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i've told her i like her, i feel horrible help me?

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by confusedgirlii, Dec 3, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. confusedgirlii

    confusedgirlii Greenhorn

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    i will do my best to make this story short.
    There is this lesbian girl (she is my friend tho, we're not really really close but she is my friend) anyway we always kiss when we are drunk. She thinks i am a straight girl that loves fooling around with her. so it's just our 'thing' to fooling around with each other when we are drunk.
    When we got really drunk again, I have told her that i started developing feelings for her (After a few months), i just couldn't keep it for my self. She was shocked but flattered at the same time. She said she really didn't expect it, she asked me is this the first time i got feelings for a girl? i said yes (by the way it's not the first time that a straight girl fell for her, it happened to many to her that eventually broke her because all those 'straight' girls just used her as an 'experiment') <-- i feel like i am gonna be one of the girls. She asked how i'll figure if she is gonna ask me on a date? and i was quiet because i don't know, tbh i don't see myself ending up with a women (don't ask me why, i just don't). Then she said that she need to think about this for one night how to react about what i told her, because she said that she had promised her self not to date 'staight' girls again.

    The next day we talked again and she rejected me (not directly) she said that she has spoken to her friends and that her friends won't allow her to date another straight girls because she has hurted to much before and she said it's the best, especially for me, to not kiss with each other again. it's a shame because i like what we had, and the reason that i haven't told her before is because i am afraid it will change and it's exactly what happened. And i was afraid that our friendship will not be the same again, that things will get awkward.

    Before i hung out with her. now i have told her, i am scared to asked her to hang out because she will think that it's to soon to hang out because i still have feelings for her and she will take into account about it. and now i screw our friendship over too.. cause i know it won't be the same again i guess.. it's just like telling your best friend that you like him and the friendship will be different..

    i am still so confused, cause i still do not get answer about what she thinks about me? does she like me or not? has she rejected me because she doesn't like me? or to protect herself? i just don't want to be awkward and i just want still to be friends with her, i just don't know how to act when i see her again, i am just sad an confused, i obviously still liker her cause i couldn't get her out of my mind.. what do i need to do :( 
     
    #1 confusedgirlii, Dec 3, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
  2. Melodie
    Dreaming

    Melodie Greenhorn
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    I'm so sorry what you're going through because I would feel horrible in that kind of situation.
     
  3. MikaIsAHuman
    Elated

    MikaIsAHuman Human...maybe?
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    Speak to her. I know exactly where you are coming from, however, if you want to find out the deal between the two of you sit down and speak to her.

    You don't have to do it straight away but I would suggest planning a time where you two can sit down and talk about your whole situation together.

    Hope this helps at all.
    Mika.
     
  4. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Hi confusedgirlii,
    These are just my thoughts, of course, but based on how you've described things, I'm sure that her turning you down is NOT because she "doesn't like" you. I think she's doing it for exactly the reasons she's said: because she's been hurt before by "straight" girls who won't/can't commit and doesn't want to get hurt that way again, and it's good that she's being honest with you about her own needs. I'm sure, too, she will still want you as her friend - but without the kissing, because she's seen now that this messes with your emotions, blurs the lines of friendship and isn't fair on either of you. Be a good friend to her and any awkwardness will soon evaporate.

    The most telling line in your story is the part where you say "I don't see myself ending up with a woman." That tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it, because your friend is someone who, by the sound of it, needs proper commitment from a female partner, and no matter how nice the kissing-when-drunk might have been, I think you know in your heart that you can't offer her that commitment.

    Like I said, though, just my thoughts.
     
    #4 Thespis, Dec 3, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
  5. WGMAF?

    WGMAF? On the steep part of learning curve
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    Any other girls out there you would
    like to spend some time with❓
    Not drunk could yeald more solid
    data to help you to understand your
    desires and sexual self
    On the other hand speaking as a
    60 year old guy who hasn’t really
    been with another guy I’m not a
    TRUSTED SORCE‼️
    But I might try spending a stoned
    weekend in the sack with a girl
    and reevaluate afterwards

    An additional benefit may be
    than you truly enjoy yourself
    with another girl so your not
    quite as straight any more so
    the lover that turned you down
    as just trying girls out as an
    experiment now know your
    in it for real PROBLEM SOLVED✅

    Alternatively my sister would say
    that another girl having you
    could change her mind
    FASTER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK
    Just remember I AM JUST GUESSING ✅

    Good luck
     
  6. angel70
    Supportive

    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Straight girls don't get into relationships with lesbians for "experimental" purposes, or even just mess around. Girls who enjoy other girls are, at the very least, bi. The "straight" girls who worked out badly for your friend, weren't straight -- most likely, some residual, ingrained homophobia got them to freak out when their relationships with your friend started to get "too serious."

    What do you think? Would you be one of those girls, or can you see yourself in a long-term lesbian relationship? If you think you're likely to panic and back off, your friend is right about you -- but if you honestly can foresee yourself living a lesbian lifestyle, you should try to convince her that you're not actually straight.
     
