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It's Me Again...If you Remember My Story

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Roger, Sep 3, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Roger
    Amused

    Roger Curious Explorer
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    Well, I'm back. I think it's been a year since I have been on here sharing about my feelings and troubles and struggles. I guess I could go back and look at my previous posts and see where I was at when I was here. I don't remember IF I was struggling with seeing my online friend and getting to know him like a normal personal.

    Well, to let the cat out of the bag and to stop keeping you in suspense. NO, I did not meet my special someone. I never got to meet after a whole year of back and forth and hoping to meet. I don't actually remember when I stopped posting...(actually I'm going to check out my last post, be right back)...

    Well, it looks like I didn't share anything....Ugh. I don't really want to get into this and stir things back up but I will basically go through it.

    My last post was back in October and that was when "John" was going to meet me on the day after my birthday. Let's just say (short and sweet) He didn't Show up...because of a supposed legal battle that started in the family, and after a few days we started talking again. Because of the legal battle it made it difficult for us to be together (or so he said) and basically we never met.

    So I went "Three Times" to Virginia to give him a chance to meet. The first time he said he got in his car and tried to figure out if he wanted to come meet me. Well, he decided not to so I went home. I went down a second time and he completely ignored the opportunity. On the third time we were talking better so I thought I would do it one more time, and I went down planning on spending the night at a motel. And he told me he was meeting with the attorney and so I went to an outdoor mall to wait. I ended up waiting six plus hours at the mall until I decided to go over to the motel, where I then began texting him with kind irate text messages.

    I went home the next day, eventually we got back into talking and which led up to Thanksgiving. I invited him to come spend time with me on Thanksgiving and he said yes. So I got Thanksgiving day, we talked for a few hours while he was getting ready and on his way. I got tired of waiting for it to happen so I took a drive being so excited that everything seemed perfect. I finally got home and he it was obvious that he should be there soon....but he never showed up. Two hours later, and I was finally in tears realizing that I was late to thanksgiving dinner and I had to go and have dinner...sitting beside the setting my parents put down for "John".

    Anyways we didn't talk about meeting on Christmas, because his job and family were obviously or supposedly keeping us apart so I wasn't going to force him to come.

    We got to New Years Eve and I had this plan of taking him to Time Square for the ball drop, and to basically "propose" to him or to let him know that I was ready to spend my life with him. I would have to say that even with all the let downs that I still had my heart clearly for him.

    Well, it never happened - and 2018 continued and we had a few discussions at the beginning but it was like things changed with John. Supposedly he had to move to California for a few weeks to deal with Legal battle - and fought back and forth about being together, and he wanted me to send him money to buy a flight back after a few months. I finally got him what he wanted - the flight happened - and supposedly his mother needed medical attention when he got back to Virginia - and from that moment on we've done nothing but argue...

    Actually I pleaded with him to spend time with me - He saw it as arguing - and I really wasn't - I was just trying to get him to see me the way I saw him.

    When I saw his picture the first time like a year ago. I fell in love with him. How I saw him. And now I feel like it's over. He's never going to be with me, and I don't know how to get over it. Everyone tells me to move on and work on myself, but I don't know how to do that, because he was my everything. Or they say that I can't LOSE what I never had....but they don't understand how I saw "John" - He was everything to me and all this chaos has made me sad and it's like I can't get over him.
     
  2. Spob
    Apelike

    Spob Expert Homosexual
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    I remember your post, it's sad that you have not got what you hoped for.

    I was thinking that they maybe using you and then I read that you paid for a flight. I hope this was the only time, because that would be really unfair.

    People can be so dishonest but do keep an open mind and perhaps meet people in another setting.
     
    #2 Spob, Sep 3, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2018
  3. Roger
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    Roger Curious Explorer
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    No, it's not the only time that I paid money in this relationship. I don't know why I'm still calling it a relationship because I clearly gave him the ultimatum already to make things right and it's clear that he has no intentions on doing that.

    I'm basically at the moment right now, that I'm upset that I have to let go because I never wanted to lose him, and i fought verbally towards people that told me to give up on him because I wanted to believe that it was true and genuine.

