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Nonbinary It's been a long time...

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Kai Something, Sep 16, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Kai Something

    Kai Something Greenhorn
    Beloved Member

    Jul 7, 2019
    +16 / 0 / -0
    Hi, it's been a long time since I last came here but I need again to say some things.

    I post it because I don't know where else to go, if you want to move it to a better place, go on.

    Okay so lots of things happened in my life during the past two months. August and the beginning of September were really, really complicated. But I'm king of settled now and everything is finally calming down.The truth is, something happend this week-end and I wanted to talk to someone about it. As I'm not out as an Enby person to my family and friends, here seemed to be the easiest place.

    So, last time I came here, I was confused about lots of things and questionning myself a lot. I'm better now, finally began to order my thoughts and accept myself. So definitely Enby, but I don't really mind what pronuns are used (even if I like they/them better, I can accept any other without feeling bad) and my birth name is okay even if it's still not at all gender-neutral, because I still like it a lot and I don't think I really care about other people knowing about me being Enby. It's easier to go on like I always did and as long as I'm okay with myself I don't care about how people see me. I am finally able to dress with whatever clothes I want and that's wonderful too. I'm still getting slowly used to buying men's clothes, I always feel very stange in the men's section when I'm shopping. When I enter the men's section, I feel like my mother will arrive behind me to remind me that "you can't shop here, you are a girl" even though I know she is not here. It's a more-than-20 years old habbit I'm trying to fight.

    Also, still totally Asexual but I was already sure of that. Still not wanting any romantic relationship because I'm still thinking about how I can possibly have a functionning one while being asexual. I know some of my friends are aware that I'm not interested in sex even if we never really put a word on it. "Asexual" means nothing where I'm from. It's just a label no one knows. "Not interested", that they understand because they know me enought to guess it themselves actually. So it's okay. Also I got tired of my parents always asking when I'll meet someone so I kind of told them that I was not looking for anyone. They kind of left me alone with it since then. It's clearly not a coming out, but I need to go step by step with them.

    So this weekend, something happened. Nothing serious, but I still need to vent a little.

    I went out with a colleage and he was really kind and all, but during the whole afternoon, he :
    - flirted with me, and it embarrassed me to no end because PLEASE STOP and he thought I was kidding when I was telling him to stop. In the end I told him "I'm serious, stop that, I don't want it" and he finally calmed down.
    - called me "woman" the whole afternoon and that is so not possible because 1: I am not a woman (yes, he doesn't know, but still) and 2: even if I was, I find it so... degrading (it's not the term I'm looking for, but the only one I can think of to represent what I felt), because "woman" is not a name, it's a category and there are just millions of women but no one is really just a woman, I am me and every woman in the planet is herself and not just "woman". I also told him to "Stop calling me woman, I have a name" and he tried, he really did, but he still did the mistake more than not.

    To be clear I told him that I was not interested for a relationship because I obviously saw he was flirting and he just didn't understand even though he clearly tried, asking me "why" like I have to have a reason for wanting to be alone, like I can't just "not want" it.

    So, yes, again I wrote a lot, I'm sorry about it, and thanks to those who will maybe take the time to read until the end. This was just me needing to talk to someone.
  2. angel70

    angel70 The Old Guy
    Beloved Member

    Apr 9, 2016
    +5,286 / 1 / -36
    If you everdid want a guy, I'm sure it wouldn't be him.

    Sometimes there's a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment, but it sounds to me like he might have crossed it. Calling you "woman" sounds like something he copied from the tough detective in some film noir from the 1930s -- and I'll bet he thinks it makes him sound very slick. ;)  My guess is that he tries the same routine on every woman he meets -- and if he finds one with sufficiently low self-esteem, who knows? Someday it even might work.

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