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Looking for advice figuring out sexuality

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Rome, Mar 24, 2020 at 9:57 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Rome

    Rome Lurker

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    I’m 16/yo female really confused about sexuality.
    For most of childhood, romantic interest was only on boys. My crushes would be really obsessive and most of them rejected me. Then, when puberty hit, I started feeling an attraction to girls. Not a crush, more like physical attraction and pull. There was almost never any emotional attraction to the same sex. But recently, I’ve started thinking, “am I really sexually attracted to men?” It feels like more of a no.
    And the attraction to boys has kind of faded now. It might be temporary, maybe not.
    And the attraction for androgynous women and non-binary people is growing a little.
    It’s confusing because before, when trying to imagine having a girlfriend, there was this sort of mental flinch that said “Don’t go there.” Not sure what it meant, maybe a sign of unattraction.
    Maybe I’m romantically/emotionally attracted to masculinity, but it would be really helpful to get someone else’s take on this and advice. Thanks
     
  2. starlightprincess

    starlightprincess Addictive Contributor
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    I def. understand 100 percent about the boy crushes when you were younger. I was the exact same way and also had pretty obsessive ones. I feel like I wanted to be in a romantic relationship a LOT sooner than most people, like we are talking 5th grade. I did (although I didn't really realize it back then) also have crushes on girls, but they were more mild, maybe because I didn't know girls could be with girls. When I got to high school, I started to worry that my best friend and I loved each other more than we should. We had a VERY close and intense relationship and we started to get anxious because we thought there was no way in hell that we could be lesbian or bi. She comes from a very religious family (father is a pastor) and my extended family is very conservative and religious. She told me we had to push those feelings away, try to stop them from happening and then we'd be fine. Maybe she was able to do that, but I never did. When I was 24, it finally hit me one night that this whole time, I was in love with her. I never felt sexual attraction to her beyond the fact that I did want to be touched by her, I was just romantically and emotionally attracted. Soon after, I met a girl at school and I felt EVERYTHING for her, so I know I can be sexually attracted and emotionally attracted to a girl. I was never sexually attracted to guys though=( I too haven't really liked any guys period for a number of years now, but there could be a few personal reasons for that. I guess my main point is sexuality is fluid, it fluctuates all the time. You may feel more attracted to guys for awhile and then it may change to both girls and guys, then it may change to girls, ect. Its also different from person to person, just as no 2 people are the same. Its also totally fine to still be wondering about yourself. It may take a few more years to fully know. Also, you don't need a label, especially when you are still trying to figure things out. If its too pressuring, don't worry about it.
     
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  3. Jo A
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    Jo A The Legend of LGBT
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    Welcome to a safe place to be and find you.

    Listen to Star, she is a very grounded person.

    The most important thing is to love, embrace and accept You.

    Wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for here.
     
  4. Rome

    Rome Lurker

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    Yeah that makes sense, your story helped thank you :) 
     
  5. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    What it meant is that you'd really prefer to be straight -- and who wouldn't? Things have gotten a lot better for us in recent years, but the old prejudice and discrimination still exist - and most of us couldn't help internalizing many of society's negative attitudes as we were growing up. That sets up internal conflicts -- and one classic way to handle internal conflicts is denial.

    You tell yourself, "Don't go there" because "going there" makes you too uncomfortable. The problem is that the denial can make you even more uncomfortable because you're denying your real self and suppressing your real needs

    You're allowed to imagine anything you damned well please; so tell your self-censor to shut the hell up -- and "go there." Just take a deep breath or two, and let your imagination do it's thing. Nobody has to know but you. Learn to be comfortable with your fantasies, and you'll be ready to make them real when the right time comes.
     

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