    I know that "looks aren't everything" and he wasn't perfect of course but he had that look that I was ready to look at everyday (lol) and to have our moments together as partners.

    I mean when you're too the place when you're ready to propose to someone that you have never met. To have those types of conversations with someone that you're ready to be their partner.

    As far as another setting. That's difficult for me as online seemed so easier for me, because you got to to know the person in an easier and simpler way. I'm not from an area that has the gay hangouts (where at least you know that people are looking for something). To go on into the hetero world and to look for someone, that's probably not going to happen, because my problem is that I would assume that someone is gay and they probably wouldn't be.

    But I will say that as far as dating apps out there - NONE of them really work (atleast for me they didn't) because in the process that I've been through - 97% of the guys that I was attracted too always let "money" come up or that was the only way that we could meet. YES, that's right most of the guys were like if you give me this money to get rid of my roommate or give me gas or let me take care of things so that we can be together!!!

    Are you serious? Why can't you spend time with me on your own dime? Why can't we get to know each other on our own ability...and then down the road maybe I'll help you out, but get to know me.

    Funny thing is, the reason "I paid the money" is because I wanted to whatever I could to keep this person. If I didn't open this imaginary door, maybe he would disappear and that was my fear - and look now - even after the money and I have the reality of that fear.
     
  4. mask1985
    Dreaming

    mask1985 Shy bi guy
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    One of the keys to saving yourself from heartbreak is to recognise the signs that things are amiss early enough before you get too emotionally involved. There is a saying about not holding on to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.

    You and I are of a similar age and are both attracted to younger guys - nothing wrong with this - but you have to make allowances that you might not necessarily make for someone older. They may also be less willing to commit to anything long term, although you will find some may want to settle down there will probably be fewer of them. I remember being 18 like it was yesterday and thought at the time I didnt want to even think about anything long term until I was at least 25. I did in fact have a 2 year relationship with another boy but thats a whole other story. But from the age of 20 till 33 I was in and out of relationships, primarily with girls mainly because I needed to maintain my sense of personal freedom. I don't obviously know how you felt at that age, maybe you always wanted to be serious and intense.

    I have had a bit of experience with dating apps lately and so far nobody has asked me for money. Sure there have been fakes and catfishes but they have been pretty easy to spot. The best thing to do is meet up as soon as possible because that is the only way you will get the true picture of a persons character. It doesnt matter how much phone or even video chat you do unless you are face to face looking them in the eye there should always be that doubt as to their genuineness. And the alarm bells should definitely start ringing if they are at all sketchy about meeting.

    I'm really sorry for your story but you gave this guy so many chances to let you down and he always delivered. The thing is to learn from it and go forward with a pretty liberal dose of healthy skepticism. I'm always happy to chat or you can pm me if you like :) 
     
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  5. Roger
    Amused

    Roger Curious Explorer
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    I really wish that I did recognize things at the beginning. Although what's funny, not really funny but there were things that I didn't see as obvious signs or maybe it was just me refusing to see the truth. At the very beginning he had a phone number that I checked and it was California, and he was living in Virginia. That can happen. I had PA phone number and I was living in Florida for five months.

    When I questioned him about it he got a little upset and he wanted to prove himself so he sent me a location message on "Hangouts" which showed him in Leesburg, VA - exactly where he said he was. But the more I thought about it, he could've made a screenshot and sent me a picture instead of a Location shot.

    The big clue which only happened a few weeks ago. Someone else that I was talking to online I said that I thought about breaking into his email account to see if I could find anything. He took it upon himself to do the "Forgot Password" thing and after some time he got to a point where GMail was telling him to put the verification number in that was sent to his Infinix phone. Well, after some research and discovered that those phones are much if any sold in the US.

    I know that "Younger" guys wouldn't be into the long term relationship at first. I'm not asking someone to start out with me LTR. I'm looking for someone to simply start out as little as possible if they want. All we have to do is hang out, be there for each other, go places, do things - let it match into what it matches into.

    If I simply get to gain someone that will be a companionship for me and have a simple connection with someone that can blossom into more in the later years. That's great.

