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Loneliness

Discussion in 'Important life issues other than LGBT' started by Doc, Dec 22, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Doc
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    Doc Dedicative Contributor
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    I think I've always been lonely. Maybe there were times that I wasn't or at least didn't feel it as acutely but for the most part, I have been so lonely that I often wonder what's the point of doing anything.

    Even if I get to experience some part of life, there's no one to tell it to. So it's like it didn't happen. Sometimes way after the fact, I can work it into the conversation somewhere...but my life still feels so empty.

    I feel like I have to imagine relationships and conversations to fill the void. I like writing and watching TV for that reason. I'd like reading too, but I have trouble staying interested in books.

    There are just things I miss out on, like movies I want to see but it's not enjoyable going alone. When I was in a relationship, it was like the first time in years, maybe ever in my adulthood, that I actually experienced life. I can go do these things and be in a relationship in my imagination but unfortunately, it isn't quite the same. Maybe it would have been better to have not been in a relationship and so not know all the things I was missing when it came to relationships, family, and life in general. I don't know; I'd still be lonely either way.
     
  2. AlexWynters
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    AlexWynters Greenhorn

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    I feel alone too...

    I know the feeling of wanting so desperately to share your life with someone. I've never had that and its hard for me to even approach new people anymore.
    I've only had one friend for the last three years and I don't even know how I managed that, but she lives in another town so I don't often get to see her in person and messenger just isn't the same.
     
  3. Doc
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    Doc Dedicative Contributor
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    Even with friends I have none of them really know me. For those I've gotten close to, if I let them get to know me they don't really believe me...at least with the gender stuff. I just feel invisible I guess. And since I'm not truly seen, I can't really bond with people. I don't know...it's hard to explain.
     
  4. Butterfly88
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    Butterfly88 Has fallen 87 times and stood up 88
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    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. It's very possible to be lonely around people when you are around people who don't understand. It sounds like your friends don't understand your gender issues. You should see if there is a transgender group in your area or even a general LGBT group. You can look for privately run groups on meetup, enter your zip code and try searching transgender or LGBT.

    https://www.meetup.com/

    Also there could be an LGBT center or organization in your area that has groups. Trying doing a Google search.

    I hope you are able to find something to help alleviate your loneliness.
     
  5. Doc
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    Doc Dedicative Contributor
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    There is a large trans+ group here but I feel lonely there too. They all know each other and I don’t really fit in. There are too many people for me to really say much in the support group. When they break out into smaller groups, people talk to their friends. I don’t want to interrupt so I end up often not saying anything. Talking about names and pronouns out loud is still very uncomfortable for me but I doubt anyone understands.
     
  6. Butterfly88
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    You wouldn't be interrupting by talking to them. Plus some people like to meet new people so that could be true for some of the existing group members. I tend to think somebody would understand it's hard for you to talk about names and pronouns as I'm sure at least some of them went through that at some time. Also, who runs the group? If there is a leader maybe he/she/they can introduce you to someone in the group so you can feel more comfortable there.
     
  7. Doc
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    Doc Dedicative Contributor
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    I also just realized that I wouldn't be able to go to any of those support groups or social events as they're on Tuesdays and I'll be busy on Tuesdays for at least a couple of months.

    Oh well...I just got to be okay with not being out. It was a lot easier to be in denial when I was in a relationship where I had to be. Maybe I can have that again as it seems to be the only option...at least the only option where I'll be the least miserable at this point. And I would at least be a little less lonely.
     
  8. AudryLeigh
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    Hey Doc,

    Not being able to stay interested in books is a symptom of ADD/ADHD, which often goes undiagnosed in adults. I've heard it said that you can recognize a person with ADD by looking at their book shelf. If there's a bookmark 1/4 to 1/2 the way into most of their books, they probably have ADD. I have it, and that is the case with my bookshelf.

    I conquered loneliness by getting into Karaoke. By the very nature of the beast, Karaoke crowds tend to be very open, friendly, and non-judgmental. I had almost no friends until I started going to Karaoke regularly, now I have a LOT of good Karaoke friends, and quite a few who have become good friends outside of Karaoke. You don't have to sing -- a lot of people just go for the social aspects, and to listen. Karaoke is usually in bars, but you don't have to be a drinker either -- I drink soda. Also, pretty much nobody gets drunk at Karaoke, Some people have to have a drink or two in order to get up the courage to sing, but nobody gets drunk (can't sing when you're drunk, and you pretty much get cut off socially if you get noticeably tipsy). Some Karaoke clubs (bars) also have gambling and pool, and sometimes part of the bar is dedicated to big screen sporting events, and sometimes those people will get obnoxious, but if they come into the Karaoke part of the bar, the crowd will drive them out, or the management will kick them out (Karaoke makes a LOT of money for the bar/club owner, especially if they have good food, so they don't tolerate people who are disruptive to the Karaoke scene). Some Karaoke bars are dismal and no fun, but most of them are genuinely good places for even geeks, nerds, social misfits, and LGBT+ people. We have a large LGBT population in my town, and Karaoke seems to be disproportionately popular with them, and the non-LGBT part of the crowd is always more than accepting. I'm a trans woman, and because of my singing voice, everyone knows that I'm trans, but I'm one of the most popular people in the crowd. If I miss a week (I go 4 to 6 nights a week to 4 different bars), half the crowd will ask me if I'm OK -- did something bad happen to keep me away the week before. I have sometimes severe depression but often make myself go anyway because it ALWAYS makes me feel better, and if I show up looking anything less than fabulous, again half the bar will come over to see if there's anything they can do to help. Also, all the Karaoke crowds I'm familiar with are very physical -- that is there is a lot of hugging that goes on. Walk in the door and you'll get a hug from everyone you know, nail a song and people will line up to give you hugs and pats on the back. Even people who can't carry a tune in a bucket get positive feedback. Also, MANY people I know who insisted they could NOT sing, or would not sing in public are now show stoppers. It's much easier to get up and give it a try, after you've heard a person or two totally butcher a song (shoot, I can't do any worse than they just did), and first time singers are always treated like heros, regardless of how good or terrible they are. I have a good friend who very reluctantly, after going for a couple of months got up and squeaked out a song, and then did just the one song, every few weeks for many months. Today, she sings Opera, as well as many Rat Pack era classics, and some modern songs. She has one of the best singing voices in the county, but thoroughly believed she couldn't sing (at all) until she finally gave it a try at Karaoke. Anyway, Karaoke is the best social activity I know of, especially for shy, withdrawn or otherwise socially clumsy people. You might want to give it a try. If you try it and don't like it, try another bar or club some are much better than others.

    Hugs,
    Audry Leigh
     
  9. JingleBells

    JingleBells jιngle
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    Here you go!



    [​IMG]
     
    #9 JingleBells, Jan 14, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2020

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