1. Like the site? Help us keep it running! For $5 you can help keep the site running smoothly and disable ads for life. The site is funded by donations like this and minimal ad revenue: Click here to donate $5. Thank you!

Just questioning my role as a parent

Discussion in 'For Parents or Guardians of LGBT+ Children' started by Lucy72, May 15, 2019.  |  Print Topic

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 7 users.
  1. Lucy72

    Lucy72 Lurker

    Joined:
    May 15, 2019
    Messages:
    1
    Ratings:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Please, no bashing. My dd came out as gay at 14. We gave her love and acceptance. Our love is unconditional. She is now 17. Since then she has been gay, bi, and pan. She has dated a couple girls, 1 boy, and 1 trans boy. All relationships were long ago and very quick. Nothing deep. Her most recent crush was a boy. He rejected her and she cried and immediately stated “we’ll, I guess I’m gay again!” I just gave her my love, told her that my heart had been broken many times too,etc. There is this part of me that wants to tell her that I don’t think it works that way but then I think maybe it does for her. I’m torn. I don’t want to say the wrong thing so I say nothing but I hate to see her hurting and I am her mom. I feel like she is very lonely and she has actually said as much. Before this recent crush she actually told me that she wished she had never said she was gay because no one will ask her out now. She will be going to college soon and I feel like I should reach out to her and tell her that if she is indeed not gay and wants boys to ask her out that she should maybe not shout out that she is. I’m just really torn. I know this is her life and her path but she is still a child and I am her mother. Should I keep my mouth shut? I hate seeing her so lonely. Anyone out there have any thoughts or guidance?
     
  2. Larry45
    Benevolent

    Larry45 Amateur bisexual
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    1,125
    Ratings:
    +854 / 0 / -2
    I would say that it isn’t necessary to tell people what you believe your sexuality is, especially if you are not sure yourself. I guess it’s too late for that. You don’t want to risk alienating her, but gentle guidance could be beneficial. As long as she is determining things for herself
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  3. Jo A
    Innocent

    Jo A Reliable Advisor
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2018
    Messages:
    665
    Location:
    WI
    Ratings:
    +647 / 0 / -0
    This would be best if you could offer your love and support, encourage her to love and respect herself and offer her access to a therapist to allow her an outlet to talk through what is going on in her life without the fear of being judged.

    Nothing is what you said shows me that you are anything but a caring parent.

    She is young and things do change as she grows and learns how things feel to her.

    Give her space, time and love, which what it sounds like you are doing.

    So give her a hug and tell her you are her to love and support her.

    Jo
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  4. Iwilldance

    Iwilldance Look! There's a girl dancing slowly in the shadow!
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    322
    Ratings:
    +278 / 0 / -0
    I do not know. I think neither will really harm her, as long as you make sure she understand that it truly doesnt matter to you what she is. What I am thinking of is rather telling her that

    1. She does not need to know her sexuality yet because it is still changing (because hormones and growing up)
    2. She does not at all need to find a boy/girlfriend yet. If she is lonely, friends might help her as much as a boyfriend. I am 19 and have never had neither boy nor girlfriend. But I am not lonely. Do not tell her to get friends (because that just comes when the right enviroment is there) but tell her that it is okay for her to not have anybody. Less than one third of people i know my age has had a real boyfriend or girlfrignd no matter sexuality.
    3. If she fancies a boy she can be the one asking him out. That will stop the problem with him thinking shes gay if she is not.

    you sound like a good parent.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  5. Freaky.Fiona

    Freaky.Fiona Dedicative Advisor
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2018
    Messages:
    419
    Ratings:
    +322 / 2 / -1
    All of the above. lol I went through similar things to her. From straight at 13, to bi by 14, to thinking I was lesbian at 17, then back to bi (though clearly leaning more to girls over guys) by 18. So much change happens at that age for many things. Hormones, trying to figure yourself out, life paths for a variety of things, so I'd just encourage her and not box her into one thing over the other with something like this. It's how I am with my children. :) 
     
  6. MechaFrankie
    Surrender

    MechaFrankie Well-Known Contributor
    Supporter Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2019
    Messages:
    308
    Location:
    Michigan USA
    Ratings:
    +344 / 0 / -2
    High school is not were life is going to stay focused, that's for sure. You say she is going to college soon. That will be a great place to start with a clean slate. So many young people are set on putting themselves into a box and putting a label on it. She needs to remove all the labels and just be herself. :)  give her love for sure.
     
  7. BiBiLife
    Happy

    BiBiLife Whatsername
    Beloved Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2019
    Messages:
    1,468
    Location:
    Inside my head
    Ratings:
    +1,738 / 2 / -4
    Hi Lucy,

    All you can do is reassure her that you love her no matter what her sexuality is. I know personally how hard it is to be rejected by a crush. I think she is still figuring it out, but she will get there. It helps so much to have a loving mom like you.

    BiBi
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List

Support the site and hide ads for life for $5. Click here to donate.

Share This Page