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Is she interested...

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by Marie41, Jul 2, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    I need some guidance and advice. For the past 8 years I’ve worked in the same job with the same boss. The boss is a female. Over the course of the last several years this boss has been a good person to me. She often will bring me books to read when I’ve mentioned a topic I’m interested in. She doesn’t seem to do this for others on our team. A couple of time she paid me compliments about how I look good etc. She even did this in front of a more superior person said “Marie always looks good. That specific night I remember feeling like she was attracted to me as I got a weird vibe. Over the course of time she’s invited me to stay at her house when I’ve been travelling on business (even though I had a hotel a few minutes away). She’s recently separated so I texted her to see if she wanted to grab dinner. I was thinking we’d meet at a restaurant but nope she invites me over to her new house. Shows me around and even places like her closet etc. During this visit she reveals a great deal of personal information to me. She’s always revealed some but this was a lot of sharing (more than some friends would tell me). She then invited me to stay overnight in the guest room and mentions it one other time during the time I’m there. Then says anytime I want to come and stay for a few days I’m welcome to. So we go to dinner and she says oh there’s this great patio where we can watch the sunset. Now she’s a nature lover so maybe that’s all she was after but I find it kinda interesting that she wants to share it with me. Over dinner I share some of my dating experiences with her and made a comment along the lines of men don’t like me. She says well you’re smart and direct and that’s exactly what I like about you, don’t change. Anyhow I end up staying at her place till well into the early morning even though it’s a work night. She shows me pics of her trips .. says oh you could connect with me on Facebook so you can see my pics. (Again this is my boss). I got the distinct feeling that she didn’t want me to leave and I really didn’t want to leave either.weird thing is I’ve reached out to set up another visit in 2 weeks and she responded that she wasn’t sure if she was going to be in town and that could we chat closer to the date of travel. She is a fairly introverted person so inviting me to stay over at her place seemed interesting because I don’t like people staying with me and I’m an introvert. Is she interested in me or is she just being friendly? Her text back to me wasn’t cold but I thought based on our last person interaction that she would be really interested in meeting up again. Any advice is appreciated.. I really am catching feelings for her ...
     
  2. JimC
    Lucky

    JimC Great Learner
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    Ok. She is definitely interested in some kind of relationship, even if this is just friendship. She might be lonely and wants someone to talk to. But, she may be interested in you romantically. Her being your boss complicates things - for you and her. The fact that she hasn't put the moves on you suggests that her intentions (whatever they are) are pretty decent. Before you decide whether or not you want to find out I think you should consider what having a romantic or even just sexual relationship with your boss could mean. The consequences can be much bigger and extend into all areas of your life - career, financial, and emotional. At the moment, just enjoy being friends. I'd let her make the first move. Then think about what it would mean and talk to her about your concerns.

    Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
     
  3. tdil35
    Chicken

    tdil35 Greenhorn
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    Great advice from Jim. Tread carefully where there is a power dynamic involved. She is your boss. Think about the advice you would give a friend in the same situation.
     
  4. mike300

    mike300 Dedicative Advisor
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    she is definetily attracted to u
     
  5. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    HI Mike3000

    What specifically makes you think that she is attracted? I'm so confused... In person she was so warm, even made a few attempts to extend the visit last time -- like we had finished dinner and she suggested we keep walking and talking. But by text she has been neutral and hasn't initiated any conversation with me. I reached out and asked to connect next time I'm around and the response was basically that I should check in closer to the date... I just thought if there was something there that she'd be a bit more excited to make plans?
     
    #5 Marie41, Jul 11, 2019 at 12:18 PM
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019 at 12:22 PM
  6. mike300

    mike300 Dedicative Advisor
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    i am an experianced man ..allthese signs, say to me tthat she likes u very much but has not yet the coyrage to make a step beyond
     
  7. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    That’s interesting mike. She also wanted to connect on Facebook... suggested it in a very subtle manner... there’s a good chance that she won’t be my boss in the near future
     
  8. Pixie Poodle
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    Pixie Poodle Greenhorn

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    Based on what you have said, there are many unknowns. Consider that if she wants to be more than platonic friends, she has apparently been very intelligent or measured going about it. She has so far only given you possibly deeper signals in private circumstances but where anything that is trackable and possibly reproachable has been defendable as only good acquaintance behavior.
    When it comes to surface sex and attraction that level of planned restraint is pretty darn rare. In convert operations that IS how you progress with an asset that has the potential to backfire, or you are worried about scaring off.
    The added element of a boss position make the ground even rockier as already commented on.
    If you are feeling a serious attraction yourself, the restraint that you have shown in being modest rather than overt is also rare.
    On one hand EIGHT years is positively glacial. On the other hand you state she is recently separated. New and changed circumstances often lead to new directions.
    You two could be intelligent non-rash people who desire more, one of you could be more timid than you let on, or there could be a strong friendship in the making here that is more valuable than any pearl.
    If you seek clarity this is a good place to safely ruminate.
     
