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Irritating

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by 4G63, Jan 5, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. 4G63

    4G63 Curious Explorer
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    Not sure if anyone else ever feels this way... perhaps I’m just weird.

    I am ftm pre-t (still waiting for my dr to give me the wonderful magic drug :p )

    so I work in retail and half the time I still present as female... not really much changes between the identities except sometimes I cannot bind because how long I work a shift. Also of course I’ve been at the same place for 3 years so my regulars will constantly see me as female no matter what...

    My “issue” I don’t know if it really is or not or perhaps my paranoia makes it out to be. It’s like when I don’t bind (I have a really large chest which isn’t exactly easy to miss... which I hate) I get gendered correctly more often than when I bind. Which confuses the hell out of me and kind of irritates me... I guess because here I am trying and feeling more comfortable about myself and then I get misgendered. Or maybe it’s because I also think maybe this person is just being rude and thinks it’s funny? I’ve had a lot of instances lately where people call me ma’am then sir then start asking if I’m a boy or a girl... and one went as far as to say “oh you’re one of those. I know what you’re I’ve been to prison” - I’m not even sure what that means? But it made me feel really sad... what difference does my gender or sexual orientation make to the service that you get? It doesn’t... honestly there really isn’t a reason to gender Someone... you don’t have to say ma’am or sir.... just keep it simple.
     
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  2. Jianghu
    Zorro

    Jianghu chinese american gay dude
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    Nah. You're simply being perceptive. If at times you feel "paranoid", remember that homophobia gives you good reason to be.

    As social outsiders, LGBT folks see through a lot of the game-playing and artifice that so many people accept as "normal".

    Yet to some extent we have to resign ourselves to playing that game. Even the most progressive society isn't going to stop using "ma'am" or "sir".

    I know that puts transgender people in awkward situations. But there are positive, healthy ways to respond, that can relieve pressure on you and educate others at the same time. Like using wicked humor... and drag queens, for example, are masters of that art.
     
  3. 4G63

    4G63 Curious Explorer
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    -sigh- you would be right about that. It’s just at certain points I’ve had all I can take with “playing along”. Sometimes I’m completely fine but my tendency of bottling things up causes me to get overwhelmed at times. Like yesterday I was stuck at work for 13 hours and felt I was going crazy. Endless people and it felt everything they said had hidden meanings and being rude. I’m sure it wasn’t that per say it’s just my over heightened emotions made me feel that way. Then of course most people aren’t exactly aware so I can’t hold it against them. It just wears me out after awhile
     
  4. Jianghu
    Zorro

    Jianghu chinese american gay dude
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    I get it. I've been through that too many times. We all have.

    Working in retail is especially stressful - you're surrounded by strangers making demands and sooner or later your body chemistry responds in ways you can't control. Sensitivity to threats (real or perceived) becomes excruciating.

    So remember that part of what you're feeling reflects how we've evolved as organisms. Modern society and being an LGBT minority just amplifies it.
     
  5. Corvus
    Chatty

    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    When you're at a sort of work where you have to deal with dozens of strangers a day it's not possible (or desirable...you only have so much headspace) to correct everybody but that doesn't mean you have to take disrespect from your clients.
    My advice would be to find a couple of co-workers (preferably the ones who are kind and work alongside you the most), tell them about your problem and ask them to have your back when those customers arrive. Simply say "excuse me, my colleague will help you in a moment" and then gesture at your coworker.
    This saved me from losing my cool more than once.
     
  6. 4G63

    4G63 Curious Explorer
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    Unfortunately for me it’s not as simple as that. I work at a gas station and I am usually always there by myself except for about an hour a day. Plus even though my coworkers know they still refer to me as “she” also... I’m hoping to find another job once I’m further into transition because I know that in my current job it will never go over well as I will always seemingly be seen the same...
     
  7. Corvus
    Chatty

    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    It does definitely sound like a dead-end job. On the bright side it's a gas station, not a 5-star hotel so don't take shit from them...if they're being assholes just tell them your pronouns, if they ignore it just be assertive and tell them that if they want your help they need to treat you with the same respect you're showing them.
     
  8. 4G63

    4G63 Curious Explorer
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    It is. By no means do I love my job. Been there way longer than I ever initially planned... it pays the bills though. Fortunately I don’t “get in trouble” for refusing service to complete jerks. My boss didn’t get mad when I went off on someone because he got mad and called me a faggot... granted I shouldn’t have but I did. He also ran the guy off and told him not to come back. My boss understands that I am trans he avoids gendering me but unfortunately with me being unable to change my name at work for legal part of it I’m stuck with my given name. But until then.. I guess I will have my explosive days and need to vent... the rest of the time I’ll suck it up :/
     
  9. Array

    Array Hot Cookie
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    So true! It's really none of their business to label you to begin with. But people inevitably will. Regardless, if you're not sure, just use something gender neutral. Or you could even politely ask what pronouns someone uses. It's not as hard as people like to pretend it is though.

    I have been having a somewhat similar situation at work. I started as presenting feminine and now I present full masc but still haven't started T either, and get misgendered/deadnamed all the time. I'm also not out at work tho. Just changing how I present has caused a lot of the people I work with and customers to treat me much differently. Mostly shock, confusion, anger, and disgust are apparent, but surprisingly most people haven't directly addressed it with me. Or if they say anything it's just offhand negative comments about my looks. I feel like there will always be people like that though no matter where you go. I try to just not take what they say or how they look at me too seriously and not let their negativity/hate get to me, cuz you're better than their ignorant ideas/opinions anyways. <3
     
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  10. Corvus
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    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    Array You've got the right mindset; you're you so even though the ignorance still hurts it says more about them than it does about you :) 
     
  11. Alex Dawson
    Unlucky

    Alex Dawson Trans-male
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    I feel you on the whole people gender everyone and everything, especially in customer service. I work as a server at a restaurant and I have people ask me if I am a boy or a girl all the time. Granted, I'm also pre-t and 17 years old looking like I am 12.
    It's really hard to respect people who don't respect you, but thats what customer service is about. Personally I am happy your first testosterone shot is in your near future, you can finally start presenting the way you feel. I envy that, but don't let fuck-bags in redneck America (or wherever you live) piss on your parade.
    Play the game, smile and take their money. Eventually you'll be kicking the dirt of that town off your boots and living the way you want.
     

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