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Is it helpful to come out as bisexual?

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by Nothere, Nov 10, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Nothere

    Nothere Devastatingly odd
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    Is it helpful to come out as bisexual even if you are in a serious hetero relationship? I would feel weird coming out to my family while I've a guy who I've started my life with. I want them to take the relationship seriously. And am afraid they will say things like "bisexuality just means you're afraid to be lesbian" or something ridiculous like that.

    But sometimes I feel I am being untruthful to them by not saying anything. Is it their business?
     
  2. Jax Fiorella
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    Jax Fiorella Once you question your own belief, it's over
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    In my experience, my parents have no right to force that out of me and they have no right to, if I tell them, to act upon it and treat me differently. If you are in a serious hetero relationship. my advice is to use this phrase a lot: "Bisexuality is not about action, bisexuality is about desire." And if you are in a relation ship, tell them that just because you are attracted to members of both sexes, you are not polyamorous. stuff like the phrase you stated above is pretty easy to deal with. the real thing you have to deal with is the confusion and wonders such as, does bisexual mean you are polyamorous? and other legitimate questions like that. Remember, they have no right to know or act on it, so if you ask them a question like, hey mom/dad, how would you feel if i had a lgbt/bisexual/pansexual/transgender/bigender/etc friend? you can find out their opinion on some one they know who is lgbt+. i hope this helped. message back if you have any questions or anything else!:) 
     
  3. Nothere

    Nothere Devastatingly odd
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    I just have a history of my family not understanding and not believing me about unseen things I've talked about before. So them invalidating my bisexuality as they've done with so many other things would be a hard blow in my life right now.

    Especially since I'm on the precipice of so many paths. I'm graduating from university soon, starting a career, and moving in with my SO. I want to own my individuality. Not have it constantly questioned.
     
  4. Jax Fiorella
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    Jax Fiorella Once you question your own belief, it's over
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    Then i dont think you should tell them. if it is going to jeprodize something even remotely important to you, especially this, which is clearly more important to you than telling them, then dont tell them. are you out to your bf? if you are, you can tell him your troubles. (i find boyfriends to be extremely helpful in these times)
    if you are not out to him, you can go to maybe a friend who you are out to.
    I suggest you get better support (even on here, possibly message my buddy anoxu. he is a super helpful vet on this site) than me: a 13 year old bisexual who is enveloped in school. if you need to just vent and no advice i suggest blahtherapy. here is the link: http://blahtherapy.com/chat-hub/ again my advice is to, if the information holds you back, dont tell them. and after all, it is your decision.
     
  5. Jayme82
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    Jayme82 Addictive Advisor
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    It seems to me there's no need to tell them anything just enjoy your relationship as it is since you said they have a hard time understanding you it's probably for the best
     
  6. Jax Fiorella
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    Jax Fiorella Once you question your own belief, it's over
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    yeah. really the only one who can weigh the differences and make the final deal is you. based on personal opinion, facts and most importantly, feelings is how you get through this rough time.
     
  7. Nothere

    Nothere Devastatingly odd
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    Ok, thanks for the input guys. I don't know what I'll do yet..
     
  8. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    If you're planning to stay in a monogamous relationship, there's no need at all to come out as bi. The main reason to come out as bi is to let others know you're potentially available to both sexes -- and in a monogamous relationship, you're not available to anybody but your partner.

    There is no rule, moral or otherwise, that says you have to tell your family everything. There's certainly no reason to encourage them to harbor doubts about your relationship with your boyfriend, assuming you plan to keep him. Is that a safe assumption, or are do you (unconsciously) wish to prepare your family for a breakup? That would be the only reason to tell them.
     
  9. Nothere

    Nothere Devastatingly odd
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    Nope. I don't plan on breaking up with him. I just want my family to know who I am. Not to intentionally encourage them to harbor doubts.
     