  9. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    Thanks really interesting that you picked up on the fact that everything has been done without a trail.. you are absolutely right.. she’s only ever invited me to stay over in person never via text. The last attempt I had a hotel booked and it was only a 15 min drive away... she didn’t text me like most people would ahead of my arrival and say hey bring your stuff and stay over.. the other offers were also done in person. The confusing thing is I texted her about another visit and the response was neutral... and there’s been no communication from her other than connecting on Facebook.
     
  10. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    so I'm now confused.. i just tried to set up a visit with her via text and she responded that she is tied up for the entire week and doesn't know her availability.. so I guess I misinterpreted things... I only travel to her town infrequently .. you would think that if she was interested she would make time for me.. clearly I am getting the brush off... I guess I was wrong
     
  11. mike300

    mike300 Dedicative Advisor
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    my opinion is that she knows your feelings about her but she stil hesitates to respond for several reasons...such situations need time or certain circumstances...
     
  12. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    interesting - i just feel like she was the one trying to deepen the relationship ie. inviting overnight, asking to connect on fb, revealing lots of person information about herself, and making compliments towards me - now that I have leaned forward by reaching out and sending her an fb request she is backing up (or so it seems)...
     
  13. mike300

    mike300 Dedicative Advisor
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    time will show..
     
  14. Pixie Poodle
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    Pixie Poodle Greenhorn

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    Again, all WE know is what you tell us. In the space of only hours, it seems you have gone from laying out days/weeks of positive circumstances to now almost becomely overly anxious. I believe you indicated that both of you being in the same place is really not an everyday (every week?) circumstance. All those moving forward hints you described seem to rest on proximity.
    We know nothing of this person's work schedule, level of importance and responsibility within the company you both work for, much less anything about their personal life, and demands on their time.
    It is only reasonable to consider she exists outside of the bubble we have peered into. Since the separation you spoke of, she may also be just as carefully expanding or deepening her contacts with other social and business people, maybe just as slowly and carefully.
    Based on her friendliness and your responses, does she have any reason to think she should put more effort in to knowing you better over other people?
    You, Marie41 seem seriously considering a relationship outside of your normal realm. i believe most here understand how you don't want to overstep if you missread the events and yet fear to miss out through not taking any step at all. I regret I have no new advice.
    Pixie
     
  15. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    Yes you are right Pixie Everything is through my personal lens so I may not be reading things accurately at all.? It’s so hard to tell. I think I have to just let things unfold as they will..
     
  16. mike300

    mike300 Dedicative Advisor
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    yes...
     
  17. Fallinglikethestars

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    Honey... You are in a similar situation to what I have I been over the past month and it if it's doing to you what it did to me then it's probably driving you stir crazy by now! I got to the point yesterday where I decided I need to brave and ask what's going on between us because I feel awkward and unsure of where our friendship was heading and like I couldn't completely be myself around her... We had a chat and it seems things may have been said or done inadvertently on her part and she was sorry for giving the impression.. I also work with this person so I know how awkward it can be. We had a good a chat about it and we both now know where we stand and can move forward and hopefully have a great friendship.. yes I will probably always tease as to what she is missing and make flirty jokes but I do that with all my straight friends.. now it's nice to know I can be like that and not have to worry about it. So if I could give you one piece of advice it would be to be brave and openly ask xxx big hugs to you xxx
     
    #17 Fallinglikethestars, Jul 13, 2019 at 1:52 AM
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2019 at 1:54 AM
  18. Marie41

    Marie41 Greenhorn

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    Yes exactly.. hard to know what to do. She made the first advances to deepen the relationship and now that I’m leaning in she’s leaning back a bit. How would you respond to the latest text... I asked if we could get together and she said she she might have a friend coming from out of town and she’s not sure of her schedule yet.. so I’m confused, that is not a hard no but it’s also not a yes. My one friend said text her back later in the week about her schedule, my other friend says just say ok great have a wonderful visit with your friend. How would you interpret her text? I’m just not sure and don’t want to be aggressive in the least.
     

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