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lesbian except for one specific boy (i feel awful)

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by meanwhile, Jan 4, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. meanwhile

    meanwhile *pernamentlyshrugging*

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    age? 20
    sexual orientation? closeted lesbian
    are you sure? no.
    is it a phase? no.
    but have you dated boys? yes, two.
    so you liked boys? yes, but it wasn't right.
    have you ever fallen in love with a boy?

    yes. and this is the problem and what /mainly/ stops me from coming out. I shall expand. I am (dormantly) in love with a v.close friend who I have had a crush on since i was 13. he used to feel the same way, and sometime i still think he does but he has had girlfriends for the better part of four years, and when he was single; i wasn't - so we have never done anything and probably never will.

    But while i dream about girls (i want to marry a one, watch television, have sex, have fights over me eating dry cereal in bed et cetera) - but what stops me from being exclusively a lesbian is this boy (^). And saying I'm bi feels incorrect. Because I would only ever go out with this one guy versus going out with any girl ever (can you tell i've never kissed a girl?) and i hate the boy anatomy and that also troubles me with the thought of dating this boy, but he was the first crush i ever had and maybe my infatuation with him is based on nostalgia because of being so confused at that age (and now but nvm).

    Idk. I just wanted to see if this thing happens to others and if you think I could still label myself as a lesbian with mixed feelings for one boy. I can't come out to my mum if there's the slightest possibility of me dating him in the future, and I want to kiss a girl so i can be double sure and not be making this all up in my head.
     
    #1 meanwhile, Jan 4, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2017
  2. anonymous3.14

    anonymous3.14 Hot Cookie
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    One thing you might consider is that being bi doesn't necessarily mean that you like both genders equally. You can identify as bisexual and strongly prefer girls over boys. However, labels are all about making you feel comfortable. If you like calling yourself bi, then don't feel any pressure to do so. A different term that might apply to you is "homoflexible". It basically means that you are primarily a lesbian, but can be attracted to boys in very rare and specific scenarios.
    Don't forget that sexualities can change and you don't even have to give yourself a label if you don't want to. Good luck!
     
  3. naturegal
    Zorro

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    perhaps you are a bi-romantic lesbian?
    I know labels seem really important, but you don't really have to force one on yourself if you aren't sure.
     
  4. Arthur Dent

    Arthur Dent Lurker

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    Sometimes whatever governs your sexual orientation simply makes an exception for a person.
    Happened to me :/
     
  5. angel70
    Supportive

    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Just because you're a lesbian doesn't mean you can't love a man. Most likely, if you got a look at his junk, it would repulse you just as much as any other man's -- but love doesn't automatically involve sexual attraction. Hell, I totally love my dog!

    Keep the guy as a loving friend -- he's likely to outlast many a female heartthrob.
     
  6. cplolo
    Chicken

    cplolo Bro
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    Think of it this way. If a straight woman, who only dated men all her life, and only saw herself settling down with a man, happened to fall in love with a particular woman at one point, would you consider her bisexual? I wouldn't.

    Sexuality is really much more complicated than picking one of many labels. Incidental attraction to a certain gender doesn't need to define how you see yourself or how you want others to see you, in terms of orientation.

    I would say though that since you've not explored physically with either sex.... perhaps you should let yourself do that before drawing conclusions.
     
  7. TheAnswerGirl
    Cheeky

    TheAnswerGirl Stealthily stalking about
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    Don't overthink it, doll. First, unimportantly, labels are not for everyone. You are who you are, it does not have to be your burden to classify yourself.

    Second, importantly, you want what you want. Why struggle to reconcile or justify your desires? If your list of desirables is 99 women and one male, then your list of desirables is 99 women and one male. There is no mystery, no wondering, no second guessing. You are not here on this earth to live up to someone elses idea of who or what a person should be or to what a person should aspire. You are uniquely you. Relieve yourself of this unnecessary burden, take a deep breath, and step forward.
     
  8. professornerdbird

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    Your sexual orientation shouldn't be specifies by only one gender. Straight girls have "girl crushes" all the time! Just follow your own path.
     

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