  10. Kit_kat
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    Kit_kat Greenhorn

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    I am in the same boat as you (although not in a relationship). I have only ever had public/serious relationships with men. It feels as though I am hiding a part of my identity from those I trust most, hence feeling conflicted. I think that you should have a look at the pros and cons of telling versus not telling. Do what is true to you! I am just looking for the right way to tell them, I have heard timing is everything.
     
  11. Analisa
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    Analisa Hot Cookie
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    Well I'll give you my two cents and opinion......

    I'm married with a two month old son and have been in a relationship with another woman and we've slept a few times now. My husband is aware and he's fine with it...sounds crazy, I know. Thing is, I'm a sex addict and my constant demands for sex on him was ruining our marriage. I did sleep with another woman years ago when I was in Uni when I had a 3some and really enjoyed it, but always denied and wasn't true to myself that I was bi. So when I met the woman I'm currently sleeping with, I couldn't deny myself any longer, spoke to my husband and he was fine with it. The only 'guilt' factor for me is that she too is married and her husband doesn't know. Besides my husband knowing that I'm bi, I've only told my sister and have decided to keep it at that. My parents, brother and my friends don't need to know as I don't feel comfortable with it.

    I don't know how long this relationship will go on with my 'friend' but I'm living the moment and enjoying it. Am I playing with fire? Maybe.....but when the time comes to end it I will. In your case, I would just keep it to yourself for now as your family would most likely not understand.
     
    #11 Analisa, Nov 13, 2017 at 4:56 AM
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2017 at 5:00 AM
  12. Nothere

    Nothere Devastatingly odd
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    I know the term is bisexual so it must refer to sexuality, but there are so many repressed gays, lesbians, trans and others that I've not named who all say "I just want to be myself."

    Well, that's how I feel about being bisexual. No, I don't want to advertise it for the purpose of getting a date. That's not the point. When I hide from it, when I don't say this is what I am, it feels like I am hiding a part of myself. I don't see why it's different for bisexuals, just because we have the "convenience" of looking like we're completely straight when in a hetero relationship. It still feels like I'm skulking around hiding from things, having to be careful about looks and things I say. (this is in response to the only reason to come out is to let people know i'm available).

    My family are a part of my life and there's a huge chance they wouldn't understand but at this point I think so what? I'm in a hetero relationship. I love my guy. Just because I have him means I can't come out as bisexual? I don't get it.

    What gives?

    I understand your situation analisa and that's your business. I have a high sex drive too. I would never be with someone else while with my boyfriend. But I get why you would and am happy your guy and you could come to an arrangement.

    Ultimately the only reason I wouldn't tell my family is because I'm too afraid to. Not because there's no reason to. I think them knowing about the ins and outs of it is inappropriate and I'd feel uncomfortable about that, but them simply knowing I swing both ways, well it might be a relief.
     
  13. angel70
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    angel70 The Old Guy
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    Your relationship with your boyfriend is serious, so you certainly should tell him. If anybody is entitles to know our sexualities, it ought to be the people with whom we're having sex. Hopefully, it won't damage your relationship -- and if you tell him about your commitment to monogamy, he should be able to accept it.

    After you've told him, you can go on and tell the rest of the family if that makes you feel better. I think, though, that he should hear it first.
     
  14. Nothere

    Nothere Devastatingly odd
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    He has known for about a year now.

    I don't think people are entitled to know my sexuality.

    I think I am entitled to tell those who know me if I feel like I'm hiding a part of myself. Not being true to myself.
     
  15. Kit_kat
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    Kit_kat Greenhorn

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    I completely agree with this. If I want a person to see the truest, most authentic version of myself, I will tell them. If they are someone that I wouldn't usually open up to that much I just don't mention it. Not because it is something I want to hide, only that it would be out of place in the conversation i.e chatting to a workmate that I don't know well or perhaps an acquaintance outside of my usual friend circle.

    Just my view on my own sexuality, I think that everyone should do what feels safe and comfortable for them.
     

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