  7. confusedgirlii

    confusedgirlii Greenhorn

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    Thankyou for replying, as i may say u really sound like her LOL, as if the person just said it to my self haha. As if u know her tho. And yeah she is a person who really need a proper commitment from someone. Thankyou for your advice, it’s true at the moment i can’t give that commitment to her. After thinking about it for so long i realise that i aim to maintain Our friendship, it is more important to me right now. I just don’t know how to act right now because now the vibe is just kinda weird because i just told her. Do u have any other advice to maintain the friendship?i really don’t want our friendship to be ruined because of this
     
  8. Christa85
    Anime Lover

    Christa85 Greenhorn
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    I can hear your pain. Since you told your friend she was the first girl you’ve liked, she may be afraid. She may think that since you were both intoxicated she may think it was just said in the heat of the moment. With her constantly getting hurt by dating girls who are straight and just experimenting, she probably thinks you will do the same thing to her.

    What I’m going to say next will most likely come across as harsh, but know that I only say it to help, and I truly feel your pain.

    If you say you don’t see yourself ending up with a girlfriend, it sounds like you are just experimenting. I understand having feelings for a woman and it being your first time liking a woman, but if you think you are going to end up not dating her seriously, then she will get hurt.

    In response to not understanding her response to you, she didn’t tell you how she felt. I cannot say how she feels, but it sounds like she may have feeling for you since she said her friends don’t want her to date another straight girl, but the only way to know for certain is to ask her.

    It sounds to me like you truly like this woman, then talk to her. If you do, be completely honest. Maybe ask What you can do to show you are truly interested. Or suggest going back to being just friends and truly get to know her. Just be sure you want to date her before you try taking about feelings.
     
  9. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    Gosh, that's a hard one to answer, and I'm probably not the best person to take advice from. Y'see, I lost a good male friend - a lovely, life-affirming gay man - many years ago because I made the mistake of allowing myself to have sex with him - sex that for me was just "friend with benefits" fun (which I thought he understood), but he fell for me very hard and although I did my best to let him down gently, it broke his heart and made any further friendship between us impossible (we did try to continue it as a no-sex friendship, but he couldn't bear it so we had to keep away from each other and eventually lost touch altogether). I never meant to hurt him, but to this day I've regretted being such a bloody selfish little fool. :( 

    Sorry, that's not much help to you, is it! Just be honest with her and hope for the best. That's all I can think of.
     
    #9 Thespis, Dec 4, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  10. confusedgirlii

    confusedgirlii Greenhorn

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    Hi thanks for ur reaction, what do u mean by this?could change her mind? Faster than i might think ?
     
  11. Thespis
    Balanced

    Thespis Blithe Spirit
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    I think that WGMAF? is suggesting you could make her jealous by having a relationship with another girl.
     
  12. WGMAF?

    WGMAF? On the steep part of learning curve
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    YOU HIT THAT NAIL ON THE HEAD✅‼️
     
  13. WGMAF?

    WGMAF? On the steep part of learning curve
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    Thinking the all or nothing approach that
    was mentioned is pretty far down the road
    A rich and fafiling life needs some exploration and experimentation
    Not trying to be an ASSHOLE HERE but
    if the person saying if your not willing
    to comment don’t even try WE DONT
    WANT YOU is pretty full of it when
    speaking to a very inexperienced person

    Or she is veiwing you as competition
     
  14. WGMAF?

    WGMAF? On the steep part of learning curve
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    Ok✅
    You are only 20 years old with a hole
    adult life in front of you
    For starters the human brain does
    not fully mature until the age of 26‼️

    You have had some fun with this lady
    and asked her to consider a more full
    Intimate relationship❤️

    Her friends have told her and it appears
    you that this is a bad idea✅
    Dating you, someone they view as just
    playing around with no possible chance
    of ameaningful relationship would likely
    not be good for her✅
    I get that especially since I think I read
    that she has been hurt and taken advantage of before✅

    On the other hand you are still FUNDAMENTALLY GROWING AND
    CHANGING and will continue to
    do so for the next FIVE YEARS✅

    Additionaly it appears you have no
    history of taking advantage of
    Lesbian harts just for fun with no
    interest in the person✅
    If you had I would tell my friend
    who was hurt in similar situations
    to steer clear of you also‼️‼️‼️

    Thus I think her friends are being
    Considerably harder on you than
    it appears you deserve✅

    It is very healthy and helpful to
    have close friends in your life to
    Help with many things and run
    stuff by✅m

    BUT IF HER FRIENDS ARE TELLING
    HER HOW TO THINK AND WHAT TO DO
    THATS A VERY MAJOR PROBLEM
    AND IF TRUE YOU ARE PROBABLY
    WAY WAY WAY BETTER OF STEERING
    CLEAR OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH
    OTHERS CALLING THE SHOTS✅‼️✅
    Relationships require a lot of honest
    communication and intimacy✅‼️

    If the person or worse people in
    change are not in the room the
    RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED‼️‼️‼️
    Probably not the case but if she is
    in a very tight group and a “junior
    or still subordinate” member where
    she must act as the group thinks she
    should to remain in a group she feels
    is a critical part of who she currently
    is I feel kinda sorry for her and if
    this is the case, for you to be in a relationship with her you would have
    to do as this “group”thinks you should✅
    It could be a great experience for you
    and just want you need at this time‼️

    The odds are against you and I hear
    this is a critical age to be making
    you own decisions and mistakes
    THATS HOW SKILLS THAT BECOME
    HOW YOU ACT ,RELATE and keep
    your life moving towards the goals
    you choose ✅

    Hope I didn’t bore you to sleep and
    THE VERY BEST TO YOU AS YOU
    GROW AND FIND YOUR WAY
     

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  1. i used her and i feel horrible about it