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Adult Content I’ve got an insecurity...

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Sleepyface, Aug 15, 2019 at 2:09 PM.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Sleepyface

    Sleepyface Lurker

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    So I recently started dating this girl. Everything’s great so far, and it’s been about 6 months. But the thing is, before we started dating/before we even met, she opened up to me about sleeping with multiple men over a span of 2-3 weeks. Which is whatever. I’ve slept with men and it’s no big deal, I consider myself bisexual. She says she isn’t attracted to men as of right now. And I don’t want to discount or invalidate what she identifies herself as and what she likes or doesn’t like. But I notice, during sex, that whenever I use the dildo on her, whether by strap or by hand, she has her eyes closed and she finishes pretty fast when paired with the vibrator.
    I get a little insecure that when her eyes are closed, she’s imagining another man or men she’s hooked up with.
    We’ve already discussed this so many times because it’s an insecurity of mine, and she’s addressed this insecurity with saying that all the times that she’s had sex with men have been bad (except for 1, but because he tied her up) and that she only uses the dildo on herself to turn me on (and it works, which is frustrating). I want to believe that she isn’t imagining another man or anything like that, but I always associate a dildo with sex with a man because that’s usually what I imagine when I use a dildo (I haven’t since we started dating). It’s a whole mess and I don’t know why I just get this gut feeling that she’s only saying things to make me stay but really she feels some other way.
    I’m sorry it’s such a mess, but I need someone to shed a little light?? Please help!
     
  2. Love4Ever

    Love4Ever Curious Explorer
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    Well first of all, as I’m sure you realize, liking a strap on does not equal liking men, liking sex with men, or wishing you were a man, (in the case of the one wearing it.) This does not sound like an issue to me of sex toys this sounds to me like an issue of trust. If you don’t trust your girlfriend than nothing she says will make any difference. She says that she didn’t enjoy the sex with men and that she enjoys it with you. Short of reading her mind you will have to either accept this on good faith...or not. You admit this is an insecurity of yours and I agree that that’s what this sounds like. Because I’m guessing from what you’ve written here that this isn’t really about the strap on itself and more about you feeling inadequate and unable to satisfy your girlfriend. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? That it bothers you because you’re uncertain if she likes you as much as you like her? Because that’s what I getting from this unless you just don’t like strap ons at all and don’t enjoy using them, and if that is the case you again need to talk to her, and perhaps you may just not be sexually a good fit for each other.
     
    #2 Love4Ever, Aug 15, 2019 at 7:59 PM
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2019 at 8:01 PM
  3. Newbie Girlie

    Newbie Girlie Greenhorn

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    This seems to make a lot of sense to me. I think it's maybe important to focus on the internal connection with your partner instead of the external sensations. I can't really speak from experience though. But this just makes sense to me, fwiw.
     
  4. mike300

    mike300 Addictive Advisor
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    i m sure u realize, that your fears are exaggerated
     
  5. Constanze

    Constanze Greenhorn
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    It's very important to be free with sexuality and that you both do whatever each of you like. Your girlfriend is doing what she likes and what she needs and that is a beautiful gift she is giving to you. She is herself- what gift, what a wonderful thing.

    Your doubts about potential fantasies : everyone is free to have fantasies, you might already know that from yourself or will get to know it in future: one might fantasize about a thousand things while having sex and it has nothing to do with your partner. It's human nature and a perfectly normal part of sexuality.

    Finishing fast is a sign that she's doing really well in relaxing when she's with you.
     

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