mind. Some do. Or, if you are willing to share her, if she would be willing to let you have a boyfriend that you would be willing to share with her. I mean, it's only fair... Once again, many women would be fine with that. But it requires a really strong relationship based on solid trust.

    Finding someone special is more important than sex.
    And I can tell you now (like I said before) that you will probably (and by "probably," I mean "almost certainly") feel this type of frustration your entire life even if you try other men. It's both our blessing and our curse as bisexuals... ;-)
    But remember that being in a mono-relationship is daunting for everyone.
    If you were straight and had only been with her, you would probably feel the same way and wonder how it is with other girls too. It's normal to be scared.

    You're still young. You don't need to get married tomorrow. Just see where life leads you.
     

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