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Lost courage for searching for the right therapist?

Discussion in 'Health - Physical/Mental' started by Hatelove, Sep 19, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Hatelove

    Hatelove Reliable Contributor
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    It took me a lot of courage to admit the need for help and actually walk into therapists offices
    My first therapist was a disaster. She was good at what she does, she understood my culture and why I was feeling overwhelmed. But she was egotistical and shamed for crying as a defensive mechanism when I questioned what she said to me. I knew right then that she wasn’t a good therapist. Even though she was really good but I couldn’t tolerate disrespect.
    My second therapist I was too afraid to cry in front of him. My first therapist really caused me to be afraid to be vulnerable which is something I already struggle with in real life I thought therapy is a safe place. I was too worried and did not cry which prevented me from talking about what really bothered me. On top of that he cannot see things from my perspective like he gets this blank stare like I am talking about a different planet. He pushes me to focus on the future while I really need to talk about the past the things i have been bottling for years. I mean he was good at telling me how to start to establish boundaries with others in my life but thats about it. I still struggle with PTSD getting nightmares and flashbacks and I cannot discuss them with him. My life also had major transformations and many connections became toxic and I need help but I gave up on this therapist.
    Now I don’t know if its even worth it to keep trying to look for another one. I mean i am too depressed because I feel the need to talk with a therapist but feel like no one would really match my needs.
     
  2. john1010101
    Old Hag

    john1010101 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Matching your needs can cover a huge range of concerns. Given you’re posting on a forum for LGBT folk etc my suggestion is you contact a local LGBT etc organisation in your area, or in the nearest city , ask them to recommend a sympathetic therapist. OK, not all queer sympathetic practitioners are perfect but you have a far higher chance of succeeding in finding an understanding one by searching this way.

    As to any therapist who pushes you to talk about the future rather than discussing things you want and need to discuss you have been botting up for years, that’s often part and parcel of behavioral therapy and some other kinds. This approach is seldom effective when past trauma is still churning you up inside.
    Anyhow, you’ve come to an important understanding already that many fail to make. That is, some therapists are worse than a waste of time, they can trigger a sense of hopelessness you don’t need added to your existing concerns.
     
  3. AhhDenial

    AhhDenial Dedicative Contributor
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    Yea it's hard, can I ask, do you prefer a male or female therapist? I used to prefer female therapists, but I'm starting to think maybe a male one is better, not sure, have a lot of trust issues with men, plus it's real hard to open up to them.

    All of my therapists pretty much did the same thing and I thought it was working somewhat but never stuck around long enough. Anyone that's judgy or disrespectful just ain't gonna work, they're in the wrong line of work if that's how they treat clients.
     
  4. PeterStrigidae

    PeterStrigidae Greenhorn

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    Hi hatelove, First of all Bravo to you for actually finding a therapist. It means you are already going to try the first hurdle. I agree with everyone here. You should keep trying in finding the right therapist for you.
    I don't understand what you are struggling with but I hope you understand your issue. My only suggestion is try to be as open as you can be. If they are not accommodating enough fuck them and look for someone else. They are paid to help you in a way that you are comfortable with. Sometimes I do understand why some therapist will push you harder beyond your limit but that basically how therapy works. Push it till you make it.
    I'm not a therapist but hopefully sharing something in the forum could help or just write it somewhere if its too personal for you. Still being open could help wonders.
     
  5. Corvus
    Chatty

    Corvus I'm just me ^_^
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    Hello Hatelove; I can relate so much to your post and I'm in the same situation as you. I was abused my whole childhood by my parents and I have a bunch of traumas, PTSD, severe OCD, suicidal tendencies and don't get me started on trust issues.
    So I went to a psychiatrist...we were actually making progress on the OCD front when she asked if I wanted to go out for dinner with her and "who knows what the night will bring"....yes, I was still a patient of hers at the time she asked me out. She was promptly reported and I swore off therapists.

    Years later I found myself trying again. This time a male psychiatrist...he helped me SO much...with the suicidal tendencies, the trauma, making goals for myself...I was so so happy with him...I had been been in treatment for a year and my life was improving so much. Then one day I told him I was trans...dear lord did that man do a 180 on me...I was shocked to silence when he started yelling at me and shouting transphobic BS at me for 15 minutes. I never went back.

    Now I'll have to find yet another therapist to approve of my medical transition and I'm trying to stay positive. I see it as me having had therapy with 2 very flawed individuals who did their best for me and I'm not going to throw away the positive development I've had with both of them just because of how it ended. Did it shake my trust? Absolutely. Am I looking forward to trying again? Definitely not. But all in all I'm still in a much better place mentally and accepted that one person might not be able to help me solve everything and I'm not giving up on getting help; maybe you shouldn't either <3
     

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