    I would say that "Everyone" I have ever matched up with - the word "Money" came up in the discussion before a week was over.

    When I matched up with "John" it was different. We were all about getting to know each other, but I remember the first day we were talking he made sure to tell me that - "He didn't know when we would get to meet." - because he said his job was very demanding...(anyways)

    And then from there on out - every single person that I matched up with - I would say before a week was over the word "Money" came up. The last guy, just a week or so ago. He actually lived 2 hours from me and he made me feel like everything was going to be different, but then when we started talking about meeting (since he was only 2 hours away, go figure). He then shared about having a cousin living with him that was in college, and if I would send $200 then he would give the cousin the money and he would be able to get the cousin out....(WTF).

    I was like, Am I leper? Is there a reason that I have people like this? Is it because I'm not attractive and I'm trying too hard to have something perfect?

    I mean I'm starting to think that I have something wrong and I will never get what I want (need). Because, I started talking to someone through email and I know their from another country because they told me so I didn't get my hopes up too high and they sent me a picture (several actually).

    I was like, this picture looks familiar. The guy had a tattoo on his arm and chest and this unique necklace around his neck. His face was just like, I know him from somewhere. I didn't really think anything about it, and I was viewing (cough!) porn one day and there he was - WTF?.

    So it's like now, someone is pretending to wanna be with me so bad and now is using someone else's picture.

    I know, get over and move on - Move on to what? Who do I trust? How do I push through all the clutter of bad profiles and be able to find those select few that are actually real, and of course be able to balance the problem....not only finding someone that I'm attracted to, but that person has to be attracted to me also. (Ouch!)

    PS. Plus I might take you up on sending you a PM sometime.
     
    #5 Roger, Sep 3, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2018
  6. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    If everybody you meet online seems to want money, it seems pretty clear that you're using the wrong app. A friend of mine who actually looks a lot like you probably will in twenty years or so has had a series of younger guys come to him over the past few years, none of them looking for money -- and one even cleaned his apartment for him on a couple of visits. My friend isn't interested in anything permanent, but some of his suitors were disappointed to learn that.

    I'm not sure what app he uses, but I'll ask him the next time we speak and let you know. In the meanwhile, though, you really ought to upgrade your software!
     
  7. Roger
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    Roger Curious Explorer
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    Is that code for something? What's that mean?
     
  8. Roger
    Amused

    Roger Curious Explorer
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    Side Note: My problem with my current "online problem" is that I keep going back to it. I have a connection to him through my email and every time I go to check my email he sometimes has a comment or response to me.

    Today he responded to me after three days of being offline. His current situation is that he's "STUCK" and he has to pay back his relative before he can be happy with me. (UGH!! WTF?) I know that I've been pretty stupid to believe his excuses and reasons for not being together, but he's actually trying to make me think that what he's saying is legit.

    I don't know if the CALL HIM OUT and say that I don't think he's the person in the picture anymore, and that he's not from the USA because of the phone issue, but I don't know why I'm still talking to him because it's obvious that I'm going to be listening to the same excuses for as long as I choose to give him power over me.

    I'm really mentally struggling with this and I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. That is the main reason for coming back - It's weird - I'm afraid to let go of him, because I personally believe he's the right person for me (especially the version that I fell in love with a year ago), but what if it's a LIE? What if he's not the person in the picture (because that person is really cute and I would love to be with him but not just because of his looks, but because of how he made me feel special. The looks are just bonus).

    UGH!!!!! - and what makes this even more messed up is that I'm older than most of you and it does suck even more when you feel like you're going to die alone!
     
  9. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    'Upgrade your software" isn't code -- I just meant you should try a different app. I'm told that the paid dating sites are more dependable than the free ones.

    That bit about owing the cousin money sounds like another try at getting money out of you. I know you've made a large emotional investment, but I'm feeling more and more certain that you're dealing with a con artist.

    There are worse things than dying alone -- you can die alone and broke because you gave all your money to a swindler. Still, if you want somebody good in your life, stop wasting time and find somebody else.
     

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